The Juggle Struggle

JuliaSaidYes

I am really, really struggling with the juggle of work and home. I have a very demanding job (Marketing Director for a very large healthcare system) that I worked hard to get and have a lot of pressure to succeed there, but my heart and my faith tell me I am supposed to put my marriage and family first. But my work culture is insane - my boss who has two kids of her own is frequently emailing at 2 am, and sort of expects 24/7 BlackBerry access. Depending on the hour or day or week I constantly feel like I am failing at any one or many of my roles - boss, employee, client, wife or mother. I also feel like I am constantly forgetting something, e.g. did I wash the bottles, remember all of my pump parts, did I make copies of the presentation, do I have on two shoes from the same pair, and ohmigosh am I late again? My husband tells me that I put too much pressure on myself, perhaps more than anyone else ever will. And I know that it's hard for women to "have it all" especially all at the same time. But I feel like I'm not doing great at anything and I'm exhausted and I'm worried that it shows. I know y'all have been there too. Anyone have any tips for navigating or success stories?

cindybaf

I can feel very overwhelmed too. We are between nannies right now and doing the daycare thing but it makes my ten minute commute turn into an hour. I did ask to work part time, I could not do this job if I worked full time. While I love my job, At least I acknowlege my limitations and my priority has always been my family. We need the money, and I need the balance that comes from being a working mom. I'm home four days a week which is enough time for me! I don't know if your position could be part time, but I would see if maybe you can do something less demanding. Your boss sseems to be crossing boundaries. Dh has a boss like that and it's hard to respect someone that does not value your home/family time.

July18Bride

Cut yourself a break - don't expect perfection. Also, try to delegate if you can. If you can have your Mom or MIL come and help one night each per week, they can help with laundry/cooking/cleaning and let you have time with your LO. Set appropriate boundaries with your work, no 2am blackberry time. Maybe your boss does it- but I'm guessing she makes more money and maybe she gets more help.

Try to just take one thing at a time...not 5 things at a time. You'll find your routine and balance, your family is your number one priority!

EastCoastBride

I'll tell ya - by and large, I don't believe we can "have it all" - at least in the context of both parents working busy, demanding careers.  Something has to give when kids enter the picture.  They aren't just add-ons to our lives.  They are lifestyle changers! 

financialdiva

EastCoastBride:

I'll tell ya - by and large, I don't believe we can "have it all" - at least in the context of both parents working busy, demanding careers.  Something has to give when kids enter the picture.  They aren't just add-ons to our lives.  They are lifestyle changers! 

Well said ECB! I agree with PP's too. Start setting up boundaries at work now. GL. You will find your groove! 

Lahardy96

At work I agree with prior posts that you need to set boundaries and communicate about  expectations (both yours and your bosses). At home, ask for help - whether it be your husband, family, friend, or paid. Set a schedule (I may overkill my shared calendar as I include everything e.g.what's for dinner, but I do my best when I keep my schedule up). And as pp said, give yourself a break - it's a lot to try and do and things will always slip through the cracks. You can't beat yourself up about it. Try to identify your priorities each day and focus on them when you are with them. Personally my work knows I'm not reachable between 5:30 and 8 unless planned ahead or an emergency. That way I have at least 2 1/2 hours most days to truly focus on my kids. I believe quality outweighs quantity -but there are days I screw that up too, but I do my best and contimually count my blessings.

jnealet

You are deep in the trenches of infanthood.  You are going to crack if you don't cut yourself some slack.  The first year of a baby's life is intense for both baby and mommy.  Allow yourself to focus on the baby and let other things slide, they will be waiting for you to pick them up when your child doesn't need you so much.

Instead of focusin gon what you don't get done, think of all the things that you do get done.  You are doing more than you think.  And make sure you take some time for yourself - go grab a coffee or a pedicure.  It will help you be a better mom/wife/employee.

shannm

It is BS that people can have it all.  You can do anything but you can't do everything.  Lower your expectations, set priorities and remember to get some rest.

Bella427

Something has to give.  Don't let it be your sanity.  If you had time to read, I'd recommend my favorite WM book Balance is a Crock- Sleep is for the Weak.  Figure out what you're going to let go of; let the house be a wreck.  Don't be on your Blackberry until DC is asleep, etc.  Maybe you can only give 80% at work instead of 110%.  You have a 3 month old!  Be kind to yourself!

shamilton223

Balance is always tough.  Keep at it and you'll get there. 

1. Set rules for work.  I get paid for 40 hrs a week and I give that and then some.  I am not and will not be on call 24/7 unless I'm appropriately compensated for those additional hours. 

2. See if you can have a relative or friend or DH watch the kiddo on Sunday afternoons while you prep a week's worth of food.  Once I started doing this my life became much easier.  When I get home I throw a dish in the oven, put pasta in the soup in the crock pot for the last 30 minutes, etc.  That way I don't have to worry about dinner.

 3. Do your job but not everyone else's job.  If you need more help at work, ask for it.  No one can keep up the pace of doing 3-4 people's jobs for long. 

4. Forgive yourself.  There will be times when work has to come first and times when family has to come first.  True balanace is a myth.  It's okay for you to have to put in some overtime occasionally just like it's okay for you to have to stay home with a sick baby occasionally.  You can't be all things to all people all the time.  Just do your best.

Sounds to me like you're doing great, Mom.  Just keep at it.  Things will get easier.

Maybride2

Ditto everyone else - you can't have it all, all at the same time.  You only have so much to give, so you HAVE to prioritize and set boudaries.

And I'm betting that you haven't been a working mom real long yet, so you're still trying to find your routine and rhythm. 

When you're at work, focus on work.  Do the best that you can, and accept that that's the best that you can do.  Remember that at the end of the day, it's still just work. 

And when you're home, focus on home.  Turn off the Blackberry, don't check your email, don't worry about or stress over things that happened at work that day - you are 100% mommy and wife, and that's all that you need to worry about until the next morning when you get into work.

And after my kids go to bed, I do at least one household chore (dust one room, clean one bathroom, etc) and then get everything around for the next day (get bottles around, get my pump around lay out clothes, etc).  That way I'm not stressing about it the next morning. And then it's me and husband time. 

Just take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack.  You'll be fine.

 

Tink112011

My only tip - give it time.  When DS was 3 months old, I felt exactly the same way. They grow up quickly and it gets easier at the same time.  DS mellowed out, became more independent, and doesn't NEED me every second that I'm home.  He also finally STTN, and that helps too.

Now, if anyone can tell me how Moms of 2+ kiddos do it, I'd love to hear that!  I think we're one and done just because we have found a happy balance and aren't ready to rock that ship.

rosslau

I feel your pain...Im prego with #2 and have a 7 year old. I got a promotion to Store Mgr [Bank] and found out about #2 the same week! Talk about pressure! I work 50-60 hours per week and typically 6 days a week. Its not easy! I havent found a balance yet and am still struggling to do so! I know that eventually it will all work out... Keep your head up [as will I!] and know it WILL get better!