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Parenting
Christmas Drama!!!
Since my husband and I had become serious about our relationship we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at the others' families house, swapping each year. Last year was Thansgiving in the town where we live in NJ at my parents' house, and Christmas was with his family in Pittsburgh. This year we will be spending Thanksgiving at his parents' in Pittsburgh and hubby had casually mentioned that we should buy a Christmas tree when we get home since we will be home this year for Christmas-that's when I said, well, once we have children we will stay home and celebrate Christmas as our own family. I suggested going to his parents in Pittsburgh the day after and he completely flipped out. He said that he would go to his parents and I could stay home with the kid, and he was not going to change his mind no matter what becaue "that was the deal-every other Christmas with our parents". I reminded him that we hadn't spend Christmas morning with my parents since we got engaged, but he didn't want to hear it. He stormed off and didn't speak to me for a week. I am 29 weeks pregnant and I am DREADING Thanksgiving with his family. I need his parents to be on my side with this and to help explain to their 32 year old son that HIS family is where he shoud be for Christmas-not to mention the craziness of bringing up all the gifts, luggage and then bringing home all those same gifts (out of their boxes and assembled) plus new gifts-it's too much! I said his parent's could come stay with us, but they dont' want to. Everyone I have asked about this says they spend Christmas morning together as their own family and proceed for the rest of the day from there, but I can't seem to get him to see this. What do I do!?!?!
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Re: Christmas Drama!!!
Not talking to me for a week would make me want to pack my bags. I am not saying I would, but to not speak over a minor disagreement? Not okay.
The issues here go far beyond where to spend the holiday. Would he consider counseling to improve your communication?
I am sorry he is acting like a jerk.
Seriously. I can understand differences of opinion but really?? FWIW, DH and I agree with you and thankfully, so do my ILs (who live a couple states away). They believe Christmas is primarily for children and children should celebrate in their own homes and they come to us.
I know. I cannot get past this. I mean, DH and I both need cool off times mid fight at times. I get emotional and can't formulate a response, and he gets mad and says things he doesn't mean. But cool off time is like, 15 minutes in different rooms.
Not talking for a WEEK?! Not okay. Not talking solves nothing. That's not cool off time. That's like he is punishing her.
This is actually a really good point. It's hard to imagine what life is like with your own kids. He could find that he can't imagine leaving your home for holidays. You might find yourself so moved by your kid's adoration for his/her grandparents that you welcome the chance to see them spend that time together. You just never know.
My wife and I have always done the "go to this house, visit these folks, then go to the other, etc".
This is the last year we are doing that. We want our daughter to grow up with Christmas at our house. It is a bit easier to do that considering none of my siblings have children and among her siblings, one of them has one kid. But he alternates holidays every year with his ex girlfriend. He has his son this year and he finally has his own place (lived with us last 2 years) and wants to have Xmas at his place. We are going to go there.
Come next year, our daughter will almost be 1. And if people want to come over for Christmas, great. If not (my SIL will throw a fit but whatever), my wife and I will still have a great Christmas with our daughter.
There's nothing wrong with starting your own family traditions. He needs to grow up.
No but it is stressful. We had Christmas to ourselves last year and it was wonderful. We are traveling in the afternoon this year but I refuse to drive up the night before because having Christmas morning in our own home was awesome. I'm glad Ikes huge gift from his aunties counts as his Christmas gift too so we only have a few things to haul back with us.
Ugh. I dread the holidays every year because of this type of situation.
Your husband sounds like a jerk. He didn't talk to you for a week?!
I have no advice. I just wanted to say that I totally relate with the whole family visitation drama.
OP, your husband needs to grow up.
I understand wanting to spend every holiday with my family, but once you are married and have children, you have to make compromises. And what's so hard about inviting his family over to your home???
all of this word for word.
And I do agree that it would be nice for children to be at their own home for Christmas, but in my world that won't happen every year.
H and I both left our respective cities/families to move to Chicago and unless we are willing to basically rent a house for our family to come visit, or expect them to pay for it, then we'll be traveling back often. Our home can only accommodate one side of the family...if that.
And now with my sister, BIL, and kids in Orlando and my H's brother in Clearwater, I do see some Christmases happening down there.
However, unless there are extenuating circumstances, H and I (and our future children) will spend the holidays together, wherever we may be.
I wouldn't try to plan this a year in advance. We did traveled to our parents houses on Christmas for the last few years to make everyone happy, but then decided we were miserable so we stopped doing it. And our parents all live within an hour - so its not like we were gone overnight, but we were just never home for our own holidays. We stopped last year and everyone got over it. I was a little sad not to see my parents on christmas mornign and I'm sure they were too (and same for DH and his parents) but eh, times change and children grow up. I'm glad we tried doing it that way and then both decided it was too much and not fun for us. DD didn't really care.
Anyway. .. . I would wait until the time is upon you and then discuss what you wnat to do and both be willing to compromise and reconsider.
I do agree w/ others that your husband's being a little ridic with not talking to you for a week about this. I hope you are just exaggerating.
DH and I can both hold a grudge for a few days (even over stupid shiit!) but ugh - a week is pretty insane.
Holiday drama sucks. I agree that maybe you should table this discussion until next year. My DS is two and for the first time we will be in our own home for Christmas morning. Our IL are 2.5 hours away and we will visit them from Saturday until Christmas Eve and will come home that afternoon so we can be home for Christmas morning. I have tried inviting them to come to us and they won't do it. My mom lives next door and she will be invited to come on Spend Christmas with us. It is too much of a pain to travel on Christmas Day and lug all of the stuff back and forth. If my husbands side decide to do a big family Christmas with the whole family, we will reconsider the arrangement. It's a crappy situation, but you both need to compromise.
On a side note your husband is acting like a child and needs to learn to communicate.