New...ish.
NativeFloridian
member
Hi all. Just thought I'd introduce myself since things have officially gone south with BD and I. I've been down the single parenting road before, with my first daughter, but never really thought until quite recently that I'd be going it alone again with her two younger siblings.
To make a long story short, DD2 and my unborns' BD started showing his true colors right around a year ago, it became clear we were too different and moving in different directions, and our relationship went on a steady decline. Our most recent and biggest argument was over DD1's schooling. I wanted her to go to a good school in a good district and enrolled her in a school near my parents' home. My ex expressed that where a child goes to school doesn't matter as long as they have good parents, and insisted I withdraw her from her better school and place her in a really terrible school closer to us. Refusal to do so, he insisted, would destroy our family. I refused. This and other conflicts ultimately resulted in my living with my parents. I still wanted to work it out, so I suggested we both do counseling, which he agreed to, and he suggested I stay with my parents for a while, the better for DD1 to be close to her good school, and we could rekindle our fire by "dating" again. That didn't last long.
A short while later BD announced that he had no intention of making any compromises with me regarding our relationship, DD1's school, etc. Everything we'd agreed on was out the window. He described a rather he-man "ideal" situation to which he felt I should agree and return which included my submitting to his leadership, enrolling my eldest in the lesser school and giving up pretty much every notion that held any importance to me (essentially giving up my autonomy). He accused me of having a selfish agenda, my parents of having an agenda against him, and began throwing around insults. So, I refused to return to the relationship and he has now started the typical (in my experience) male reaction of more insult vomiting, below-the-belt comments, and telling me about how visitations and support are going to go according to him.
I was a SAHM when the crud hit the fan, so I'm trying to see what work I can find. I don't have a degree - that I'll start working on as soon as I'm settled and able - so truly gainful employment is hard to come by. I've got two kids and one on the way, so the cost of childcare outweighs the income I'd be making most places and I'm trying to figure out what kind of work I can to do sort of get around that.
DD1 is 5, DD2 is 1, and I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my third. DD2 and LO3 are from the same dad, DD1 is from a previous relationship.
We currently have no legal custody agreement or child support order. We never married and we live in Florida. Florida law makes me sole legal guardian of DD2 until the time that we have a court-ordered custody agreement. Because, however, his name is on the birth certificate he can choose not to give her back once she's in his care and the law would do nothing to help me until a court-ordered custody arrangement is in place. Since BD has a vindictive streak, a habit of going back on his word and being generally ugly when he dislikes a person, I'm allowing him to visit with her on my watch but not allowing him to take her alone, just in case he gets any ideas about taking her. Now it's just a matter of who starts court proceedings first, and, frankly, I'll be happy when it's settled in court because at least then I don't have to fear him running off with her. And who knows what kind of conflict will arise as LO3's due date nears.
So that is where we stand. Sorry it was all over the place, just trying to cram a novel into a page. Hope I can join the club.
// I love you too. //
Re: New...ish.