Staying sane?

Kiki33

I am 10w6d with a singleton (miscarried a twin at 8w) from FET. I have had two miscarriages in the past 4 months. I have not been able to connect to my baby or think of my future at all for fear that I will get too close and m/c. How do you deal with these feelings? When can you let the past go and move forward? I haven't been able to feel the excitement you are supposed to during this process. Every time I have cried tears of joy, they have been followed by tears of loss. What can I do to connect with baby and move forward rather than being so scared all of the time?

 

Any advice on staying sane is greatly appreciated. 

Dragonfly1226

I am so sorry for your losses. I haven't miscarried a twin, but I did have two losses before my pregnancy with DS. For me, the only thing that helped was time. When I reached the second tri it was a big relief. I honestly had a difficult time considering myself pregnant until then. When my mother would try to talk to me about the pregnancy I wouldn't even be able to talk about it. I was just so sure things would go wrong again. When I started to feel him move and kick, that's when I really started to relax. It was definitely a process. Try to go easy on yourself. You just suffered a loss a couple of weeks ago. I can't imagine the emotions you must be feeling. (((((hugehugs)))))

TJ1979

Dragonfly1226:

I am so sorry for your losses. I haven't miscarried a twin, but I did have two losses before my pregnancy with DS. For me, the only thing that helped was time. When I reached the second tri it was a big relief. I honestly had a difficult time considering myself pregnant until then. When my mother would try to talk to me about the pregnancy I wouldn't even be able to talk about it. I was just so sure things would go wrong again. When I started to feel him move and kick, that's when I really started to relax. It was definitely a process. Try to go easy on yourself. You just suffered a loss a couple of weeks ago. I can't imagine the emotions you must be feeling. (((((hugehugs)))))

All of this.

I didn't start to feel a connection with my LO until we found out it was a girl at our 19 week a/s.  Up until that point I was too scared I was going to lose her.  It is totally okay to feel that way.  It's hard to put yourself out there when you've been so hurt before.  I'm so sorry for your losses.  Just remind yourself every single day that today you are pregnant, and you love your baby.  Over time, as you pass each positive milestone, you will feel more and more sane.  Take care of yourself.  ((hugs))

ChicagoWeded2007

I'm so sorry for your losses. I also had a miscarriage before my successful pregnancy. It's sad that we can't be like those 'innocent' confident pregnant women who tell the world and register at 4 weeks. I can just tell you that at each milestone, it will feel more real. Especially when you feel him or her move. Have you visited the pregnant after a loss board? I'm sure you'll find a lot of help there too.

LnR70707

Time was the only thing that helped here too.  My loss was a chemical @ 6 weeks, so I passed that "mark" early on, but was diagnosed with a very large subchorionic hematoma at 10 weeks, complete with an emergency trip to L&D thinking it was over.  From then until 12/13 weeks it was like I was just going through the motions but couldn't let myself really count on the future.  2nd tri was a big step and having a home doppler to listen to HB really helped as well, and was my saving grace until I could rely on movement as reassurance things were fine.

ChicagoWeded2007

L&R70707:

Time was the only thing that helped here too.  My loss was a chemical @ 6 weeks, so I passed that "mark" early on, but was diagnosed with a very large subchorionic hematoma at 10 weeks, complete with an emergency trip to L&D thinking it was over.  From then until 12/13 weeks it was like I was just going through the motions but couldn't let myself really count on the future.  2nd tri was a big step and having a home doppler to listen to HB really helped as well, and was my saving grace until I could rely on movement as reassurance things were fine.

Oh yes, the home doppler was a wonderful thing that I used a lot until I could feel him move every day.  I tried to limit myself to 2-3 times a week, otherwise I would have been using it all the time! 

TJ1979

ChicagoWeded2007:

L&R70707:

Time was the only thing that helped here too.  My loss was a chemical @ 6 weeks, so I passed that "mark" early on, but was diagnosed with a very large subchorionic hematoma at 10 weeks, complete with an emergency trip to L&D thinking it was over.  From then until 12/13 weeks it was like I was just going through the motions but couldn't let myself really count on the future.  2nd tri was a big step and having a home doppler to listen to HB really helped as well, and was my saving grace until I could rely on movement as reassurance things were fine.

Oh yes, the home doppler was a wonderful thing that I used a lot until I could feel him move every day.  I tried to limit myself to 2-3 times a week, otherwise I would have been using it all the time! 

Me too!  I highly recommend a doppler.  Make sure you youtube videos on how to use it first though, it can be terrifying that first time if you can't find the hb, no need for unnecessary stress (in addition to what you are already going through.)

ChicagoWeded2007

TJ1979:

ChicagoWeded2007:

L&R70707:

Time was the only thing that helped here too.  My loss was a chemical @ 6 weeks, so I passed that "mark" early on, but was diagnosed with a very large subchorionic hematoma at 10 weeks, complete with an emergency trip to L&D thinking it was over.  From then until 12/13 weeks it was like I was just going through the motions but couldn't let myself really count on the future.  2nd tri was a big step and having a home doppler to listen to HB really helped as well, and was my saving grace until I could rely on movement as reassurance things were fine.

Oh yes, the home doppler was a wonderful thing that I used a lot until I could feel him move every day.  I tried to limit myself to 2-3 times a week, otherwise I would have been using it all the time! 

Me too!  I highly recommend a doppler.  Make sure you youtube videos on how to use it first though, it can be terrifying that first time if you can't find the hb, no need for unnecessary stress (in addition to what you are already going through.)

 

You could also try it for the first time right after a doctor appointment, so you know where the doctor found the heartbeat and you could look in the same place.  Although the baby moves all around, so it could have moved by then.  I am not sure when it can first be used, but 11 weeks is probably a couple weeks early. 

RoseHQ12

I am sorry for your loss & I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is healthy.  What you have been through is so difficult & I don't have any helpful advice but like some other ladies have mentioned you can only take it one day at a time & today you are pregnant & being detached from you baby doesn't make it any less painful if God forbid something happened.  As hard as it is give yourself permission to be happy & when you get farther along a feel movement it will give you some reassurance.  GL!