Help during Baby #2's first week home?

rachellaura86

Hi everyone! I am due in March and my little ones will be 21 months apart. When I brought my daughter home from the hospital, my in laws were very involved to the point where I felt like it was a bit suffocating. They were helpful and brought dinners to us every night, which I really appreciated. However, having them at our house every day for 10 days straight just felt too overwhelming to me. I didnt feel great during recovery, was emotional, and didnt feel like "entertaining" every day. Though they really did help- it still felt like entertaining to me and I just really had enough of their company.

I regretted not telling my husband to ask his family to give us some alone time. I vowed would not let this happen again the 2nd time around. Then........ I got pregnant a bit earlier than anticipated with baby #2.

So I dont know if it would be stupid of me to turn away help when we are home with 2. I guess my question is- did you really feel like you needed constant help in that first week when you are juggling 2 little ones? 

rnbeth477

My DS and DD are 21 months apart too. My stepmom stayed with us the week before DD arrived and for two weeks after. She was a life send in helping me care for DS. I was able to rest and focus on bf DD while she played with DS, fed him, baths, etc.

My DH only was able to take off work while we were in the hospital, so I really needed help. If your DH will be home, you may not need as much help as I did.

Also, if the help would have been my mil I probably would have gone insane. She is no help at all. When DS was born, she made things worse. Cried when he cried, stood around and stared at me, ate our food, etc. So, I'd understand if you said no help would be better than your mil...

twirlyjack73

heaven forbid you wind up with a C section you'll need them full time.  i'd treat the situation with kid gloves.

Lahardy96

My mom was at home with my son while I was in the hospital, and then she and my sister were there for my first four days home. I don't know what I would have done without them as my mom watched the baby while my son threw a welcome home tantrum, and they cooked and kept the house straight so I didn't have to think for four days. That being said, except for keeping my son occupied the first night, I don't think it would have been as comfortable/easy with my mil as she constantly would be asking what else she could do and I don't feel as comfortable being a mess around her. If you don't have other help, I'd probably take it, but limit the time she'll be there, and set. Up ground rules/plans for what you want her to do before the baby arrives.

rachellaura86

Thank you so much for your responses. Yes, they are very nice people and I do like my in laws. Having them here so often just really overwhelmed me when my daughter was born, as I am the type of person who needs my privacy. Looking back, I think part of the issue was that my husband and his family never asked me if I wanted them there every day for 10 days. I just never felt like I had any say, and they just kind of took over my house. I fully realize that my privacy will not be top priority when I have 2 little ones home for the first week, which was the reason for my post. So thank you for sharing your experiences!

weberm05

We never had any help with either child. They were 20 months apart.  No meals, no help with anything.  Kind of depressing!

 That's nice they want to help....but it can be done with no help either.  I wouldn't turn them away.....they prob just love their new grandchildren and care about you and your DH

kcisthebombdotcom

It might be harsh, but we didnt allow overnight visitors until the kids were well past a month old. DH and I handled it ourselves and I had 2 c-sections FWIW. We allowed people to come to the hospital then for our time at home we kept visitors to a minimum.

I don't see why you'd need extra help unless your DH is unable to take any time off of work. If not, I don't think it's inappropriate to say you want a few weeks to yourself to get in a good routine/get some good family bonding before accepting overnight visitors.

morgs8384

Mine are almost 13,5 months apart. DS stayed with my parents while I was in the hospital. When we came home it was really just DH and I with the two kids. My mom did come over daily to bring us dinner for the first two weeks, cooking was/ and still is the hardest thing to accomplish.

VABride2008

I think it depends a lot on your personality.  If you felt that way with #1, I would be willing to bet that you will feel that way again.  I am a very do it myself type of person and I needed time to get my hormones in check without someone constantly there.  My mom stayed with us the first night home with LO #2 and after that we were on our own with the exception of limited visitors.