Attachment Parenting

Fussing vs. crying

DD is a little over 4 months and we have had some sleeping issues (like everyone). We co-sleep and I EBF and nursed her to sleep but she has such a strong association that it was causing her to wake prematurely from naps and at night. I was so anti-cio, but I thought that I would let her fuss (complain, whine, fidget) for a bit and see if she would go to sleep because I never gave her a chance before. Well, after two days, she has started putting herself to sleep! We do our naptime routine as usual which ends with a nursing session. Instead of letting her fall asleep at the breast, I started putting her in drowsy but awake and then watching her on the monitor. She would talk to herself and then start a grumble/complain, then back to talking and squalking, then maybe a little more complaining. It never got to a "I'm scared or lonely" cry. She does this for maybe 10-15 minutes and then falls asleep!

I am wondering if this is considered CIO? I really hope not. DH and I talked about this and we both agree that if she were to cry, like a cry that she needed me I'd be there in a heartbeat. But, I'm really paying attention to her cries when I do this and she sounds to me more like she is complaining that I am putting her down and then she's like "hey, my voice sounds cool. I'm gonna talk to myself....UGH! Mom! I don't want to sleep!...hey, I sound great!....Mom!" I don't know why I feel a tinge of guilt. Maybe because I have conditioned myself to answer her every noise? I do not want to create trust issues (what I've read from anti-CIO research) but I also feel like she is okay to complain a bit. Any thoughts?

Re: Fussing vs. crying

  • I wouldn't consider that CIO ;)  It's also worth knowing (which you may already) that you are likely in the 4 month wakeful - so it's not so much the nursing that's making her wake more.
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  • I Absolutely don't think thats CIO. If, with either of my babies, I layed them down and left they would sit up if they could, scream at the top of their lungs, and flip. out. , not fuss and play and drift happily to sleep. We have never let our current baby CIO and only let DD a couple of times at like 18 months when she refused to go to sleep after 90 minutes of attempting everything. You and your LO must be what the books mean when they talk about drowsy but awake... I've never seen that, lol!! Sounds like you are teaching the invaluable skill of self soothing and if your LO ever feels lonely or scared you'll be there..... Best of both worlds!
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  • I wouldn't consider it CIO. I do a bit of letting my DD "fuss it out" as well. as much as I don't think you have to teach self soothing skills at this age, I do see some value in letting babies work out some minor frustrations that way. It's when it's full on crying that I intervene.
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  • We let DD fuss for a few minutes. She usually fusses a little and goes right back to sleep. If not, then she escalates into crying and we go rock her. There is no doubt about the difference in the two. I am not comfortable with CIO but fussing is not the same IMO.
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  • Just wanted to agree with everyone else. Fussing and general movement doesn't bother me; I'll keep an ear on DS because if it turns into crying, I'll see what he wants. But sometimes he just wants to fuss for a little bit before passing gas or falling asleep or whatever, and I'm sure he is not getting trust issues because I don't help him with every gas bubble. :)
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