Ticker pic warning Coworker lost baby

katecham

Im sorry to be asking a question, but I need advice. I started my job in July and share an office with a lady who started the month before me. Since then we have become friends but she is pretty private. The past few weeks she has been crying and finally let me know today that she lost her baby boy last year. I have a son that is her sons age and I have pictures up all over. I'm sure I've made insensitive comments about how hard it is having him. No one at work knew about her son. My sister was stillborn 17 years ago and my family still misses her greatly my mom loves when people remember Grace and I'd love to do something for my coworker.

I would really like to do something to honor her baby boy since she has trusted me enough to tell me about him but am unsure what to do since I haven't known her very long. She is wonderful and I want to do somethig as long as it wouldn't hurt her more. I was thinking jewelry but really have no idea what would be best.

Also, is there anything I should do to avoid hurting her? She asks about DS every morning so I think avoiding talking about him would hurt her like I'm trying to avoid her/change the way we interact.

Thank you so much for any advice you may give.

On iPhone so sorry if there are formatting issues.






pic warning

pottermommy

See the clicky links at the top. What to do/what not to do. Also see our blog, also listed at the top.

weddedwife

I think your idea is lovely. A few words might go a long way too- saying that you are sorry for her loss, thanking her for sharing about it with you and maybe even telling her you feel badly if you've ever said anything insensitive. She obviously felt comfortable enough with you to tell you, so being willing to listen in the future would be a great gift to her as well.

careyalis

Everyone deals with loss in different ways, and it sounds like it took a lot for her to open up to you.  (I for one want to stop people on the street and tell them that my daughter lived, even though it wasn't very long!)  I love for people to acknowledge my daughter's existence--not in a pity type of way, but just acknowleding that I am a mother too.  I think it is great  (in a terribly unfortunate way) that you have experienced infant loss from the sibling side of it, so you can always talk to your mom about it and relate through her experience.  I second that you should look at our faqs and blog above--there is some great advice in there.

I love all of my personalized jewelry and I think that would be an awesome gift!  Etsy has a huge selection of memorial necklaces, etc.  Memorial ornaments, a personalized brick in a park, a tree planted in his name are all some good ideas too.Also, send her a card on her son's birthday and Mother's Day to let her know that you are thinking about her.  Little gestures like that mean the world to me and I am sure that they will be meaningful to her as well.

As far as talking about your son goes, let her guide the discussion.  Try not to complain in front of her, but answer her questions honestly. 

katecham

Thank you for the info. The links you mentioned blog, faq info are not visible on Bump mobile so I'll definitely check those when I can get to my computer. I will also take your advice and let her know if she wants to talk about her son I am here for her. I did some hunting online last night and am leaning toward buying a star star registry for Jacob and getting her a star necklace. I call her my "sunshine" due to a training activity we did together so I think she would understand the star gifts. She didn't share his birth story or birthday with me should I ask or wait for her to tell me in her own time? I would love to hear about him and be able to recognize his birthday.

Thank you again.




Pic warning