Late Term and Child Loss

Baby Shower Freak Out sub. pg mentioned

I just found out that my cousin is pg and due a week before me.

She is having a shower in a month that I am expected to go to.

I really, really, really do not want to go. I am afraid that people won't understand though. Just because I am expecting again doesn't mean that I no longer have anxiety with baby related stuff. I haven't even bought a single thing for this baby yet.

Ugh. How do I get out of this gracefully? my mom already made sure I was free the day of the shower, without telling me why
Loving my Little Bird (DD 3), Missing my Monkey Butt (DS) and Hoping for my Rainbow - due 2/17/13

Re: Baby Shower Freak Out sub. pg mentioned

  • Can you just be really, really "tired" the day of? Or maybe just tell the host that it is quite painful to do these things and can't attend and then just send a nice gift?  This is exactly the time you need to focus on yourself and your family, and hopefully people will understand.
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  • I know it's hard not to worry about what other people think, but it seems like the person that's most important in all of this is your cousin. Perhaps you could let her know how much you would love to be there, but that it is already bringing up a lot of painful emotions from your loss. Maybe offer to take her out to lunch one-on-one to celebrate and get her a nice gift so she understands it has nothing to do with her. If you have that kind of relationship with your mother, I would explain the same thing to her. Between your mom and cousin, they can explain to anyone that asks why you aren't able to make it. If anyone gives you a hard time (I hope not!), tell them you want the day to be about your cousin and her baby and are afraid that if you break down, it will take away from the celebration. Good luck!

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  • I know how you feel. I'm 35 weeks today and my mom really wanted to have a baby shower for me around the time I was 24 weeks. I didn't want one. She ended up surprising me with one and I was so mad at her. And unfortunetly you have those thoughts in your head. I was unwrapping an outfit that was size 8 months and caught myself (thank god I thought before I spoke this time) but I was about to say hopefully she'll live long enough to wear this. How awkward that would have been. I would just tell your mom that you don't feel comfortable and your still a mix of emotions. You don't want to go and then just bust out crying. Or if someone brings something up taht your not comfortable talking about. Maybe still buy your cousin a gift and drop it off at your moms and just write in the card congratulations sorry you couldn't make it. I hope that helps. hugs to you.
  • If worst comes to worst can you be "sick"? Maybe a last ditch option "just in case"...
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  • I have finally learned to just say no! I was always worried about what other people thought and I always put others before me. A few months ago I've finally learned to put myself first when I need to & to do whats right for me. If they ask why you don't want to go tell them the truth! Some people may not like to hear it but stop doing things to make people "comfortable" & start doing what is right for you!
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