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First day of work

starburst0928starburst0928
in Late Term and Child Loss

Okay, it's my first day of work. I know we just talked about this too... But I'm super nervous. I was so confident before and now I'm falling apart! 

Just little things occurred to me this morning, like my alarm going off. I realized after I hit snooze that it was the alarm I set so I would wake up on time for Bradley's induction. When I hit snooze, the song I think Bradley sent to me a few weeks ago randomly started playing on my phone, like he was saying 'its okay mommy, I love you and will be with you all day'. 

I also feel like going back to work without needing to drop a baby off at daycare is a huge slap in the face. 

And to make me cry just a bit more, because apparently I'm not crying enough already, I feel terrible for leaving the house and going back to work. I feel like I'm abandoning him or something.  I realize that's a crazy thought because he's not at my house, but in a way, he is, ya know? 

Oh loss mommies, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I hate bugging DH while he is at work with these things, because I know it would cause him to break down, and he doesn't like doing that at work. 

Now I must go put on my makeup again. I need tear proof makeup...  

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Re: First day of work

  • lolee465lolee465 member

    I'm so sorry you're having a bad morning. Going back to work was really hard, but I hope you're returning to supportive coworkers. Do what's best for you today, ease yourself back in..and if you have to leave early..do it!

    I'm glad you got a little sign from Bradley, I know it's his way cheering you on! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts today. ((hugs))

    Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
    I love you always, my beautiful girl.

    Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus

    || <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation TrackeMy Ovulation Chart

    BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.

    6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!

    10/30/13-He's here!! Happy Birthday, Ryan! We love you so much! xo

    Lilypie - (Bfmg)

     

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  • tuscanbride2007tuscanbride2007 member
    imagelolee465:

    I'm so sorry you're having a bad morning. Going back to work was really hard, but I hope you're returning to supportive coworkers. Do what's best for you today, ease yourself back in..and if you have to leave early..do it!

    I'm glad you got a little sign from Bradley, I know it's his way cheering you on! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts today. ((hugs))

    I agree with this! Walk away if you need to and leave if you need to. There is no "right" way to do this! I will keep you in my thoughts today! Hang in there!

    ((HUGS))

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    ((hugs)). I'm glad you got a sign from Bradley. Those can make me cry tears of joy and sadness at the same time. Also, I didn't put anything on my face but moisturizer for months after we lost Patricia. After 6 months, I started wearing mascara again but that's it.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • meli1025meli1025 member
    ((Hugs)) Hang in there!  I wish I had something of value to add but I am going back on Monday and my anxiety is through the roof.  Just picturing myself parking the car and walking through that door again without my baby bump makes me sick.  I really hope your coworkers are being supportive and I agree with other PP's, leave early if you need to and take frequent breaks,  that's what I plan to do!  Take this day one hour at a time,  one minute at a time if you need to.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

    BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.

    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section

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  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member

    **hugs** I hope that your day went OK. My first day back at work was so weird...it's been almost six weeks, but I'll never forget it. I did pull away from my desk a couple of times to cry, but I was relieved that the anxiety of going back was worse than how the day went. I was so relieved that I made it through that I bawled my eyes out when I got home. The days have slowly gotten better, but some days are still better than others. Just be sure to take the time that you need and cry when you need to. I know it will be rough, but I hope it gets better as you get back into a routine.

    ________________________________________________________________________________


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • Sweet&Salty11Sweet&Salty11

    Hope you're doing alright. I agree with all the previous posters - focus on yourself, take your time and continue to be gentle. I went back on Wednesday this week and it was way better than I had anticipated. Still hard, but not terrible.

    I love that you heard Bradley's song this morning. What a nice way to start your day from your sweet little boy. 

    Our little boy, born sleeping at 37 weeks. Always loved, always remembered. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Our sunshine on a cloudy day. Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • mnhudson17mnhudson17 member

    I hope your day went well and I hope the days to follow only get easier. ((HUGS))

    Everyone else had great advice and I don't think I could say it any better!

    Married my BFF 1/7/2012
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    BFP #1 3/17/12, EDD 11/25/12, born sleeping 7/26/12 @22w4d
    We will see you again Lily Nicole! :)
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    ~PGAL/PAL Always Welcome~
    Hello BFP #2 11/12/12, EDD 7/26/13
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • starburst0928starburst0928

    Made it through with no breakdowns from the elevator on! I fortunately work with very supportive people, everyone was so great. 

    I wasn't so worried about the people though, more so the thoughts like 'last time I sat in this chair Bradley was sick and I didn't know it'. 

    But I'm home now! I strategically made my first day on a Friday for a reason! 

    I just want my baby back. :(

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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