Am I wrong for this?

Kendrav4

Sorry in advance for bad formatting I'm on my phone

Ex did not see DD or pay his share of daycare for 4 month so I took him back to court for increased child support. After I did that then he started wanting to see DD and I said not until we sat down and talked about why he hasn't seen her in 4 months and what he was going to do to prevent that from happening again. Well a couple of weeks later his pregnant gf had their baby and it passed away. That was September 28th. I did allow him to start having visitation again...

Well he owes me about 1500 in past daycare expenses. He paid me 750 of it but now say he can't pay me because of all of the hospital, autopsy, headstone bills for the baby. I said ok but can you atleast pay your half of daycare for this month and he's tip toeing around it. My question is am I wrong to expect him to pay his share of expenses still? I don't think I am at all. I'm sensitive to his situation but I'm tired of him paying things when its convenient for him. I was hospitalized for 5 days during the 4 months he was not seeing/paying for DD and I still had to pay daycare even though I got a huge bill from that I was out of state and the hospital was out of network

Him paying this when its convenient for him has been an issue for the last 3 years and I am seriously fed up with it.

fellesferie

I don't think you're wrong exactly. But just for me personally, I would probably leave it alone through the end of the year. 

It sucks that he has not been good about paying in the past, but I cannot even fathom what he's facing right now. And just thinking about the financial aspect, if he doesn't have the money, then he just doesn't have it.  

cole2144

No you are not wrong to expect him to pay though I would do my best to be compassionate to his situation because I can not imagine going through anything worse. But please be aware that you do not have the right to withhold visitation due to him not paying child support. Do you have a CO?

Kendrav4

Yes we have a CO. I didn't withhold visitation due to him not paying he choose not to see DD for 4 months and fall off the face of the earth. This is the second time in this year alone he has gone months with our seeing DD and during the times he does see her its not consistent. I told him after the 4 months he couldn't see her until we talked about how it effects DD and his long beaks from seeing her need to stop and I don't think that's unreasonable....

Edit: I have full physical and legal custody. He really only sees DD when he has a gf who wants to see her. When he doesn't he barely sees her a couple of hours a week and will go month at a time with out seeing her and then will demand to see her when he gets a new gf who he wants to show her off too. Then he'll see her for a couple months and the cycle starts over again.

cole2144

I was not saying you did, just throwing it out there just in case. I think it is good that you are willing to sit down with him and have a discussion about him dropping in and out of your daughter`s life rather than just saying "no you can not see her."

Kendrav4

I'm not comparing a hospital stay to the loss of a child...I was simply comparing the fact that we both had huge financial hardships comes up and I was still responsible for paying DD's bills including his portion since he wasn't paying.

+j+k+

Kendrav4:

Yes we have a CO. I didn't withhold visitation due to him not paying he choose not to see DD for 4 months and fall off the face of the earth. This is the second time in this year alone he has gone months with our seeing DD and during the times he does see her its not consistent. I told him after the 4 months he couldn't see her until we talked about how it effects DD and his long beaks from seeing her need to stop and I don't think that's unreasonable.... Edit: I have full physical and legal custody. He really only sees DD when he has a gf who wants to see her. When he doesn't he barely sees her a couple of hours a week and will go month at a time with out seeing her and then will demand to see her when he gets a new gf who he wants to show her off too. Then he'll see her for a couple months and the cycle starts over again.

 

This is considered witholding visitation. If you are dictating against the CO whether or not he can see her - then that is witholding, REGARDLESS of how you feel about why or what he's doing. If the court says he can see her...then he can see her.  if you don't like it, then take him back to court to request modfication.

If he's not paying, then you need to do one of two things - set up a payment agreement with him to catch up, or take him back to court to have it modified.  If he's at least paying the monthly - even if he is behind - back off of him and allow him time to catch up.

madimyluv

This is a really sensitive topic.  I understand your frustration with your ex for not paying his portion to you (been there before so I can sympathized with you on that) however, I would just lay back a bit and give him some time. Yes, if it were you, you would have to "figure it out" anyway....I get that but just give him the benefit of the doubt that he will do better considering his current situation.

 Hope all Is well.....

Littlejen22

Can you pay all the bills monthly if he does not pay?

Wahoo

Can you make up a payment plan? 

In my mind, your child is still in need of child care, regardless of what is going on in your ex's life.  Those expenses don't just disappear because he is going through a hardship.  I think asking for 1/2 of his expected payments is more than fair. 

From reading your post, I'm assuming that he was behind in the payments even before the baby passed, so while his loss is something to be sensitive to, he seems to view his payments as "optional," and they are not. 

twister22

If he is current on his monthly CS but just not on the outside expenses, I would cut him a break through at least the end of the year. He lost a baby. That's an extremely tough situation and sensitivity is warranted. Yes, you both had financial hardships, but BD is also having an emotional hardship, but it's not like he's going to open up to you about it - he just mentioned the financial aspect of it to get you to back off. And you should back off, and give him time and space and not hound him for the daycare.

The BD in my situation owes his share of several extra curricular activities from the past year and medical expenses. But, he is going through a financial hardship and some emotional issues, so I'm cutting him a break. Of course, he still owes that money and I still expect him to pay it, but I'm not going to hound him.

taylorgarciasmommy

I agree with those advising to give him a break for about year. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. Yes, him not paying his share of childcare expenses and not seeing his child on a consistent basis is wrong, but maybe you two can readdress this subject at a later time when he is in a better state of mind. Good luck.

Nineoceans

Yeah I think you're being extremely insensitive. Even when you're married there are times when you have to give more than your 50 to raise a child. Everything can't always be completely fair and even all the time.

People lose jobs, divorce, death, sickness. I can't think of a better excuse than the loss of a child. I don't think I could do much functioning if I experienced that.

Sure on paper you are in the right but maybe you should ask yourself if that's the way you would hope to be treated if the situation were reversed. Just food for thought