Tantrums and crying

Amanda88

I'm at my breaking point with my DS(4). He cries over EVERYTHING. I don't know what to do anymore. He is a happy kid most of the time, but if you ask him to do anything he cries. He cries for no apparent reason too. Just now he came out of the bathroom crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "nothing". I asked him if he was hurt... "no". I asked him if anything was bothering him, why he was crying... nothing. It is maddening. 

He has been on this downward slope with temper-tantrums and random crying for months now. I don't know how else to communicate with him to figure it out. I'm beyond frustrated. I feel like he is up and down sooo much lately. I just want to know what's bothering him and fix it and I can't... I feel like I am failing him as a parent.

Help. 

srashell

My 4 year old has been the same way.  He cried through "The Lorax" because he didn't want to watch it.  Last night he had a total meltdown because he didn't want a bath.  It drives me crazy!  I do think he is in a growth spurt and just feeling over-tired.  The time change didn't help matters.  I just keep telling myself- "This too shall pass!"

KathrynMD

Is he like that with other people too - at school, etc.?  My DD is very dramatic around me (and especially DH) when she's tired, but she's Ok most of the time at school.

Amanda88

I talked to his teacher this morning and apparently the past two weeks she has really had to get on to him about acting out.

It got so bad last night when I picked him up to take him to his room (mid-tantrum) he kicked me in the face with his soccer cleats on. I have a bruise on my face this morning. He has been pulling on his ears, but doesn't have an ear infection. His ears are bruised from either pulling on them or falling. I feel like since he started pre-school he has become a little monster.

Could he be picking these habits up from school? I asked his teacher to watch him closely at school since he has been acting weird. He is just so happy then so sad. I'm at a loss of what to do for him. 

 

KathrynMD

I'm just speculating here, but could you try a reward chart for not misbehaving or set things up as races to encourage him to do them?  DD will do just about anything to earn a "star" or sticker and so normally that what helps motivate her and/or if I add a race element - who can put on their shoes fastest, etc. that works too.  Just flat out telling her to do stuff doesn't work very well most of the time and if I get stern, it gets worse.  Add tiredness to it and it could be disastarous

Also - have you tried asking in calm or quiet moment why he's so upset?  He might tell you something silly or really answer you.  You could also try (again in a calm moment) giving him some suggestions for how to calm himself down instead of crying - close your eyes, count to 3, take a deep breath, etc. whatever.

neverblushed

Amanda88:

He has been pulling on his ears, but doesn't have an ear infection. His ears are bruised from either pulling on them or falling. I feel like since he started pre-school he has become a little monster.

Could he be picking these habits up from school? 

Age 4 can be a time of increased anxiety and aggression in kids.  For kids to still cry and have occasional tantrums at age four is pretty normal.  However, I think when a child is pulling on his ears enough to create bruises, that's more anxiety than is typical.

I don't think this is a "habit" he's "picking up" at school, in the way that kids might start to use potty talk if they hear other kids use it, or something like that.  However, he might be having a tough time adjusting to school, and it might be causing anxiety that is manifesting in crying and acting out.

I think you're smart to use the teacher as an ally and to ask her to keep an eye on him.  If these behaviors persist for more than another month or 6 weeks, you might want to call your pediatrician.