Update to SAHM church fiasco

lovebug33

So, I confronted the woman who told me I suck as a mom if I don't SAH (Did I ever mention she doesn't have kids?). I told her that I understand that she was trying to be helpful, but it was hurtful none the less, but that I forgive her for making the mistake of butting into our lives (I said it nicer). She's all good, but the leader really needs to take her own advice. I talked to her and she didn't feel my forgiveness was good enough. I think I am going to quit the group because I'm just a little disillusioned, but at least I am leaving the group on my own accord and not getting kicked out. I really appreciate everybody's advice because it helped me see that maybe this isn't the place I want to be. However, I'm leaving on my own instead of having somebody else make the choice for me. That makes me feel better!

pitterpatter129

I'm glad you and nosy woman patched things up, but I think you are making a good decision to find a new group.  I'm sure you can find some more accepting people who both glorify God and embrace people with lifestyles and choices different from their own.  You don't want to be friends with such judgey people and you can still keep the friendships you do want from the group. Good luck!

 

EastCoastBride

WTF?  IT's none of the leaders business how "good" your forgiveness was. 

groovygrl

I think I read your initial post but based on this one, it sounds like a good idea that you find a new place that is a new fit. Ditto the pp about the leader, I don't get that...

jeffsjayme

" She's all good, but the leader really needs to take her own advice. "  Why is the leader even involved here?  That's what I don't get...why she needs to be involved at all.

jeffsjayme

I think there's more to the story than we know.

Recap: You and a lady had a disagreement.  She overstepped her bounds, you sent her a letter on it.  The other lady involved her friend, who said something from the front of the room during Bible study.

You apologized to the lady, told her how she made you feel.  She accepted your apology.  The leader lady said wasn't good enough.

Who involved the leader lady at the end?  Why does she even get a say on your relationship with this other lady?  Why does she get a say on how good your apology was?  Did this other lady apologize to you?

I get you wanting to leave, but man, I bet this is gonna happen to the next WM that joins the group. 

 ETA: wording choice

stdldb29

jeffsjayme:

I think there's more to the story than we know.

Recap: You and a lady had a disagreement.  She overstepped her bounds, you sent her a letter on it.  The other lady involved her friend, who said something from the front of the room during Bible study.

You apologized to the lady, told her how she made you feel.  She accepted your apology.  The leader lady said wasn't good enough.

Who involved the leader lady at the end?  Why does she even get a say on your relationship with this other lady?  Why does she get a say on how good your apology was?  Did this other lady apologize to you?

I get you wanting to leave, but man, I bet this is gonna happen to the next WM that joins the group. 

 ETA: wording choice

 

The leader was the lady that said something in the meeting, so the lady that was giving her the books told her friend (who is the leader). 

jeffsjayme

stdldb29:

jeffsjayme:

I think there's more to the story than we know.

Recap: You and a lady had a disagreement.  She overstepped her bounds, you sent her a letter on it.  The other lady involved her friend, who said something from the front of the room during Bible study.

You apologized to the lady, told her how she made you feel.  She accepted your apology.  The leader lady said wasn't good enough.

Who involved the leader lady at the end?  Why does she even get a say on your relationship with this other lady?  Why does she get a say on how good your apology was?  Did this other lady apologize to you?

I get you wanting to leave, but man, I bet this is gonna happen to the next WM that joins the group. 

 ETA: wording choice

 

The leader was the lady that said something in the meeting, so the lady that was giving her the books told her friend (who is the leader). 

That's the thing that I don't get.  If the lady accepted her apology, why would she then go to the leader and say "she apologized and I'm cool with it", but the leader would say "it isn't good enough".  Either the lady isn't cool with her apology OR the leader is way over-involved...and really, this is all so childish.

lovebug33

It is all convoluted and childish and that's  why I'm done. 99 percent of the women in the group are retired. There are only 3 of us who work and I am the only one with small kids (the other ladies have adult children). I think many of them just don't remember what it was like to work. And, I think it's ridiculous how everybody is all hot and bothered about the whole thing. But, I get to leave on my own terms and that is what is importnat. Now, if I can only get DH to go to a different church, I'd be really happy!

daisy662

Good for you for leaving. These women sound like they are bored and have nothing better to do than gossip and cause drama.

JennJenn613

Wow, I'm just so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you really womaned up and talked it out with this other lady, and you're still getting s--t for it. It's just so unbelievable.

I will say, a lot of times it seems like old ladies have more drama than young ladies. I think they've got too much time on their hands. 

jennyelf

Good for you. You really don't need a group of judgy people like that in your life. You'll have enough going on soon anyway. I hope you find another group that has much better people in it. New mom groups were my life saver when I was on maternity leave. I kinda miss it now that I'm working.

groovygrl

Maybe you can find or organize a working moms bible study group....

KathrynMD

I'm glad you are leaving.

 

KL777

groovygrl:

Maybe you can find or organize a working moms bible study group....

 

This sounds like a good idea.  Sorry to hear how things turned out.

1026pumpkin

Wow- that group leader really sounds like she has some control issues.  She overstepped her bounds in the first place bringing up an issue between 2 individuals to the entire group, and who the heck does she think she is to say that forgiveness isn't adequate if you and the other lady have resolved your issues yourselves???

I'm glad that you worked things out with the Dr. Laura fan, and maybe you opened her eyes a bit and will make her think twice before shoving her opinions on someone else.  Also glad to hear you're leaving the group- I'm sure there are plenty of other groups out there with supportive women- no need to put up with this middle school drama!