Any advice you can give!

BabyShelnutt

When I first got pregnant, I knew I would LOVE to do a natural/water birth but KNEW I was not cut out for it. I am really... a pansy. Honestly. Not good with pain. And I have a very small frame, so I was nervous that I'd go through contractions and try labor only to have to have a c-section. However, over the last couple weeks, I have really been digesting the thought of natural birth. I am a very natural, green, tree-hugging person who HATES prescription drugs and alot of medical crap so getting the epidural goes against pretty much everything I believe... BUT I am scared TO DEATH of the pain. I need some reassurance. I know it's going to hurt like nothing else, BUT... I just need some ladies who have been through it to tell me that it will be okay and tell me flat out how it is. Part of the worry, I think, comes from not knowing how it will be (since this is my first). Any tips on making labor easier or not tearing, etc will be great too! THANKS, LADIES!!

Temp76535187505890

My advice would be to research coping techniques and positions.  Those will be greatly beneficial to you as you work through the contractions.  Your partner also needs to be well versed so s/he can suggest things to try as your focus will be elsewhere when the time comes. 

And don't fight the contractions, it only makes it worse.  Try to relax into them as much as you can which is where your coping techniques will come into play.  

Good luck!

blueeyedgirl27

ArmyQM:

My advice would be to research coping techniques and positions.  Those will be greatly beneficial to you as you work through the contractions.  Your partner also needs to be well versed so s/he can suggest things to try as your focus will be elsewhere when the time comes. 

And don't fight the contractions, it only makes it worse.  Try to relax into them as much as you can which is where your coping techniques will come into play.  

Good luck!

Couldn't have said it better myself. Also I recommend hiring a doula if you can afford one. I wish I had one last time! I'm delivering at a BC with a MW so I hired a doula to help me with coping techniques and to help coach my hubby who felt helpless last time. And I can't wait to use the tub! A strong support system is helpful also! Everyone handles labor differently so educate yourself as much as you can and maybe take a childbirth class if you haven't already done so.

vintagejjane

I have a really low pain tolerance too, but my desire to have a med free homebirth was too strong. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to research as much as you can. Read, watch videos, talk to midwives or others who have had NB

littlelyralover

I'm in the same boat. I'm not even worried about the contractions.... it's the actual coming out of the vagina that scares me. Everything I read is about dealing with contractions, but what if you do all that fine, then it's time to push and suddenly you can't handle the stretching? That's what I'm freaking out about, but I'm also scared of anesthetics due to a prior bad reaction... all I keep saying is that I have time to figure it out....

annabelle.27

I was like you. I read the Dr Sears book on birth... The Birth Book? I forget what it's called. I found it very informative and it made me analyze what I wanted.

Labour sucks. I'm not going to sugarcoat it: it's not fun. But you can get through it, and it will end. And, in all honesty, if you can maintain the right mindset in labour and kind of "go within" yourself (which was actually easier than I thought it would be- as long as you are well-supported and relaxed you can kind of go with your body), the pain is different than other kinds of pain. "Pain with a purpose" is how I've heard it describe, and it's true. When you feel that it is something YOU are doing, it's different than something that is done TO you, which is what most pain is like.

With my first labour, I went natural for the whole thing, although it ended up in c-section after three hours of pushing. I was handling it well emotionally more or less the whole time- until the decision was made to have a c-section. The time between making that decision and getting the epidural in the OR was horrendous. As soon as I knew that the contractions were pointless, that they weren't doing anything to bring me my baby, they were awful. The only thing that changed from one contraction to the next was my mindset when I knew the c-section was coming. I was no longer doing this- the contractions were just something that wouldn't stop, that kept coming, that was happening to me. And the pain intensified, or at least, my perception of it did. This really showed me that when you feel in control, or when you can think of labour as something you are doing and listen to your body, it is doable.

Also, read up about the "emotional signposts" of labour. The worst part is generally the part just before pushing. Many women aren't aware of this and think that they can't continue, but once you get there you are almost done and if you know that, you might find the strength to continue on naturally.

You can do it. Women have been having babies naturally for millenia.

As for tearing- a waterbirth is said to help (I had one with my second and didn't tear). Also, my midwife believed that inserting evening primrose oil capsules vaginally starting at about 37 weeks helps to prevent tearing too (although she acknowledged this wasn't proven, but just something she noticed in her practice. This is something that is recommended to help soften the cervix in preparation for labour, but she believed it to do both). I figured it was worth a shot, and maybe it worked.

Good luck!

mystrana

My advice is that it really is a different kind of pain than, say, breaking your leg or burning your hand. Finding the coping techniques that work best for you will make dealing with labor and delivery as easy as possible for you.

sschwege

ArmyQM:

My advice would be to research coping techniques and positions.  Those will be greatly beneficial to you as you work through the contractions.  Your partner also needs to be well versed so s/he can suggest things to try as your focus will be elsewhere when the time comes. 

