***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

starburst0928

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Yes! Had my 6 week PP visit and was able to get autopsy results (maybe an infection, but inconclusive). I was strangely consoled by the results. I didn't think we would find out why he passed, but I was terrified they would find something wrong that indicated we wouldn't be able to have a rainbow baby. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Get through the holidays. Not sure what that means... Don't be a puddle of tears for the next two months? Probably take things one day at a time. 

QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?

Depends on how stable I am that day/hour. I have cried in public, but am usually able to hold them back. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Going back to work tomorrow. Grieving is a full time job, I'm worried about going backwards because I won't have enough time to give my grieving enough attention. 

Bayberry12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really, but like I always mention every week get easier.  Oh, I did get a great groupon deal for yoga classes.  I plan to go to the first class on Friday morning, and then twice a week till the end of the year when the pass expires.  So, I guess that is something.  

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Definitely, trying  to get through the holidays.  I already have so much anxiety about them and seeing extended family.  It's not a fun time when you are so sad and thinking that your LO should be here with you.  

QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?

I have cried in public, a lot.  But, now I can hold back.  I do cry alone when I feel sad and am missing my little girl.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Thinking about Thanksgiving, and whether I will attempt to cook or get a prepared meal, since it will be just DH and I.       

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Not really. I will agree with Bayberry that every week gets a little easier.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Make it through the holidays. I mentioned yesterday that I am struggling with the fact that I will have my new niece present. It is going to be really hard. I keep playing scenarios over and over in my head and hope that I will be able articulate my feelings to people if they try to push me holding or being around her.
QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?It really depends on the situation. I can usually get through talking about it, but if someone looks like they are about to cry, then it usually sets me off. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I already mentioned my niece. I am also really struggling with her parents (DH's brother and his wife). They have never said anything to us when we lost Annabelle. They are not ones for confrontation, but a "hey how are you doing" would be nice. I recently received a thank you card from SIL for a present for the baby and at the end of the note it said "Hope you are happy..." It really rubbed me the wrong way. I have had a few dreams where I have yelled at them. I guess I have some pent up anger towards them?

lolee465

tuscanbride2007:

  What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make it through the holidays. I mentioned yesterday that I am struggling with the fact that I will have my new niece present. It is going to be really hard. I keep playing scenarios over and over in my head and hope that I will be able articulate my feelings to people if they try to push me holding or being around her.

I really hope your family can respect your feelings about this and not push you. I have a lot of anxiety about the holidays for the same reason..we haven't decided yet, but we've talked about skipping the holidays all together this year. My brother has a 6 month old daughter, my DH's sister had a son the day before Jillian was born and his brothers wife had a son a month ago. I'm so happy for them, but I'm SO heartbroken right now...I don't think I can handle seeing them. I have a feeling my family will understand, but I don't think DH's will.

lolee465

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, just that I started taking provera (sp?) to help regulate AF. I'm not sure if it's that or what but I feel like I'm back in those first few weeks my world fell apart. This week has been really hard. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? We're planning to start TTC this month so I bought OPK's and have been reading a lot on how to read them correctly. Researching that stuff helps take my mind of things. QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone? I'm still in the place that I cry everytime I talk about this, and I do kind of a lot in public. The old me would have been embarassed, but I can't feel bad for how I'm dealing with things. If people feel uncomfortable then they can just avoid me I guess, and some people do avoid me but I've realized I don't need those people anyways. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? TTC, dreading my brothers wedding this weekend since it's the first time I'll see extended family since Jillians funeral, and dreading the holidays. I started working out again this week, and I'm hoping that will help me have a more positive outlook.

tuscanbride2007

lolee465:

tuscanbride2007:

  What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make it through the holidays. I mentioned yesterday that I am struggling with the fact that I will have my new niece present. It is going to be really hard. I keep playing scenarios over and over in my head and hope that I will be able articulate my feelings to people if they try to push me holding or being around her.

I really hope your family can respect your feelings about this and not push you. I have a lot of anxiety about the holidays for the same reason..we haven't decided yet, but we've talked about skipping the holidays all together this year. My brother has a 6 month old daughter, my DH's sister had a son the day before Jillian was born and his brothers wife had a son a month ago. I'm so happy for them, but I'm SO heartbroken right now...I don't think I can handle seeing them. I have a feeling my family will understand, but I don't think DH's will.

I really wish we could skip the holidays this year. I tried to skip my birthday, but instead, I was dragged kicking and screaming to my BIL and pregnant SIL's house while having AF, a cold and not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all. I felt like no one listened to what I actually wanted that day. I have a feeling it will be the same for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I hope you at least get to skip this year!

Williamandshawnna

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Emotionally I am going back a little, someone very close to us basically said that it has been 6 months and we need to move on. No, it's been just over 4 months (she argued the time fram a little!!!) Physically, after months of Doctor visits I saw an Orthopedic who is sending me for physical therapy for the pain in my hips. YAY! What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? The goal is to get healthier and get my hips no hurting all day every day. QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone? I try not to cry in public, but I have also kind of avoided the topic in public. If it does happen I am not ashamed of it, but because of my work I try to keep the tears away from my customers. My staff I am not as worried about, they understand and let me do what I need to do. I am thankful for that. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? So much, the close family member basically saying get over it, the holidays, I am still in limbo I want nothing to do with them and at the same time I want it to be happy for our sons. Does that even make sense?? I don't want to face extended family during the holidays, because this will be the first time since our losses that we would see them and I feel that we will put everyone in an unfestive mood. I also don't want the looks of pitty etc. And most of all, the hardest thing right now is our due date, November 14. I took off from work but really don't know what I am going to do that day. And I still feel guilty for not holding/seeing our boys.

mnhudson17

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really. My DH has be stressed lately since he just started a new job, and I have not wanted to add to his stress by bringing up our loss. So these past couple of weeks I have kept a lot of my emotions inside, part of the reason I found this group.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?

