Caregiver who practices attachment parenting....Parents who are unsure

mrsweeber

We are due with our first little one in March and are strongly considering an inhome daycare. The caregiver let me know that practices (forgive me if that is not the correct term) attachment parenting with her own children and in some forms with the daycare children (childwearing during infancy including during nap time). We would be in a unique situation as the other children in the daycare are all over 3 years old, so our LO would be the sole infant. My only concern that I am bringing here today for your advice/expertise is: will my infant be confused if he is receiving attachment parenting care from his daycare provider, but not all of the time with his parents? I am all for holding him, but I also would like him to spend time sitting, in a swing, bouncy seat, etc. The other thing-and the majority of my worry-is, will he bond more deeply with his babysitter than us?

Maybe I am just overthinking the entire thing, but I would really welcome your thoughts and insight!

KelliLynee

If my sitter told me she practiced attachment parenting, without further explanation, I would take it to mean among other things that she attends to the child when needed, even if the need is just to be held. I would assume there are lots of cuddles, closeness, etc., and that the child isn't forced into routines, scheduling, etc. meaning they will be fed when hungry and given naps when sleepy, as opposed to a set schedule. It doesn't mean she won't ever put baby down, in a swing or crib. She's still balancing other kids with other responsibilities, after all.

These are all good things, IMO, and I think you will find that your LO develops trust and comfort in your sitter. No one will ever take the place of mommy and daddy. I'm sure you will hold, carry, cuddle and respond to your baby's needs in a way that develops amazing amounts of trust, comfort love as well.

neverblushed

As PP said, you don't have to worry about your baby bonding more with the babysitter than with you. You'll always be #1 to your child!

I think attachment parenting means different things to different people.  For some people, the most important component is baby-wearing and physical closeness.  Others focus on co-sleeping and baby-led nursing is the most critical aspect of their parenting choice.  Still others put an emphasis on not following a rigid schedule.  Some define AP by the things they would NOT do, such as let their LO "cry it out" to go to sleep. 

I think you need to ask your prospective babysitter to clarify what her "attachment parenting" philosophy means in terms of day to day realities.  Will she feed your baby on a strict schedule of ounces and hours, or will she feed on demand?  Will she put baby down for naps on a schedule, or allow the baby to follow its own sleep needs on any given day? 

If you feel very comfortable with timetables and schedules, and your babysitter's version of AP means letting baby take the lead on when to eat and sleep, then you're going to run into trouble.  If, on the other hand, she means that she'll put your baby in a carrier and hold the baby a lot, but basically do naps and feedings at more or less the same time every day, you're probably fine.

penguinem

As far as baby expecting to be held, I don't think that will matter. I have two that we did the same things with and each expected very different things. DS expected/ needed to be held nonstop from day one, and all those great baby products we could use with DD finally got put in storage. Your baby will ultimately dictate what you do, and I would chose a caregiver who is interested in responding to your baby's unique temperment too. Lots of infants won't nap at all unless they are held or in a carrier, and coming home to an overtired baby is awful. As far as bonding, don't worry... You're mommy! I would go with your gut about provider and make the decision based on knowing your LO will get good all around care. It's hard to plan for exact routine bc you don't know what baby will bring to the table.

ITGurl0626

I would be thrilled if I found a DCP that practices attachment parenting.  At least I know that my baby will be given lots of physical contact & my baby will not be crying it out.  Many people have a misconception about babies getting "spoiled" if you hold them too much.  Ask your pediatrician, they are going to tell you that it is nearly impossible to "spoil a baby".  I never put her on a schedule, I simply followed her cues and it worked marvelously for us.

My baby is now 19 months old.  She has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old, she knows who her mommy & daddy are.  No one can take the bond between you & your child.