when adults act like children...

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In this particular case, it's my mom and MIL.  Both are planning my shower and are supposed to work together, but I'm finding out otherwise.  They're both mad at the other for various reasons and all the reasons are beyond silly (such as: "I was supposed to book the place and she did it instead" or "she already did some of the things I wanted to do".)  I have not been involved because I didn't really want to be planning my own shower by any means, but after finding out all this garbage today, I feel like I have to referree!   My mom is 61 and my MIL is 57 and it's pretty hilarious that they are fighting like 8th graders!! 

Just thought I'd share. I find this all annoying but in many ways quite funny.  Someone's gotta keep the future grandmothers of my children under control!

JenniD2

I feel your pain. This reminds me of my Bridal shower. I didn't find out that there were problems until both moms started cursing at each other..... Yeah...that did not end well.

Jillwithani

Ours fought over the pop, literally. Cans vs. liters. 

LaineyPaney

Oh my goodness... You realize this is just the beginning of the competition.

Not to freak you out, but have you guys thought about which grandma is going to HOLD this little one first???

Ooooh girl.... May the force be with you!

rhubarb123

Oh my...I agree this is only the beginning.  I was fortunately that my MIL lives in another state (only 5 hours away...but far enough).  It was probably still a good idea that my cousin hosted my shower.

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LaineyPaney:

Oh my goodness... You realize this is just the beginning of the competition. Not to freak you out, but have you guys thought about which grandma is going to HOLD this little one first??? Ooooh girl.... May the force be with you!

Oh Lord!  I never in a million years thought of that but that should be an amazing experience. And by amazing experience, I mean I am going to likely have to run away and hide where neither of them can find me or the baby. 

 

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Jillwithani:

Ours fought over the pop, literally. Cans vs. liters. 

So which won?  Cans or liters?

 

littleredfish

LaineyPaney:

Oh my goodness... You realize this is just the beginning of the competition. Not to freak you out, but have you guys thought about which grandma is going to HOLD this little one first??? Ooooh girl.... May the force be with you!

100% agree with this. The only reason there was no competition as to who would get to hold her first is because MIL was overseas when DD was born. The new competition is who will invite more family from their side to DDs baptism. My ILs and their whole family aren't even religious and MIL asked us why we were "even bothering" but now she's upset there will be more of my family present. Go figure. You can't win.

joshandpanda

wow... that is crazy...

Im so happy all our parents get along... we never had any issues of "competition"  

I really hope they grow up soon, not only for their sake, but yours as well! 

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The root of this really is that my mom and my MIL have very different personalities through and through. My MIL is very type-a, organized, in your face, controlling, etc. She also took a VERY long time to "cut the cord" with her son (my husband.)  Whereas my mom (bless her heart) is kind of a space cadet, was very into letting me be independent, not one to ruffle feathers.  However, in terms of the shower, my mom felt that this would be the time where she should flex her muscles a little more and mark her territory (as in, she didn't want MIL to push her around like she normally tends to do.)  So when my MIL assumed that she would just be doing everything, she was shocked when she was met on the other end by my mom who was proactively doing things and getting stuff done efficiently and well.

What's funny is that I am normally a lot more like my MIL than my mom in terms of my also being organized and type A, but I wholeheartedly support my mother taking a stand in this way.  I know for a fact that my MIL would love nothing more than to be considered the "primary grandmother" and she's in for a surprise.......

Disneygeek77

I don't know if it is too late but could one each host their own shower ?  This way they can do it their own way. 

In addition, when I am hosting one shower with mulitple people, we usually find a way to agree on the theme and then divy up the tasks.  For example, one person does food, another does decorations, another does invitationas / favors / games.  We also agree that the others have no say in how one approaches their own task.  So, if I get food and my sister is in charge of decorations and I don't personally like what she is doing, I have to keep my mouth shut. 

rpalen29

sounds like they're trying to assert dominance over the other. "who rules the hen house" type of thing. My mom and MIL get along fine; im worried about my FIL's gf. She likes to be very bossy, and is a baby hogger (everytime theres a baby around shes the only one who can hold it). We don't like her and hope she doesn't get involved with my shower. lol 

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stw_77:

In addition, when I am hosting one shower with mulitple people, we usually find a way to agree on the theme and then divy up the tasks.  For example, one person does food, another does decorations, another does invitationas / favors / games.  We also agree that the others have no say in how one approaches their own task.  So, if I get food and my sister is in charge of decorations and I don't personally like what she is doing, I have to keep my mouth shut. 

