feeling badly about slow development

vsalt31

So, I know that I shouldn't compare DS to anyone else and that he'll catch up eventually, but it's a bit sad when I see babies 2-3 months younger than him already crawling, teething, etc.  How do you see past this comparison? 

CTbride79

I know how you feel! 

Gavin will be 9 months on Wednesday (7 months adjusted today), and he is not sitting up on his own yet and is not crawling in the traditional sense (he can kinda push himself around on his arms), although in the past week he has started getting up on all fours and bouncing, so I think maybe he's close!

But, our friends' DD who is 7 months (born full term - they were due 2 weeks before us) has been sitting up and crawling for a few weeks already.  And I went to a play group last week where a 5 month old was sitting up on his own! 

I figure he will do things when he's ready, and I know that technically for his adjusted age he's not behind, he's just not ahead at this stage.  But it's so hard not to compare, so know you're not alone! 

vsalt31

Thanks Ladies!  I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone. 

And, CTbride, can you believe how big our LOs are getting??? They'll be a year in less than 3 months!  How is Gavin doing?  His pic is simply adorable!

CTbride79

vsalt31:

Thanks Ladies!  I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone. 

And, CTbride, can you believe how big our LOs are getting??? They'll be a year in less than 3 months!  How is Gavin doing?  His pic is simply adorable!

I cannot believe he will be 9 months already...his last month in the single digits!  It's gone so quick!  I am starting to think about his bday party already!  What about you? 

He is doing good!  He is babbling more and more...saying 'dadada' a lot!  He's only said mama a few times, and we swear he said 'dog' the other day when playing with our dog!  He has 2 teeth, and I think maybe a third one coming in.  He's about 14.5 lbs. now, so he's still a peanut but definitely gaining which is great.  He just went through his first cold last week (long week!), but is all better now :-)  How is Henry doing? 

CTbride79

CurlingRocks:

CTbride79:

I, Curling Rocks deleted the quote because I just wanted your attention to completely go off topic...

^ LOL 

Your little fella looks like a model in his 8 mo. photo!  I love that face!  Keep posting those monthly pics

Thank you!  He does have a very expressive face :-)  I've been meaning to change my siggy pic to one of his Halloween ones since he looked so cute!  I can't believe his 9 month pics are just 4 days away...seems like I just took his 8 month shots!

KatFCo

It is hard. DD was a micro preemie and at every neonatal visit they assessed her and told us how she was doing for her actual age and her adjusted age. For several areas she was behind even in her adjusted age, to the point where she qualified for speech and OT therapy for a while.

One thing that helped was the reminder that all kids do things on their own time--and preemies certainly do. They come in their own time and develop in their own time. If you're really concerned, talk to the pedi or neonatalogist about getting an evaluation. Preemies often qualify for special services.

To ease your mind: DD is now 5 and in kindergarten. She's ahead in many areas and no one could ever look at her and know she was a preemie. It all works out in the end.

st.augbride

All you can really do is focus on the progress LO is making and know that things will get easier over time. For us, it really did just take time. I didn't care that it took ds longer to do things, but I needed to know for sure that he would get there. Now at almost 22 months old, I feel like I know much better about what our real issues are and are not, so having fewer unknowns helps.

DrRx

One thing that I did was just read about the order of milestones as opposed to WHEN they were supposed to do them.  We do have EI once a week and I know that it helps.

If someone does try to compare and share what they're kid is doing better than mine I say "Oh, good for you! That's great!" and just redirect the conversation and have them talk about themselves (which is what they obviously want to do.) I don't let it bother me because that parent has NO idea what we went through.  For me, I'm ecstatic that she is able to breathe on her own without oxygen. I'm happy that we don't have to use the apnea monitor overnight anymore! Any little milestone that she achieves is that much sweeter because it wasn't a given that she would get there.  With a lot of support (both IRL and from you ladies as well!) and positive thoughts and energy, and Adalyn's innate feistiness (which I'm going to go ahead and claim she inherited from me) DH and I are in tune with every bit of progress that she makes every day. 

If anything, it just makes my daughter's accomplishments that much more meaningful and awesome.  It doesn't make me feel sad, it makes me feel proud that despite the rough start, she is eventually doing what others do without starting from so behind.

vsalt31

Thanks again, ladies, for the support.  I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one occasionally feeling this way.  We are just so fortunate that he is healthy & happy & I need to always remind myself of this. 

jcsntms06

I still have problems not comparing my girls. I use to compare A to her peers and now I compare C to A's development three years ago. I keep telling myself that she will get there and they will both being doing things at their own pace.