I've been pregnant 5 times. I have one living child. It is so unfair.
My second son, Isaiah, was born on October 8, 2012. At our A/S, we found out that he had a condition called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome (the right side of his heart was underdeveloped & wouldn't be able to pump blood to his lungs). We had 20 weeks to prepare ourselves for the fact that he would have open heart surgery shortly after he was born. By the time he was born, we had accepted that we wouldn't get the "typical" newborn experience but as long as we could bring him home to make our family of 4 complete, it didn't matter.
October 16 we prayed for steady hands of Isaiah's surgical team. A nurse came out every hour to give us updates, and everything had gone so smoothly that Isaiah was going to come out of surgery with his chest closed (before there had been some question of whether or not he would be too swollen to close). As the nurse was giving us the final update, Isaiah's blood pressure dropped. They gave him epinephrine to bring it back up, but decided to leave his chest open until they were sure he was stable. Because his chest was open, he was kept on bypass.
Over the next three days, Isaiah got worse instead of better. We learned that his coronary arteries were about 1/10 of the size they should have been, making it incredibly difficult to get clean blood to his heart.
On October 19, the doctor's turned off the bypass machine. Isaiah fought for a few minutes with a steady heart beat & good blood pressure before his little heart couldn't take it anymore. His nurses cried with us.
I don't know where to go from here. I have an 18 month old son & a 4.5 year old step daughter who don't understand that Isaiah is gone. I've been forcing myself to keep moving because I still have to take care of my son. I feel so empty.