Suggestions for self-support?

ForeverEverAfter

I really want a natural birth, and have read books (Natural Hospital Birth, Natural Childbirth the Bradley way and Dr Sears The Birth Book), and everything I could find on the internet. My concern is that I won't have enough support during labour, and will just go along with the nurses' suggestions. I have to deliver in the hospital with an OB, and there are no midwives or doulas in my region (actually there are no midwives practicing in this entire province). My OB is thankfully supportive of natural birth, he even delivers breech. The nurses I've witnessed on the floor though seem to really endorse pain meds, monitoring and counted pushes/holding breath.

 Our plan was for only DH to come in with me, but he seems resistant to reading up on natural birth and support. His view (not kidding) is that he understands birth from helping to deliver calves on his farm growing up. He's not a big reader, and there are no childbirth classes offered in our area or nearby. Will I be able to make it through just by reading the books myself and talking to DH about them? Should I push DH harder about preparing? 

 My mother is flying in, but not arriving til the day after my due date, so I can't count on her being here. If she does make it then she will be back up as she's had 4 natural births herself, and just coached my sister with her natural, midwife-assisted birth in October.

 If she doesn't make it, what are your ideas for supporting myself? Does anyone think that making cue cards of coping strategies would be useful? What was the biggest help in getting you through?  

sbevmc09

I think it's possible to support yourself, but obviously not ideal.  It sounds like you're with a good provider, so that's great!  Unless they do things a little differently than the norm, you'll still be dealing mostly with the nurses.  The good thing is that your doctor will still really be the one calling the shots even if they're not present so hopefully that won't be a huge issue!  I would say that it will be important for you to write up a detailed birth plan, go over it with your H in case you're in a situation where he needs to advocate for you, and also with your OB to make sure they're on board with everything you want.  Maybe even have them sign off on it so that when you give it to the nurses in the hospital they know your OB is already okay with all of your wants. 

The other thing I would do is to go over all the ways your H can support you, in detail.  Go over things like positions you might labor in and instruct him how he can help you with those, go over things he can do to help you through contractions like counter-pressure, etc.  Just be as specific as possible.  If you can get him to read something maybe he'd be into Husband-Coached Childbirth the Bradley Way.  It's not too long and I recall it being really geared towards the support person.  

GL!

vlevitt

 would your DH be willing to sit with you and watch videos of natural birth?  there are a ton on utube and other birth-related websites that often show the partners being supportive of the labouring mom.   what IS cool about your DH's farm experience is that he knows that birth is a natural process and most likely isn't scared by it.   he'll just need some pre-coaching in how to be helpful for YOU.  i like PP's advice about a detailed birth plan and a thorough debriefing of DH about what you'd like to try.

 would it be more apealing to him if you gave him specific pages or chapters to read in the books you've read? i also love the cue-cards idea too.  they could be just quick references for him in the moment without having to page through a whole birth plan.  

also, would he be willing to watch a movie about birth?  the business of being born is american-focussed (I'm also canadian), but is a good window into the birth industry and what it looks like for women to give birth naturally.

hopefully your mom will get there in time and will be the kind of support you're dreaming of. it sounds like she would be the ideal person to be with you.  GL! 

 

 

aylafsu88

Do you have a close friend who would be willing to come and support you?  If not you will do OK. It seems like you are really motivated to have a natural birth, which is great.  The cue cards are a perfect idea.  I did them for my DH even though we took the Bradley classes.  When you are in labor it is inevitable that you and your DH (even if he took classes) will forget things.  I made two lists for my DH to have on hand when I was in first stage labor. The first was a diagram of lots of different positions.  This way he could help me get into more favorable positions if I was in a lot of pain. The second was a list of positive, encouraging phrases to say to me.  These phrases would help me get through each contraction and keep me focused. He did great for the 6 hours I labored before my doula arrived.  The cue cards were a big help for DH.  If your DH is supportive of a natural birth the cards may be just the thing he needs. Most guys dont like to research/read books on childbirth, no big surprise there. If he is willing to work from the cards you provide him then I am sure you will do great!

KrisM86

My biggest help was MH. I needed him every step of the way when I was in labor with DD.

I'd push YH to prepare more to support you during a natural labor and delivery. That's his job. Maybe you could read some of the book together or watch some natural birth videos and talk about what you need from him in labor. You have to give birth; I think the least he can do is prepare a little and be ready to support you.

choppinbroccoli22

I dog-eared pages from "Easing Labor Pain" and "Active Labor" that I wanted my H to read. He did not.

However. When the time came, I knew what to tell him to do, and he did it. He was actually nothing short of amazing. The midwife just stood back and let him work on me.

You can do it! He might be great as far as being able to handle certain things, with his farm background. As long as he doesn't compare you to a barnyard animal, I'd feel fairly confident in his ability to back you up when you need him most. Prepare yourself the best you can. Know which positions and manual pressures you think you'd like to try. It's not hard to say, "hold me more here... push harder here..."

ForeverEverAfter

Thanks ladies! I feel better about it now. I'm not sure if he'll watch movies, but it's worth trying. He does talk with me about what I'm reading, so when I get my cue cards and birth plan done I'll go over them with him.