Help me do the right thing- re nanny

jalaiaa

We have a nanny who has been working for us since the boys were a few months old (about 2.5 years). She only watches them about 15 hours a week or so. She is fine and our boys are fed, clothed and safe. But she doesn't really play or teach etc. She watches them play from a chair, talks on her phone etc. We have been looking for a new nanny who is more active with the boys but due to DH and my schedules we haven't been able to find someone who is flexible enough to cover all times of the day. I work some days and some nights and DH works 48 hour shifts so we need someone who is really available anytime. We have found another sitter who can work most times but we'd still need either our current nanny or someone else for the times when she can't work. We're at a loss as to how to deal with this situation. We have no contract with our current nanny and her hours always fluctuate month to month already. 

Do we tell her we're finding someone new but would like to still use her from time to time? (seems like the right thing to do but very awkward). Do we just gradually cut her hours and if she needs to find a new job she does? Do we stop using her altogether and try to find a couple other people to call if the new nanny isn't available?

I hate this. She is a nice person and I don't want to "fire" her, I just want someone better for my boys. I think she should be informed that she isn't going to be getting as many hours in case she needs to find another job, but I don't want to tell her why because if she does continue to work for us a little I don't want it to be awkward.

I should mention that I haven't given her concrete warnings like you need to play with the boys more or we'll stop using you. But I have several times asked that she do art projects or that she play based learning things with them but whenever I look in on our nanny cam (which she knows we have) she is on the sidelines or on her phone. She's just not a teacher/player etc. 

Thanks for any input and advice. DH and I really want to do the right thing but don't really know what that is.  

Meery82

Try talking to her again. Maybe she needs some ideas/more specific examples about what to do with the kids.

MammaBear81

After 2 1/2 years of being "on the sidelines" you are going to be very hard pressed to get her to change.  If you have any chance of changing, I would give her a schedule and provide her with supplies, (i.e. coloring in the morning, letters after lunch, and reading books in the afternoon), if that doesn't change her then I don't think anything will.

On a side note, have you considered and au pair?  up to 45 hours a week, and very flexible.  We have an them for years, and they are cheap (for our COL).  They are live in, and that doesn't work for some people, but with a changing schedule like yours it's something you might want to consider, if you can.

ETA: I know a schedule is part of her job as a nanny, but since she has never done one, and isn't going to, I figure you might be able to get a happy medium with this.

EastCoastBride

MammaBear81:

After 2 1/2 years of being "on the sidelines" you are going to be very hard pressed to get her to change. 

This is where I am.  She's worked for you for 2.5 years, she knows she's on video and she still just basically sits there and/or is on her phone, and this has been (in essence) o.k. with you.

I gotta tell you- even if the nanny wasn't "teaching" my kid anything, the fact that they sit there and don't really interact and are on their phone - um, that's not what I'm paying them for!  They don't need to be actively playing the entire 15 hours - but I'd expect more "on" time w/ my kids than "off" time.

I'm not sure why you've let this go on for so long, to be perfectly honest!  And also, she may know that w/ the hours and flexibility you need, you will be hard pressed to find someone who is AS available as she is - and as such, she slacks.

I almost want to say to just use those 15 hours she's there as your kids "free time" and just accept that she isn't going to be a teacher to them.  Then use the time that either you or your DH are with them as more structured "learning time".  I think to cut her hours and tell her you're bringing someone else in - there is a VERY good chance you're going to lose her all together.  If you really can't afford to lose her all together, you need to really weigh your pros and cons.