Be more open with my feelings and emotions, especially with people that can help (like you wonderful ladies). Not depend so much on my DH for support, so he can grieve as well.

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Spend more time on this board.

QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears until you are alone?

One thing I have defiantly learned through all this is that crying does not equal weakness. I cry in public and alone, I try my best to let it happen. Someone told me that crying releases endorphines that make you happy, which means crying is our bodies natural way of healing our emotional wounds.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Just like everyone else, the fast approaching Holidays are on my mind. We switch off on the Holidays, so this Thanksgiving will be at my parents? house (45 min from where we live). My due date is the Sunday after, so luckily I will be able to spend that day with my DH at our house. Christmas will be at his Grandpa's house (2 1/2 hours away so we will be spending 5 days with them), and I know being away from my family will make that difficult, especially since I was looking so forward to celebrating Lily's first Christmas this year. There has also been a lot of drama about the Holidays with both of our families, so that does not help either. It has led to arguments between the DH and I, which makes me want to just skip the holidays altogether this year! I know that wouldn't go over well with the families though...

Just wanted to add a little note... I am so glad I found this group! It helps me so much!!! Thank you everyone!

jrebele

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

 I started therapy this week which was good to talk to someone not emotionally involved and removed from everything to help gain perspective with everything that I have been feeling the last 7 weeks. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

  My new goal is to get through the holidays enjoying all of the firsts with Eva instead of focusing on all of the firsts that Sophia is missing by not being here with her twin.  Not sure how I will get there but my DH has been amazing through this and that has been what has kept him positive.

QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?

  I generally can hold back tears depending on who I am talking to.  Sometimes when I am talking to someone I am seeing for the first time since it happened I can't hold back. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

 Sophia's autopsy results.  We were supposed to find out when I went for my 6 week pp appointment on Monday but that was canceled since the doctors office only got power back today from Sandy.  Now we have to wait until the 17th and it is just so frustrating to be left wondering for another week plus. 

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I've just kept doing what I'm doing - keeping busy. I actually feel really, really good this week...this is the best I've felt since losing Devon. It feels weird because I feel sorta kinda happy again.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I need to make it through TTC the first month [we start in December]. I'm not worried about Thanksgiving because I'll just be at home with my immediate family, and I have family coming into town the following week that I haven't seen in years. I'm still very anxious about that.I think my next big goal is preparing for my godson's birth. My best friend is due soon, but I haven't seen her since the memorial because I can't handle it. BUT, I want to be there for her, I want to meet her son as soon as I can, and I just need to be sure I'm OK emotionally and mentally before I do that.
QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?
I cry in public. It's weird - sometimes, when I'm talking about Devon, I won't cry at all. I met a good friend for lunch on Tuesday and talked to her about my loss for a good 20 minutes, and no tears. But then I talked about him last week with a different friend and cried. It comes and goes, but I definitely don't try to hold the tears back. I'm not afraid to cry, because it's still painful.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm not as apprehensive about the holidays as I thought I'd be. I'm amazed that I feel pretty good right now, but I'm afraid as we get closer to the holidays, grief will start rolling in again.

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No, I've been ok so far.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Getting through another set of holidays. 
QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone? At the beginning I did but I've been able to hold it in.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Still my sinus'. Brianna's always on my mind, I miss her so much.

kikibelle

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I don't think so : /What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through the holidays. I'm now realizing that they will be harder than I initially thought. I've been hiding a lot of people from my FB newsfeed lately. Too many baby pics and posts about Christmas stockings.QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?I save the tears until I'm alone. Not sure if it's the healthiest thing, but that's me. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?A lot-missing Julian, TTC, how to deal with pregnant SIL 

tracint

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Sunday, November 4th was Edyn's expected due date so the DH and I and our families gathered at the cemetery to do a balloon release in rememberance of her. It was a special time, but it was definitely hard. The rest of this week was a little easier than I anticipated, but I keep thinking today could have been the day... today I could've been holding my baby. Only if things could have been different.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Well, I'm still trying to lose weight, but that's an on-going goal... Another goal is to get a job. DH and I want to try again but I'm not sure if I'll be able to work while pregnant so I to save up as much money as possible ahead of time. I started applying to different organizations in our area,but it hasn't been easy

QOTW: Do you cry in public when talking about your angel or do you save the tears untill you are alone?

I rarely cry in public. I really dont even cry much in front of family and friends... It's not that I'm trying to hide it, because we talk about it openly I just feel more comfortable crying alone or with DH. But I've noticed that when I dont cry for a few days then I'll have a whole day where I just cant stop I guess it all gets bottled up...

Open Topic: What is on your mind this week?

The holidays for sure... I'm completely dreading it. I was the type that loved the holidays and getting into the spirit of it all, and now I dont even want to think about it. Seeing the Christmas ads and commercials make my stomach hurt! I wish it was different but dont we all...

*** thoughts and prayers for all of you ladies (((Hugs)))