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Attachment Parenting
What's the AP solution to this? [Super long]
I apologize off the bat that this is similar to a sleep question below, but the details are significantly different. I'm also wondering how to reconcile AP with LO's sleep. FWIW, I have been staunchly against CIO and still am, but I am really starting to doubt whether it might be the gentler option.
My kid wakes up 15-20 times a night. Every night.
My LO never STTN (>5 hours) except for about a week in her 3rd month, because she was hungry. I would nurse her back to sleep, no big deal. I did work hard to break the nursing to sleep association for naps and bed time, though, which was pretty easy and tear free. I would rock her till drowsy, sometimes even put her down awake with no tears. She was typically up 4 - 5 times a night. I see some moms complain about their LOs waking that often but to me that's a dream.
We hit 4 months and everything changed. She got overtired and it was a nightmare. Now, I've sorted out her naps and night time and I'm positive she gets enough sleep for her age (between 15 - 161/2 hours). Her naps are consolidated and she finally doesn't eat as much as night, usually only once. But, the only way she sleeps is with a pacifier (she used to refuse one, preferring her hands) and swaddled (also something she never liked before). If I use these two things, she goes down awake no problem. But the paci pops out and she wakes up screaming. If I unswaddle her, she pulls the paci out, then screams hysterically. I'm up every 10 - 45 minutes all night long and I'm getting desperate because it's starting to feel unsafe getting less than 2 hours of broken sleep a night.
The problem, in addition to lack of sleep is that she is on the verge of rolling over and doesn't fit her sleep sacks anymore because she's too long. I need to get her unswaddled for safety.
Things I've tried that do not work:
-Nursing to sleep (she won't eat if not hungry)
-Rocking to sleep (cries hysterically now whether she has the paci or not)
-Stroller rides (it's winter here though, and I worry about being tired walking with her on slippery hills)
-Car ride
-Baby wearing for naps
-Co-sleeping (she doesn't sleep and I don't either. I'm also worried about exhaustion and safety)
-White noise, shushing, PU/PD, comforts of various sorts.
For all of these options, she just screams hysterically. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't just be letting her cry in the crib if my comforting doesn't work anyway.
Right now, I'm trying Pantley's gentle removal of the paci just as she falls asleep but usually she just screams and it takes forever for her to nap and restarts the overtired cycle. I also sit next to her crib (in our room) and hold the paci in so she can get some sleep but even that's a problem because she gets distracted by me and I get no sleep
So, what is the AP way to deal with this? She a super-easy baby in every other way, but I don't know how to keep meeting her needs when I'm this tired. FYI, I have no friends or family to help where I live, DH is travelling for work most of this month but helps where he can.
TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What's the AP solution to this? [Super long]
I'm definitely contemplating it, but will it keep her from pulling the paci out of her mouth? That's the only reason I swaddle right now.
At this point I'm will to try anything and spend any amount of money...
How old is she? Have you ruled out medical issues (ear infection, asthma, allergies, food sensitivities)?
Maybe it's better just to pull the plug on the pacifier and the swaddle all together? You may get a few nights of crappy sleep in a row, but it seems like that is happening anyways?
Re: the sleep suit - we use it, but it was no magic bullet for us. My guy still wakes up a lot at night. But it does seem to settle him. He can reach his face with his hands, though.
Either way, just wanted to say you are doing a great job as a mom.
Thanks everyone.
She's 4.5 months. Just had a doctor's visit, which ruled out medical issues.
I'll keep swaddling and paci for now since she wakes up well rested when I do that. The challenge is the safety issues when I'm not at all rested. I can function on 3-4 hours of sleep. But any less than that over a prolonged period is tough.
Be sure to take care of yourself. AP does not mean putting your basic needs aside so your baby can sleep.
My LO would not sleep on her back. She started sleeping so much better when we put her on her belly. LO does not have any other SIDS risk factors and she slept beside me in her side-carred crib until she was 1, so we felt comfortable with this choice.
