Late Term and Child Loss

An intro I've avoided writing

I've been pregnant 5 times. I have one living child. It is so unfair. 

My second son, Isaiah, was born on October 8, 2012. At our A/S, we found out that he had a condition called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome (the right side of his heart was underdeveloped & wouldn't be able to pump blood to his lungs). We had 20 weeks to prepare ourselves for the fact that he would have open heart surgery shortly after he was born. By the time he was born, we had accepted that we wouldn't get the "typical" newborn experience but as long as we could bring him home to make our family of 4 complete, it didn't matter.

 October 16 we prayed for steady hands of Isaiah's surgical team. A nurse came out every hour to give us updates, and everything had gone so smoothly that Isaiah was going to come out of surgery with his chest closed (before there had been some question of whether or not he would be too swollen to close). As the nurse was giving us the final update, Isaiah's blood pressure dropped. They gave him epinephrine to bring it back up, but decided to leave his chest open until they were sure he was stable. Because his chest was open, he was kept on bypass. 

Over the next three days, Isaiah got worse instead of better. We learned that his coronary arteries were about 1/10 of the size they should have been, making it incredibly difficult to get clean blood to his heart.

On October 19, the doctor's turned off the bypass machine. Isaiah fought for a few minutes with a steady heart beat & good blood pressure before his little heart couldn't take it anymore. His nurses cried with us.

I don't know where to go from here. I have an 18 month old son & a 4.5 year old step daughter who don't understand that Isaiah is gone. I've been forcing myself to keep moving because I still have to take care of my son. I feel so empty.  

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

I never held you, but I always loved you.
Baby Squirt- September 2009
Baby Turtle- May 2010
Baby Surprise- August 2011

Re: An intro I've avoided writing

  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your son, and for all of your losses. There are really no words that will help, just know that this board is filled with women who have all had a late loss. We are all so supportive, and sorry to welcome you here, but hope you find comfort on the board.

    Everything you are feeling is totally normal, and you will continue to battle these feelings for a long time to come. Here I am a month out from our loss and some days are better than others. I return to work on Monday and I am terrified. 

    Be gentle with yourself and your emotions during this difficult time.

    image Noah Michael, born sleeping 9/29/12 at 19w 3d. We love you forever Little Man! image
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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your lil boy Isaiah. ((hugs)) and more ((hugs))

    This board has been such a big help for me and I hope it is for you too. These ladies have been wonderful.  We are here for you anytime you need us.

    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here is so nice and comforting. I hope you can find some sort of peace here.
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your Isaiah. I hope you can find some comfort and support here.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • I am so sorry for your losses. You are right; it is so incredibly unfair that we have all experienced this. I don't have any magical words or advice to make you feel better. I just urge you to find ways to express your feelings so you can begin to heal. Like you, I still had to be a mom and wife after the loss of my son at 37 weeks. So I know how important it is to work through your emotions so you can keep your living family intact. This board has been amazing for me and provided support when I felt so alone. I hope it can do the same for you.
    Our little boy, born sleeping at 37 weeks. Always loved, always remembered. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Our sunshine on a cloudy day. Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • ***Siggy warning***

     

     

     

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Isaiah, and for your other losses.  You're right...it is unfair.  I hope that you'll find this board to be a source of comfort to you.  I'm sorry you're here, but welcome.

    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • ((Hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss of Isaiah.  I wish there were more words to say how sorry I am.  You have found a great place to come to for support & understanding.  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  We lost our son, Ethan, at 18w in June of this year.  I too have a son who just turned 2 and he is too little to really understand. We have tried to the best of our abilities to share with him that he has a little brother in heaven.  He knows Ethan's blanket, his sunset picture & his tree we have planted in our backyard.  Your feeling of emptiness is very natural - the best advice I was given is cry when you need to cry and let yourself grieve.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  It is what is best for you & your family right now.  

    I am thinking of you.   

  • I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Isaiah. I am sorry for all of your losses. The women on this board are amazing and so supportive. I know they have helped me through the last 4 months, and continue to help in so many ways.

    I wish you peace and comfort during this time.

    ~HUGS

    -Shawnna

    TTC #1 since 10/2010 RE consult 6/2011 PCOS (known) MFI IVF #1 w/ICSI 2/2012 BFP TRIPLETS our angels grew wings at 19.5 weeks 6.25.12 IVF #2 2/2013 Sono shows tissue Hysteroscopy needed Changing RE www.chasingstarsisbettertogether.com Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ~~~all welcome~~~
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  • I am so sorry for everything you have been through.  My heart breaks for you and your family.  I lost my daughter at 39 weeks.  It is so completely devastating to be prepared and waiting for child you love so much, only to go home without them.

    I am sorry you are here, but I hope you can find some support and comfort for the amazing women here. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby, Isaiah. My heart breaks when we have to welcome new mamas to our board, but I hope you can find some comfort and support here among women who understand.

    I have a 4-year-old daughter who was the reason why I got out of bed during those first weeks after we lost Annabelle. She still has trouble grasping the fact that her sister will never be here on earth to live or play with her. I don't cry as much when she asks why or when she will see her again. Time truly does help.

    ((HUGS)) 

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

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