After 3 Months!!! Advice needed

Amores0121

Ok so basically my DD's father is a huge loser....last time he saw her was in July, 3 months ago.  Hasn't called to talk to her, hasn't called to talk to me.  Around Sept 5 he sent me a text saying he was moving in a week and getting a car and he wanted to get back on a "regular schedule" with seeing her. (He's been saying this all year). I told him I would believe it when I see it, based on past history. So I hear nothing from until yesterday when he sends me a text "what's going on for Halloween?" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???!!!

I told him i didn't know yet, then proceded to ask him how his new place was and if he got a car. Of course he hasn't moved yet and says he has a car but "it's not ready".  When I asked him why he wanted to know about Halloween he said he misses his daughters (he has another with someone else). I told him that he should think about that when he does not call or ask to see them for months on end, that I can't force a relationship, I tried doing that for a year and it didn't work.  So of course he doesn't respond until 3 hours later and says "well S will be here on Halloween, it would be nice if DD was here too".  When I told MH he burst out laughing and said "yeah right".

This am, I sent a response and said "so basically what you want is not have her on the weekends but only on the holidays and when it's convenient for you?"  He just wrote me back and told me that "when he moves he will" and there's no power at the house he was living at so he's staying at his brother until he meets with someone about a house.

Advice/opinons on how to handle this nutjob.

Karma1969

Don't reposnd.  Let him file a motion at court to get parenting time.  It doesn't sound like he'll do it but if he does you will be able to make sure that your child is going to a safe place.

Amores0121

Karma1969:

Don't reposnd.  Let him file a motion at court to get parenting time.  It doesn't sound like he'll do it but if he does you will be able to make sure that your child is going to a safe place.

Thank you. MH told me not to say yes either. I wasn't planning saying yes, just wondering if I should actually respond.  Where in MI are you? I am in the Detroit area.

Hopeforthebest

How old is your daughter?

I wouldn't refuse visitation altogether with her. I wouldn't let him do it willy nilly either. Maybe respond and say something to the effect "Since no one has heard from you in so long I have made plans, in the future please let me know know X number of (days, weeks) in advance and I'll be happy to work with you in regards to setting up time for visitation w/ your child.

I would NOT withhold her from him unless there is more to the story i.e.abuse, etc.

CFjo2010

Hopeforthebest:

I wouldn't refuse visitation altogether with her. I wouldn't let him do it willy nilly either. Maybe respond and say something to the effect "Since no one has heard from you in so long I have made plans, in the future please let me know know X number of (days, weeks) in advance and I'll be happy to work with you in regards to setting up time for visitation w/ your child.

I would NOT withhold her from him unless there is more to the story i.e.abuse, etc.

^^ This.  Make sure you keep all communications in writing (text/email) to back up what has been said.  Considering you haven't heard from him in a few months, I think a week is too short of notice.  If he wants to see DD on the weekend, fantastic.  But it needs to be planned a bit better on his part.  Is there a CO regarding visitation?  If so, let him know that you are more than willing to follow the CO, and that's it for right now.

If he asks to see DD on short notice and it doesn't work out, offer him a different day/time.  Should this ever go back to Court, you want to be able to show that you tried to work with him. 

Amores0121

Hopeforthebest:

How old is your daughter?

I wouldn't refuse visitation altogether with her. I wouldn't let him do it willy nilly either. Maybe respond and say something to the effect "Since no one has heard from you in so long I have made plans, in the future please let me know know X number of (days, weeks) in advance and I'll be happy to work with you in regards to setting up time for visitation w/ your child.

I would NOT withhold her from him unless there is more to the story i.e.abuse, etc.

My daughter is 5.  My original plan was to tell him we already made plans for Halloween, but he could have her this Saturday and Sunday if he wanted.  Of course after he tells me his living situation, that is not realistic at all. I was also thinking of telling him that since he got to take her trick or treating last year, I would like to take her this year.

Nineoceans

What a total jackss. I'd just tell him to take you to court to get his time established in writing. Sounds like he would float in and out of your daughters life any other way and that can't be great for her self esteem at this age

FutureMrsWittig

How far apart do you guys live?  Is it possible to take your child trick or treating where her dad will be?

I agree with PPs though, make him work for it a little.  This isn't about what's convenient for him.  No kid needs a yo-yo parent who's in and out of their life on a whim.

Amores0121

FutureMrsWittig:

How far apart do you guys live?  Is it possible to take your child trick or treating where her dad will be?

I agree with PPs though, make him work for it a little.  This isn't about what's convenient for him.  No kid needs a yo-yo parent who's in and out of their life on a whim.

Yeah that's the funny part! We used to live 30 minutes away from each other and I moved to the same city he lives in back in June. We are literally like 3 miles from each other yet he can't be bothered to see her. I won't be taking her there b/c after I pick her up I will be taking her to my mom's, then my dad's (which is about 20 mins in the opposite direction of where we live).

Yesterday a.m. I responded to him and told him since I hadn't heard from him in so long I didn't think he was interested in visiting on Halloween and that I had planned on taking her to my mom's and dad's since he took her trick or treating last year. I told him in the future for special events/holidays to please contact me 2 wks ahead of time so we can make arrangements.

His response was "For real" (yeah, he's brilliant). I told him yes, for real and then let him know she will be out of town for Thanksgiving b/c we are taking her to Disney world.  So he then proceded to say "well i guess you got what you wanted then" and started texting me asking me questions about my wedding (just got married).

I could tell based on his questions that he had seen some pics on someone's FB and I told him it was none of his business and to let me know when he wanted to have visitation with her. He said OK. I will probably hear from him before Christmas. My poor daughter.