took a break, feeling like I need to be back — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

took a break, feeling like I need to be back

Hi ladies!  Sorry I've been MIA for the last month or so.  I was in a pretty good space emotionally and feeling like I needed a little distance to focus on myself for a while.  I've been participating in Carly Marie's Project Heal and, while it's been very healing and I've enjoyed having a forum to share my memories and feelings regarding baby Gary and our loss, it's bringing up some old feelings that I thought I was through with.  Feelings of anger and guilt that I felt I had dealt with are back in full force.  I guess it just goes to show that this pain we feel never really goes away, but rather cycles.  Luckily the good times in between the hard times seems to grow and most days I function much the way I did before he passed.  I think it has a lot to do with his first angelversary approaching and the dread that I feel about the month of December.  I talked with DH today about it and he said that he's been having similar feelings.  It's nice to know that we're somewhere on the same wavelength.  

Anyway, I hope to be around more often now, both seeking and offering advice.  I've missed you all and look forward to catching up.  I'm sad to see so many new faces on this board.  I'm so sorry that you're here on this terrible journey with us, but I hope that you find the support and comfort that I have found so often from the wonderful women on this board.  Big hugs to all tonight!!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


Re: took a break, feeling like I need to be back

  • Ticker....






    Welcome back.  I'm glad you've been finding other avenues for healing, but I also know the feelings you're describing. It's hard to approach the 1 year anniversary-lots of different emotions. I found a lot of comfort in planning a little party for family and close friends. We created bags for NICU families and everyone brought little things like mittens, socks, hair bows, books, etc. It made me feel really good to know Ellie wasn't forgotten by my family and friends, and we felt like we were able to help somebody else in their time of need. 

    Thinking of you! 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickersimage
  • ((hugs)). Welcome back! You are right about the pain coming in cycles. I am so glad you can talk with your DH about how you are feeling, it is such a comfort to be able to do that!

      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • Welcome back. I definitely know how you feel about the emotions coming and going. I'm back to crying in my car and not being able to sleep at night again. I thought I was doing pretty good but it all came back like a flash flood. I've been participating in the project to and I'll just stare at my daughters pictures. I hope you feel better and it's nice that you and your husband are on the same page.
  • Welcome back! I also took a little bit of break to help myself heal a bit. This path that we walk is such a hard one!


    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image     image

  • **Siggy**





    Big (((HUGS))).  It's nice to see you back again.

    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • Huge hugs. It's good to see you back.
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