DH Problem

pupluv0410

My husband helps as much as he can with our 8 week old son and with things around the house while I am taking care of the baby.  However, he has some problems calming him down.  He doesn't have the "mommy rock" like I do.  I tell him how I rock Ben and walk around with him, but most of the time its difficult for him to get our son to stop crying or calm down.  Has anyone else had this problem?  Any suggestions on how to help him comfort our son and get more connected with him would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks so much!

Bubbl3129

One thing my DH can do that I can't is the butt pat. Holding the baby like your giving him a bottle (I'm sure you can hold the baby in other positions, just as long as the head can jiggle), my husband just pats his butt while shushing him. I'm not sure why I can't do it, but I can't get the rhythm, nor apparently have the strength to do it as long as my hubby can! 

I will say this...you have to pat hard enough to jiggle the head, but obviously not hard enough to hurt him. I think that's why I'm not good at it! 

buffyverrban1

It's really normal for it to take longer for Daddies to bond with babies, and for them to figure out how to soothe them. 

My rule with my husband was, I will show you once how to do it, I will watch you do it once and correct you, and then it's up to you to ask.

The biggest problem we as momma's have, is to think that our way to do something is the only way. My DH soothes DD much differently than I do, but he can do it. We just need to give them time and back off.

My suggestion is to walk away. For 20 minutes or 30 minutes, whatever you can handle. Let him figure out his own way to do it, and the process of them learning together... That's what will create the bond.   

laurenhankey

The biggest lesson I learned was to let the hubbies do their own thing. They'll find their own way of calming LO down.  I was the same as you and wanted DH to do it my way.  I thought my was the the only way to get her to calm down.  Now 4 months later DH is better w/ her than me!!  He has his own special daddy touch.  Just give it time, it'll happen

Jams1002

My DH has patience issues. If something isn't working in 3 seconds, he tries something else. I try to remind him that he needs to try it a bit longer, otherwise he's just over stimulating DS.
My friend also said something to me that I like to repeat to myself sometimes: "he's not doing it the wrong way, just a different way"

rnbeth477

buffyverrban1:

It's really normal for it to take longer for Daddies to bond with babies, and for them to figure out how to soothe them.nbsp;My rule with my husband was, I will show you once how to do it, I will watch you do it once and correct you, and then it's up to you to ask. The biggest problem we as momma's have, is to think that our way to do something is the only way. My DH soothes DD much differently than I do, but he can do it. We just need to give them time and back off. My suggestion is to walk away. For 20 minutes or 30 minutes, whatever you can handle. Let him figure out his own way to do it, and the process of them learning together... That's what will create the bond. nbsp;nbsp;

This is great advice. My stepmom told me when I had DS that my DH won't always do things like I do, but that's not a bad thing. Your DH needs to figure out his own way to comfort his baby.

mrs.kapow

Buy him Happiest Babyon the Block, the DVD version. My H became the baby whisperer overnight with our first daughter. 

erin922

Let him figure out what works for him. Like pp said, it will help him create his own bond with the baby.  Your way is not the only way....I had a very hard time learning that when DD was a newborn! 

gingerfamily

Let him figure out his own wAy of soothing him. Your style works for you but there is more than one way to sooth a crying baby.

GreenMonkey1

I'm going to second letting your DH find his own way of calming your LO.  My DH swears by holding LO while bouncing on the exercise ball, claims this is the best way to calm DS.  I've tried it, doesn't work for me at all.  You can suggest different ways of calming your LO to DH, but in the end let him try to find his own "daddy rock".

Diane107

Like PPs said, he just needs to find his own thing.  It takes them a little longer but they'll figure it out.  It will probably be harder if he's just trying to do what you do...my H initially did this and he had a hard time too.  They just don't do it the same.  Once he finds something that works, and is confident about it, I think that helps too.

If you're looking for actual suggestions though, my H does this hum thing that DD loves!  He rests her on his shoulder/chest, sometimes bounces her a little bit or walks, and then hums a constant note.  I think she likes the deepness of his voice cause I once tried the same thing and it didn't work at all, haha.  Just a suggestion!