And don't fight the contractions, it only makes it worse.  Try to relax into them as much as you can which is where your coping techniques will come into play.  

Good luck!

Well said!

Also keep in mind that the contractions will end and you will get a break.  Try to take it one contraction at a time and not worry about the next one until it comes.  You should feel pretty good between contractions, so just rest until the next wave comes. 

BabyShelnutt

annabelle.27:

I was like you. I read the Dr Sears book on birth... The Birth Book? I forget what it's called. I found it very informative and it made me analyze what I wanted.

Labour sucks. I'm not going to sugarcoat it: it's not fun. But you can get through it, and it will end. And, in all honesty, if you can maintain the right mindset in labour and kind of "go within" yourself (which was actually easier than I thought it would be- as long as you are well-supported and relaxed you can kind of go with your body), the pain is different than other kinds of pain. "Pain with a purpose" is how I've heard it describe, and it's true. When you feel that it is something YOU are doing, it's different than something that is done TO you, which is what most pain is like.

With my first labour, I went natural for the whole thing, although it ended up in c-section after three hours of pushing. I was handling it well emotionally more or less the whole time- until the decision was made to have a c-section. The time between making that decision and getting the epidural in the OR was horrendous. As soon as I knew that the contractions were pointless, that they weren't doing anything to bring me my baby, they were awful. The only thing that changed from one contraction to the next was my mindset when I knew the c-section was coming. I was no longer doing this- the contractions were just something that wouldn't stop, that kept coming, that was happening to me. And the pain intensified, or at least, my perception of it did. This really showed me that when you feel in control, or when you can think of labour as something you are doing and listen to your body, it is doable.

Also, read up about the "emotional signposts" of labour. The worst part is generally the part just before pushing. Many women aren't aware of this and think that they can't continue, but once you get there you are almost done and if you know that, you might find the strength to continue on naturally.

You can do it. Women have been having babies naturally for millenia.

As for tearing- a waterbirth is said to help (I had one with my second and didn't tear). Also, my midwife believed that inserting evening primrose oil capsules vaginally starting at about 37 weeks helps to prevent tearing too (although she acknowledged this wasn't proven, but just something she noticed in her practice. This is something that is recommended to help soften the cervix in preparation for labour, but she believed it to do both). I figured it was worth a shot, and maybe it worked.

Good luck!

 

Thank you for your whole post! I was going to edit to reply to exactly which quote you wrote that I was thankful for but ALL THE ABOVE. I guess I never thought about the whole pain with a purpose thing... and how it's my body naturally doing it. I just keep telling myself: both of my grandmothers did this 7+ times without pain medication and they made it through just fine! Thanks for your comment!

And thanks to all you other ladies! You have helped ease my mind a tad. At least I have a few more months to prepare for this... mentally, emotionally, and, however I can, physically. 

abell77

Knowledge is power.  Do as much as you can between now and then to educate yourself on the birthing process and relaxation techniques.  I would recommend Natural Birth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon.  If you are able to take a Bradley class I would recommend that as well.  I know there are other methods out there that women like, but I am only familiar with Bradley and it's worked for us, twice!

Really understanding labor and what your body goes through during the birthing process really helped to take a lot of the fear out of it for me.  A PP mentioned the idea of pain with a purpose, and this is exactly right.  When the contractions come, it was really helpful for me to be mindful of the fact that my body was designed to do this, so while it may be extremely uncomfortable, that I was not in any danger, and that each contraction was bringing me closer to meeting my baby.

When it comes to pushing the baby out, I actually thought that part was easier than contractions, maybe not so much with my first but definitely with my second.  I had a second degree tear with each of my births, and I can honestly say I was not aware of it as it was happening.  I had to ask the midwife, "Did I tear at all?"  Getting stitched up wasn't fun, but all in all my recovery wasn't that bad either.

I don't buy the notion that you can't birth vaginally and pain med free just because you have a small frame.  Plenty of tiny women give birth to big babies, so try not to psych yourself out with that idea.

You can do it!  Good Luck. 

BabyShelnutt

abell77:

Plenty of tiny women give birth to big babies, so try not to psych yourself out with that idea. 

 

This is true! I just think back to my cousin, who is tiny as well and she tore really badly-- the doctor said it was one of the worst he had seen. Ever since hearing that... I can't get the thought of tearing out of my head. But then again, like you said, with all the pain that you are feeling, I'm assuming the tearing just gets lost in the whole cluster of pains. 

Temp76535187505890

BabyShelnutt:

abell77:

Plenty of tiny women give birth to big babies, so try not to psych yourself out with that idea. 

 

This is true! I just think back to my cousin, who is tiny as well and she tore really badly-- the doctor said it was one of the worst he had seen. Ever since hearing that... I can't get the thought of tearing out of my head. But then again, like you said, with all the pain that you are feeling, I'm assuming the tearing just gets lost in the whole cluster of pains. 

but there are so many other factors beyond being small of stature. Was the baby optimally positioned, what position was she pushing, how fast did she push out the baby, did her doctor do perineal massage, was she "purple pushing"......and on and on. There's just too many factors that come into play to even think her birth would be anything like yours. 

