In person support groups?

jess123456

Hi ladies,

I am contemplating attending a local support group for infant and later pregnancy loss. I have been seeing a therapist who has been very helpful to talk with but think I might be able to benefit from a support group with other people who have experienced later loss and recurrent pregnancy loss.

Have any of you attended one? What has been your experience? Since I have experienced recurrent loss in addition to the loss of my baby girl part of me is nervous to attend because I don't want to lose all hope but hope that the group could be comforting in terms of handling my grief and getting the courage to move forward too if that is even possible.

Thanks as always.

starburst0928

I attend two support groups, and I find them to be very helpful.  The two groups are very different though, so I would encourage you to try out a few and to find the one that works the best for you.  Also keep in mind that the people in attendance can change without notice, so even if you don't like the current attendees but like the facilitators, I would recommend going a few times to see if the attendees change for the better.  

It was eye opening for me to realize how other people's losses occurred.  It could cause a little more anxiety next pregnancy because I now know other tragic stories, but I think the benefits of being able to talk openly about your loss with others, and to hear other's stories it very helpful.  And lets me honest, I think I would have eventually learned of all the other loss possibilities with all the time I've spent on google.  

Being a part of this board, we've obviously have had the opportunity to communicate with other loss moms, but there is an added element when you get to do it in person.  You quickly form great friendships, and I the in-person element makes talking about our losses more therapeutic.   

I would recommend finding one (or more!) in your area!

 

jess123456

Thanks so much for replying. Since I have never been to a support group before, what is the typical format or does it really vary? For example, do they expect everyone to talk or is it alright to listen?

starburst0928

My group sounds very similar to rsigler's experiences. The group often starts with a trip around the room where we tell as little or as much of our story as we wish. Tears from everyone are usually flowing, and there is a big Kleenex box in the middle. Then the floor opens up to topics people want to talk about which is lead by the facilitator. Talk as little of as much as you want!  My groups are 1.5 hours each, and since I attend two groups, I have 4 a month.

Sometimes there are specific topics or speakers that come in. I always walk out thinking I learned something about our experience or myself. 

weddedwife

I have been to 2 different groups, one I still go to. It meets once a month and is facilitated by a multiple loss mama. The dynamic of the group changes as new members come but the format is usually the same, sort of open forum and we can talk or not talk as much as we need to. If your new they will ask you to share your story but you don't have to.

It has helped immensely talking in person with other people who have survived this. I knew within a few weeks of our loss that it was something I couldn't handle on my own. I have made friends with several of the ladies as well as the facilitator. I was so nervous I was shaking the first time we went but it has helped so much and I plan on continuing to go.

The group we don't go to anymore met weekly. It was much needed at first. Over time though, I felt like it was too often and the facilitator would let things go too off topic. I'm all for getting to know people but we are there to discuss our losses so it gets annoying if the topic strays for too long. After awhile I felt like I just wasn't getting anything from that group anymore so we stopped going.

GL and let us know how it goes!

Sweet&Salty11

Bravo to you Jess for considering a support group. It can be pretty scary at first. I have been attending a group for about one month now. We meet for one hour each week for a total of 12 weeks. The group is designed to build on what was discussed the week prior. Not like a 12-step process or anything, but I think they do it this way so we can get comfortable with the other families. The facilitators typically have a topic to discuss, but they let the discussion go wherever it naturally flows, as long as it's regarding the loss of our kids. Some of the dads in our group will go an entire session without speaking. It's not weird or awkward for anyone. That is their choice and we all just respect it. 

Overall, I would say my support group has helped. It's a mixed bag though because I was really looking for someone that had experienced pretty much the same thing as me, a full-term loss with no prior complications. Not that any loss is worse/better, they're just different. I needed someone in real life that knew exactly what I was going through. Unfortunately, all of the other moms were not quite as far along as I was. But having the opportunity each week to say whatever I want about my son has been great. It took about 3 sessions for me to really open up. Good luck - I hope it works out for you if you decide to go. 

Bayberry12

My husband and I have been attending a support group that that meets once a month for a bout 5 months.  The first meeting was very difficult; it was hard to see the faces of several other coupes that have suffered a loss, and also hard because the group is open to families who have suffered a loss at any stage during pregnancy.  It was a small group, and there were two other woman there who had very early losses, like 5 weeks early.  And although I personally know the pain of a miscarriage, after losing my daughter I did not find comfort in sharing my story with someone who had a miscarriage at 5 weeks.  It's just not the same.  

I continued to go to the meetings and it has just been DH and I and one other couple who had a stillbirth.  It has been so helpful to connect with others IRL who have gone through this, because only they can truly understand like no one else can.  

As for the format of the group, well, there really is no format.  You can talk, or you can listen.  There is no is no set topic.  But, I think having a topic might be a little better, so we are not all over the place talking about everything.  

 

Heatherhah

I go to two support groups and I find that these ladies all get me in ways not even my hubby gets. I love my loss ladies they truly understand my pain and how everyday is a challenge. I think you should go to a support group they really do help. Also I saw a grief counselor fro 10 months after ny loss and she was amazing. All of the resourses you can get you should use they truly heloed me. I mean I still hurt everyday but it helps to know others get me.

Good luck!!

Heather