That was the plan.  Problem was, my mom came up with her list and my MIL came up with hers, and there was some overlap.  What my MIL thought would happen was that she would, as usual, just divvy up things herself and tell my mom what she was in charge of and that my mom would be ok with that.  Instead, my mom actually stood up for herself and said that she would like to take on more things and that she did not agree with how my MIL's list was divided (it was very one-sided.) 

Even so, my MIL still did her own thing. My mom was definitely in charge of booking the venue and invitations.  She discussed the venue options with my MIL and they agreed on the venue.  The next day, my mom got an email from my MIL that said that my MIL booked the venue!  Funny thing is, my MIL not only booked the wrong room (not enough capacity) but also made the time for super early in the morning.  All my family is out of town and would be driving 3-4 hours to get to the shower, so obviously this had to be changed..... LOL.

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rpalen29:

sounds like they're trying to assert dominance over the other. "who rules the hen house" type of thing. My mom and MIL get along fine; im worried about my FIL's gf. She likes to be very bossy, and is a baby hogger (everytime theres a baby around shes the only one who can hold it). We don't like her and hope she doesn't get involved with my shower. lol 

She sounds LOVELY!

Disneygeek77

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stw_77:

In addition, when I am hosting one shower with mulitple people, we usually find a way to agree on the theme and then divy up the tasks.  For example, one person does food, another does decorations, another does invitationas / favors / games.  We also agree that the others have no say in how one approaches their own task.  So, if I get food and my sister is in charge of decorations and I don't personally like what she is doing, I have to keep my mouth shut. 

That was the plan.  Problem was, my mom came up with her list and my MIL came up with hers, and there was some overlap.  What my MIL thought would happen was that she would, as usual, just divvy up things herself and tell my mom what she was in charge of and that my mom would be ok with that.  Instead, my mom actually stood up for herself and said that she would like to take on more things and that she did not agree with how my MIL's list was divided (it was very one-sided.) 

Even so, my MIL still did her own thing. My mom was definitely in charge of booking the venue and invitations.  She discussed the venue options with my MIL and they agreed on the venue.  The next day, my mom got an email from my MIL that said that my MIL booked the venue!  Funny thing is, my MIL not only booked the wrong room (not enough capacity) but also made the time for super early in the morning.  All my family is out of town and would be driving 3-4 hours to get to the shower, so obviously this had to be changed..... LOL.

 And there is no way they can have two separeate showers.  Is the venue issue all sorted out now ?  I just hope there aren't any more issues for your sake.

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stw_77:

 And there is no way they can have two separeate showers.  Is the venue issue all sorted out now ?  I just hope there aren't any more issues for your sake.

Probably not, no.   My mom will be away for most of January which would have been the best month to do anything.  My shower is 2/2.  I'm due 3/5.  My MIL refuses to have anything in December bc she is superstitious (doesn't want to do anything too early.)

So basically I need to just put my best mediator's hat on and hope it fits

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Thanks

It gets better!  Just when I thought I knew all the drama, I come to find out more.  My MIL does not get along with my FIL's family. Unfortunately for her, FIL's family is massive (think My Big Fat Greek Wedding).  There is one niece in particular that she has an issue with, and this niece happens to be my husband's favorite first cousin and a good friend of mine.  She offered to help with the shower planning (she has planned about 50 showers and is amazing at it) and my MIL refused the help and said she refused to work with her. My mom, however, was totally into it!  Uh oh.

MamaOpp

I haven't had a baby shower but I sure hope that if I have one this time, I don't run into trouble like this. My MIL and my FIL are divorced and he has remarried. I absolutely love my FIL's wife and she is so much fun to be around. My MIL on the other hand is really uptight and these two ladies have never spoken to each other. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out for you.

sistio

This sounds similar with what I'm going through. Two different showers which I'm ok with but the wrinkle is that because my MIL is completely irresponsible with her money and therefore has none, my husband is giving her the money for my own shower. Completely don't agree with this at all and I've told him this, but he just gets upset at me for even bringing it up. So at the end of the day, I'm getting two showers one of which I have to pay for.