BabyShelnutt

ArmyQM:

BabyShelnutt:

abell77:

Plenty of tiny women give birth to big babies, so try not to psych yourself out with that idea. 

 

This is true! I just think back to my cousin, who is tiny as well and she tore really badly-- the doctor said it was one of the worst he had seen. Ever since hearing that... I can't get the thought of tearing out of my head. But then again, like you said, with all the pain that you are feeling, I'm assuming the tearing just gets lost in the whole cluster of pains. 

but there are so many other factors beyond being small of stature. Was the baby optimally positioned, what position was she pushing, how fast did she push out the baby, did her doctor do perineal massage, was she "purple pushing"......and on and on. There's just too many factors that come into play to even think her birth would be anything like yours. 

 

I know none of these answers! I know there wasn't much labor preparation for her... I know she got the epidural and was induced, yada yada... typical "hurry up" hospital birth. 

Temp76535187505890

If it helps ease your mind at all, I got a 2nd degree tear with my first but not really at all with my second. The difference? My first I had an epidural and pushed with all my might because I had none of the biofeedback telling me to ease into it. Don't get hung up on that aspect of the birth. If you read back a few pages of posts you'll see a few posts about tearing and how it's really not a big deal.

brennarobbie

mystrana:

My advice is that it really is a different kind of pain than, say, breaking your leg or burning your hand. Finding the coping techniques that work best for you will make dealing with labor and delivery as easy as possible for you.

This is my advice too - it's a completely different kind of "pain." If you do it intervention free, your body automatically adjusts and gives you time to get used to what's happening. Having a doula will help tremendously, and she can talk with you before the birth about any of your fears or concerns. The more you can let go of things that scare you (ie: thinking about the pain that's coming), the more you can relax and open up for your baby.

I also talked a lot to my little man about what to expect and what was going to happen. It actually helped me to relax about things during pregnancy. I would say to him "you're going to get squeezed and cramped in there when it's time to come out, but just come on out! Don't be afraid." ) And when I was pushing him out, all I said was "come on, baby!"

suad1987

im also really small and ya i tore but not terribly 

im 5'1 and abt 100 lbs and had a 9 lbs baby

size of the mother does not determine the size of pelvis  or if you can birth a big baby or now

bekkabrat

brennarobbie:

I also talked a lot to my little man about what to expect and what was going to happen. It actually helped me to relax about things during pregnancy. I would say to him "you're going to get squeezed and cramped in there when it's time to come out, but just come on out! Don't be afraid." ) And when I was pushing him out, all I said was "come on, baby!"

 

I love this idea!

Like several mentioned above, I think the mindset makes all the difference. Even just saying to yourself, "That was a really GOOD one" instead of "bad" one after a very intense contraction helps you focus on the fact that your contractions are helping you and the more intense they are, the more work they are doing, and the sooner they will bring you your baby! 

 Good luck! 

JuneBug86

What got me through the pain was thinking about how it was "good" pain (not pain because something was wrong), and that pain was suppose to happen. A lot of the time when I'm in pain I panic because I feel like something is wrong which makes it worse. I just kept telling myself that it was normal, and it was suppose to happen. Of course, that doesn't make the pain go away, but it help me get through it. Also, just take one contraction at a time. Don't think about "OMG, I'm going to be in the pain forever..." It will end, just take it one minute at a time.

star173

I'm a wuss too, and I had 2 unmedicated births. I would say look into hypnobabies/hypnobirthing. The hypnobabies CDs were priceless. The difference between the labor with it and without was huge.

However, even if it's painful, its more like an athletes pain during a marathon- one with a purpose and prize at the end; it's not like getting punched in the face kind of pain.

Best of luck to you!!

Mrs E in Oregon

Of course you're afraid, that's all we hear about on TV and in the movies, "I hate you, I hate you, this is all your fault..." Right? We're told it's the punishment for Eve's original sin and all that.

If your muscles are not relaxed because you're scared, it will be more difficult and more likely to be painful. To help with pain you can have a tub set up and be as mobile during labor as you can. Keep moving until you find a comfortable spot to labor for a bit, then move again. As you do this your baby will move down and your cervix will open nicely. It won't be comfortable, but it isn't like on TV for most women anyway.

I suggest you watch Orgasmic Birth and read Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth ASAP. (You can watch it on their website for the documentary or stream with Netflix.) These women are not nobody special, but some of them are having a lot less pain than we're told we're supposed to have. Ina May never had an ecstatic labor, but she's assisted births that were and she talks about them in that book. Orgasmic Birth is a great movie that opens the door to talk about this phenomenon.

Celyn

IMO, all info is worthwhile, so educate yourself in your options for pain relief and mental preparedness.  

Don't worry a lot about your small frame.  I've seen really petite ladies handle 9lb babies just fine