Skipping Thanksgiving (Ticker warning)

Lavender&Lillies

Hi Ladies-

I know I don't post here much, but I do read everyone's posts and am so sorry to see so many new loss mom's joining the board.

Yesterday, my husband and I decided that we are going to skip the traditional Thanksgiving celebration this year. We had decided earlier in the week to not make our annual long drive to California to spend the holiday with his parents, but I thought that since we would be in town, we would spend the day with my family. Last night, my husband told me that he just doesn't want to be around a bunch of babies, kids and family and wanted to do something totally different. After thinking about it, I suggested that we head to the coast for a few nights and he agreed. Holidays are tough and I feel a huge sense of relief to be heading out of town for a few days of relaxation.

Anyone else doing something totally different this year? 

weddedwife

Not sure what we are doing yet, but I wanted to say that what you are doing sounds like a good idea. Last year we were forced to go to a large family gathering for Thanksgiving, 3w post-loss, and it was absolutely miserable.

Cincy/Toronto

I wish it was just the two of us so we could do something like that, but my boyfriend has a 10 yr old son, so we can't. We lost Lillian on 9-28 and her Daddy let me know, very soon after, that he didn't want anything to do with the holidays this year. he let me pass out Halloween candy because he knows that seeing babies makes me smile...until it's all over anyways because then I am sad. Last night we talked about taking our son to see a movie on Thanksgiving this year. I'm not sure what we are going to do about dinner, he wants steak, but I still want the traditional dinner. As far as Christmas goes, he is fine with me decorating the house and our son really wants to as well. I say that I will, but I'm not sure how it will all turn out. It's really hard to be so conflicted about everything right now. On one hand, we don't want to do anything and on the other we have a 10 yr old boy that needs to be able to have his holidays with his Dad just like he has over at his Mom's house. For those of you that have other children and have already been where we are, how did you do it?

Bayberry12

I think spending a few nights away sounds perfect.  DH and I are going to spend Thanksgiving at home, just the two of us.  We have never had Thanksgiving in our own home, so it will be a change.  When I told my MIL we were staying home, she sounded so disappointed, and said "well, you just gotta do what you gotta do." Whatever.  I feel better being home than being around happy people right now.

 

kikibelle

I'm glad you and DH decided to do something different. We're still hosting Thanksgiving dinner like we have for the last few years, but I decided not to cook the traditional dinner. We announced our pregnancy at Thanksgiving last year, so I needed to do something different to (hopefully) prevent a meltdown. Homemade meatballs and spaghetti instead this year : )

buggirl72

I envy you for having that option. I have zero desire to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with our family. DH wants to. The thought of Christmas is actually worse to me and I've let him know how I feel. We typically drive two hours to his family on Christmas Eve and then have to turn around and come back that night. I'm not up to it this year - especially since I know that every gift his family would have got me would have been for the baby. I'm already lobbying heavily for staying home. 

ThereBeDragons

We are probably going to skip my family Thanksgiving. My cousin had a baby. And I'm glad for my cousin but I cried last Thanksgiving when I found out she was pregnant (Yay for infertile tears) and seeing her happy healthy baby boy this Thanksgiving when I've just lost mine.... it's just too soon.

DH thinks we may spend some time with his family- No babies- just kids (and for some reason kids over the age of 3 don't bother me.) but I'm not committing to anything just yet. I expect the holidays to be really hard this year. We were going to find out the sex of the baby and have a big to-do announcing it to everyone at Thanksgiving.

I just want to hide under the covers and wait for all of the celebrating and happiness to be over. I don't really want to go anywhere.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

What you're doing sounds wonderful!  I wish we could do the same.  We flip holidays with our families so this year is Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his.  Hopefully I won't see my cousin who has a baby 2 months younger than Corbin should be (we normally don't).  I'm excited to see my grandparents but that's about it.  More because my aunt has thanksgiving and she's not a good cook and never makes enough food (seriously we all want to stop at McDonald's afterwards).  I'm at least happy we're not going to be at Thanksgiving with his family this year though because last year that was the only holiday we had Corbin for.

We told DH's family we want Christmas at our house this year which is a major change since his brother always has EVERYTHING!  I like the idea of not having to go anywhere but I don't want to decorate but feel I have to (and Corbin was mesmerized by the tree last year) and I don't want to be around people but I'll have to be.  It's "unacceptable" any other way.  To add insult to injury, my birthday is the day after Christmas. It always sucks anyway but last year was particularly bad and I'm guessing this year won't be much better.