Anyone else want to keep their baby from the ILs?

danieleandwayne

I can't stand my ILs. They drive me insane. My MIL kind of means well, but completely disregards what others want for their kids and is very irresponsible. Once, she let my nephew eat nothing but popsicles the entire day he was with her. Seriously?!? I have no problem with grandparents spoiling their grandchildren-- I get it. But she makes comments like, "I'll give you 50 cents if you give Grammy a kiss." Yes, that's a lesson I want my kids to learn-- hold out on giving affection to a woman who wants to babysit you and spend time with you because she loves you so you can get cash.

There is no way I would keep her from seeing and spending time with her future grandchild, but man-- I'm not looking forward to this!

I wouldn't even be thinking about this, but my MIL asked me the other day if I was going to let her see the baby. (I'm glad she thinks I'm the type of person who would deny my children a relationship with their grandparents! It's not like I tell her any of the stuff I really feel about her! I'm the greatest actress in the world!)

Anyone else having some dread about this?

benniferbaby

Same here, to all of that.

I am still dreading the in-laws experience, and LO is 11 weeks old. Thankfully they're too old and lazy to ever leave the town they live in, so we've been sheltered thus far and LO will be probably 6 months old or maybe more by the time we have to go for a visit (I shot down every guilt trip they tried to take us on about traveling with baby - we are new parents, we work, and we are barely hanging on. if you want to see your grandson so badly, YOU come to see US. why is this concept so impossible to grasp??)

I think the important thing is to reinforce the lessons that YOU want to teach your LO after the visits with the in-laws are over. I'm not sure that I have any intelligent tips on how to do this, especially not without upsetting hubby and other family members on his side, but that is my plan ... I just figure I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Good luck!!!!!!!!

Country Girl in the City

Not with the ILs but with my parents.  They are already planning on meeting me half way to their house so that they can keep her for a few days.  She also told me that she would be taking my daughter to her church for Bible school in the summer.  I was very honest with my mother and I told her that I did not approve of her parenting techniques.  I know how she punishes my sister's children and I am not willing to take the chance that she would spank my child.  I also told her that I did not have the same spiritual beliefs as what is taught in her church and my daughter will only be there for funerals and weddings.  I really do love my parents and I want my daughter to know them and spend time with them.  I just feel like I can't take risks.  It was a hard conversation to have but I do think that she understands why I feel the way that I do.

I am glad that I had the conversation early so that it will not be an issue after the baby is here.

danieleandwayne

Country Girl in the City:

Not with the ILs but with my parents.  They are already planning on meeting me half way to their house so that they can keep her for a few days.  She also told me that she would be taking my daughter to her church for Bible school in the summer.  I was very honest with my mother and I told her that I did not approve of her parenting techniques.  I know how she punishes my sister's children and I am not willing to take the chance that she would spank my child.  I also told her that I did not have the same spiritual beliefs as what is taught in her church and my daughter will only be there for funerals and weddings.  I really do love my parents and I want my daughter to know them and spend time with them.  I just feel like I can't take risks.  It was a hard conversation to have but I do think that she understands why I feel the way that I do.

I am glad that I had the conversation early so that it will not be an issue after the baby is here.

Oh god, don't even get me started about my own mom! She's getting crazier as she gets older. I mean, certifiable control issues. And she is compulsive about it-- she literally can't help herself.

When my niece was 3, my sister dropped her off at my mom's to run some errands. My niece has ALWAYS been a little peanut-- except her head and feet, she is about 2 years behind in size. She eats better now, but used to eat very little food-- healthy food, but not much of it. So my sister left her at my mom's with some crackers, some cheese, and some carrot sticks. When my sister went to pick up my niece, she asked my mom if she ate anything. My mom said, "She ate the carrots, but then I made her some cucumbers because I didn't want her eating the crackers because I didn't want her to have too many carbs." SERIOUSLY?!? She's 3 and twice the size of my cat! Too many carbs? I'm terrified of what will happen to my children at my mom's house.

But the worst will be-- they'll go to my mom's and learn that food is evil and bad and needs to be controlled. Then they'll go to my MIL's and learn that only vegetables are bad and it's totally okay to eat nothing but ice cream and tons of candy all day. I'm going to have my work cut out for me, trying to teach my kids about healthy eating and to have a good relationship with all kinds of food!

I don't even want to tell my mom that we're not planning on baptizing any of our kids. That will not end well, I'm sure... (I'm so glad I'm not alone in having parenting issues with the grandparents!)

Country Girl in the City

My mom taught me how to be really good at eating disorders.  I had not thought about that until you brought it up.  I was encouraged to keep my calories under 100 per day during summer breaks.  With my sister's kids it is a different story.  My nephew is autistic and I have watched them permit him to eat an entire bag of chips (the family size) or a package of cookies.  They will let him eat until he throws up because he doesn't have the ability to know when to stop eating.  I am not sure how she will be with my daughter about food.  I am really glad that I live 5 hours away.