Also, I BF and LO has a dairy intollerance. Frequent waking was one of the biggest clues that I'd had too much dairy. Cutting out dairy helped things SO much.
Did your LO have other symptoms? I hadn't considered a food issue. My LO has very, very mild excema, almost no diaper rash, and healthy bms. She's also a super low-key, happy girl when she's awake. She is very gassy though, but I kind of assumed all babies were.
I'm not sure how old your LO is but they're older than 4 months.
1) What is your bedtime routine like? Is it consistent? Is there enough wind down time?
2) Personally, if your child is older than 6 months (this exact thing happened with us when DS1 was 10 months) CIO is not the worst thing. I'm not pro CIO but I'm pro listening to my child. My kid was screaming and fighting me in my arms for up to an hour to go to sleep. Everything was a disaster. If we read a book and then he went in the crib he was screaming.
So I very closely started listening to his cues. What things made him relax, what made him start getting agitated? First, our bedtime routine was too long. He was getting way to overtired and then pushing through and waking back up by the end of it. For us it was bath, bottle, book, bed. However, by the time we gave him a nice long bath and got him dressed, then a warm bottle, then read a book ,etc it was too much for him. So for nights when we did baths we started early and he had some quiet play time between bath and bottle. We started bedtime routine with bottle after that.
Also, there seemed to be a certain amount of rocking he liked. He would initially snuggle then start fighting. As soon as he started fighting (before the screaming ensued) I would put him in his crib. If he started screaming I would give him a few minutes. If after 1-2 minutes he was still screaming or if within that time he was getting even more worked in I went in. I would pick him up and rock till he fought me. I wan't to help him associate that he picked the actions. He could rock with me if he snuggled. As soon as he started fighting he went in the crib. 3 nights later, we rocked and snuggled for a few minutes. He squirmed, I put him in his crib. He rolled over and fell asleep.
I realized that my comforting techniques were keeping him awake. He needed to cry for a minute to get our the days energy and there I was patting, shushing rocking and delaying what he needed. 1.5 yrs later and he goes to sleep without a peep and STTN still. I have NEVER had to "reteach" DS1 to sleep. Ferber mentions in his book that you have to often re-CIO after illnesses, teething or growh spurts. Personally, I think that happens most often if the child isn't ready for it and it's forced on them. DS1 was ready for what we did and he proved it. Even after he gets sick (and he snuggles and cuddles and falls asleep on me) as soon as he feels better he wants to go to sleep in his crib.
Onto the paci and the swaddle...He was also swaddled until 10 months old. Can your LO get the paci back in their own mouth? can you put a bunch in the crib around them? Have you tried removing the paci once your LO is sound asleep so they can't wake up accidentally?
I really would try cutting dairy if I were you (and it takes about 3 weeks to see a complete difference). I did that and my DD's sleep improved dramatically. She also had "mild exema" that was in fact a rash caused by dairy. You would probably want to initially cut out soy too and then try adding it back in. My dd is not allergic to soy, so I was able to add it back in.
The sleep suit helped us a ton too. DD wakes about half as often in the sleepsuit as she did out of it.
Good luck, you are a saint for doing what you're doing so far. I would be losing it.
Thanks, ladies. I thought I had tried everything but you've given me a few more ideas. I'm going to try cutting dairy and soy, and moving her bedtime earlier. If that fails, I'll try the sleep sack. LO's not even 5 months yet, so CIO doesn't feel right but I may try letting her fuss a little longer before I intervene, too.
Thanks!
More Green For Less Green
that's what I assumed at first but it's been going on nearly a month now and only getting worse. From my logs, she was getting enough napIs and night sleep, and still eating like a champ all day. It just feels so extreme.
The 4 month wakeful definitely lasted a full month for my DD. It. Was. Awful. We also broke her habit of sleeping in her swing AND the swaddle. I figured since I wasn't sleeping anyway, that I should break the other associations. The only way we got through it was bedsharing. If that doesn't work for you, no other advice except to keep pushing through it. I thought a month was pretty extreme but that's how long it took for us. Good luck!