Is this normal? (behavior related)

meg1974

DD was a very well behaved child until she turned 3. Since then, her behavior has slowly been getting worse and worse. Now, it's to the point where she has a screaming fit at least 5 or 6 times a day, mostly because things don't go her way. We use positive discipline techniques and have tried explaining things to her and connecting with her, but it doesn't work. She goes crazy at the littlest things and won't calm down. 

Here's an example: She wanted to play with DD2, but I picked up DD2 so I could change her diaper. I explained to her what I was doing before I did it, but nonetheless she started screaming like crazy. I tried calming her down, hugging her, talking to her, but she just kicked me and screamed. This is pretty much how everything goes, all of the time. 

Is something wrong with her? If it's normal, is there anything we can do to minimize it until she gets through the phase?  It's so draining. 

rlyttle

We are going through that now! Normal for 2-3 year olds.

hero

This behavior is going to be the death of me and I only have one child. Ds is 3.5. I just walk away from ds or put him in his room. Engaging ds in any manner, even hugs, only feeds the monster. I have try to give him words for his feelings and sometimes he can tell me that he is mad or frustrated or just needs attention.

aglenn

It's the terrible threes....When this happens with us I will ask DD if she would like to go to her room and calm down for a little while, and she usually says yes.  She will trot off to her room, get a blanket or stuffed animal, and let the rest of the tantrum out in her bed.  Then she comes back and tells me she feels better now.  They just get overwhelmed by emotion sometimes and if I try to make her feel better it makes it worse somehow.  She calms down better if I give her some space.

Brewtowngrl

It is normal, but I would not do what you are doing.  I would ignore her.  By hugging and talking you are just giving her the attention she was seeking and reinforcing it. We put them in their room till they calm down.  123 magic is a great book.  

sophiet496

Right there with you. For about the past month, he has been impossible.  A total brat, for lack of better words. Ugh.  I'm not a fan of this stage.

08summerbride

Going through similar behaviors but DD is only 2.5. If the 3s are worse than this I am going to lose my mind. I probably need to be better at ignoring the fits as well. We have some success with time outs when there is a specific behavior tied to it, but somet times they come out of nowhere.
Yesterday I asked her if she wanted her appl whole or sliced and her inability to make a decision sent her into 30 min. Of whining and uncooperative behavior.

mavs_girl07

Brewtowngrl:

It is normal, but I would not do what you are doing.  I would ignore her.  By hugging and talking you are just giving her the attention she was seeking and reinforcing it. We put them in their room till they calm down.  123 magic is a great book.  

This.  We started making DD go to her room when she went into meltdown mode like this.  Not necessarily for a time out to discipline, but more of a time out for her to cool herself down.  Even if she calmed down and started playing with the toys in her room, it didn't matter to me.  The point of it was to 1. teach her to calm herself down, and 2. teach her that it was unacceptable behavior and she couldn't be in the same room as everyone else or a part of our fun if she behaved that way.  We would take her to her room and tell her she couldn't come out until she was calm and quiet.  If she came out calm, wonderful.  She got praised for calming herself down and could go back to playing.  If she came out still ticked off at the world, we sent her back again and reminded her she wasn't to come out until she was calm and quiet.  It took a couple weeks of doing this consistently for her to get it.   

meg1974

Thanks so much for all of the advice, and I'm so glad to know I'm not alone!

I have tried ignoring her before, but it just makes it escalate and I sometimes get headaches from the screaming. She won't go to her room willingly. I would literally have to drag her kicking and screaming. But, I guess I could try doing it more consistently. 

heymommy

It is normal for a three year old to act this way. Some are worse than others.

She is NOT going to go to her room willingly. There is no trying you must pick her up and put her in her room each and every time she does this. Tell her she can come out when she is ready to be nice. listen etc. You might have to do this 20 times a day, It is going to get worse before it gets better. She will eventually figure out that acting like this is not going to work for her. The more consistent you are the earlier she will get the message.

Also child proof her room. Take everything breakable out. She might go crazy in her room throwing things etc. she will do it. Do not go back in there. She will calm down on her own. Ignore ignore ignore. My daughter ( now 9) would throw her toys at her door. Once she is calm, you go in her room and ask are you ready to be nice now. If she says yes she comes out and you start over.

superaunt

oh no, you're definitely not alone. mine's been acting/reacting the same way for the past month and it only seems to be getting worse.   i find absolutely not acknowledging her in any way is the best way to get her calm but that's not always so easy. and the absolute defiance? wowzers she's a tough one sometimes.

Halen0804

I think it's normal.  I would maybe try ignoring some of the tantrum behaviors unless she isn't being safe.  Maybe minimizing the attention during a tantrum will eliminate the reinforcement of the tantrum (that's assuming the tantrum is to gain attention). 

Think about what DD is trying to get by having the tantrum (attention, an object, etc) and then do the opposite.  Reward her when she asks for what she wants appropriately.   It will probably get worse before it gets better until she figures out that she's not going to get what she wants unless she asks/ acts for it apporpriately.  JMO

Angela814

Brewtowngrl:

It is normal, but I would not do what you are doing.  I would ignore her.  By hugging and talking you are just giving her the attention she was seeking and reinforcing it. We put them in their room till they calm down.  123 magic is a great book.  

I haven't read the book, but I agree with this. 3 is a very hard age. We always did time outs for bad behavior or ignored her and left the room. You can't reason with a tantruming 3 yo.

nosoup4u

Three sucks! That is all.