Foster Care

bambi05

I'm new to this board, my husband and I have taken the classes, completed our Home study, and now here we are with our very first call. We are expecting a boy... he's 9 (older then we planed) been in care for over a year, and we are ready.... At least in the pretend world I live in... we are emotionally ready! We have no children of our own, and where lead to foster care after much consideration and prayer!  Any other Foster Parents out there with words of advice. How do I welcome this new child. Chance are he will not be returning home, all family visit's have been cut off, and if that is the case we would most likely want to adopt. I just want this child to have the most loving caring home we can possible provide no matter how long he may be with us! So any advice about foster care period is welcome!!!

Foster1Mom

If he has been in care for a year I would see if you can speak with the current FP. They should have some help on his behaviors or issues. I would make sure you have house rules listed and posted. You will probably have a honeymoon stage of a few weeks. Do you have any friends with kids his age? I would get with them and see what 9 yr old boys are into.

Best of Luck. Ask any questions you have.  

elissaann26

I completely agree with PP.  But I would also suggest having a discussion about house rules.  What rules does he want?  Obviously, some of your rules on non-negotiable, but we found even with a 5 year old that it was great to give him some input.  This greatly reduced anxiety about some major issues because certain things were against the rules and not allowed in our house.

I would also say to remember to breathe!  The first month is going to filled with so many logistics (school, doctors, therapist, social workers) and so much getting to know you and adjusting to your new normal.  It is going to be a crazy time, so just take it one day at a time, or even one "job" at a time. 

If possible, you could also ask the boy to help decorate his room.  It can be as simple as picking out the comforter or letting him decide on a theme.

I would also suggest getting him involved in activities (sports, arts, etc.).  This will help form a schedule and give him some outlets to work out his stress.

Hang in there!  Let us know how things are going!  And definitely ask questions as they come up!  We are here to help you, cheer with you and cry/vent with you too!

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elissaann26

marshmallowevening:

I think all of the above is good advice. I would want to know what his routine now is like so you can try to make the transition smooth. I would also want to know details on past trauma so you can make sure he gets counseling or whatever other types of services he may need. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Also, ask about any triggers.  Or if you know about past trauma it may help you identify triggers quicker.