Bratty children

RondackHiker

https://www.salon.com/2012/10/24/my_friends_child_is_a_brat/comments

The letter writer's problem is already mindblowing. That a child will attack an adult like that is shocking. But the response?! What the fluck.

Hesterlicious

Yeah I'm not sure the person that wrote the response knows anything about kids.

FordFalcor

Um. I... Wow.

That kid is a turd and his parents are clearly unaware of or apathetic to his behavior.

And that writer's response? What a lunatic. He sounds like he's on the verge of a psychotic break.

shopgirl78

I work in 5th & 6th grade classrooms & a portion (small) act obnoxious like that~ 11-12 year old boys are immature!  Moreseo, that a toddler, preschoolers, etc.  They love to fart, pop bags of chips, pronounce funny words, anything to get a reaction.  The author is rather crass and doesn't know about this age group or children in general.   11-12 year old boys giggle more than 12 year old girls and this is the year where I see that the girls have matured and the boys a year  (2?) behind.  A greater majority of this age groups have bratty moments...roll there eyes, misbehave, etc.  I have a feeling a great majority obnoxious kids have home issues....or lax/bad parenting and/or feed off their peers. When you take the moment, to try to help them or disipline them, they generally respond well.  Honestly, I think the author needs to find new friends.  The current situation isn't working for him.  

MrsCodeMonkey

I'll play devil's advocate here. The writer's opinion opinion that we shouldn't label kids as brats is valid. We can say that they act like brats, but calling them brats is doing the kids a disservice.

On the other hand, that response was too long and lashed out at the guy asking the question. A one word answer would have sufficed: patience.

We have friends with a kid who acted similarly and it's tough. I babysat on occasion and he didn't listen. I told him what the rules were and showed lots of patience. But yeah, it's frustrating. He climbed in our closet over a bunch of stuff so he could hide. He pulled on a lamp in DD's room after I told him it's not a toy. He antagonized our dog who then barked. He ran around our house. But in the end, nothing broke and we moved the dog since we couldn't change his behavior. I value our friendship with his parents too much to say something. They know and they're trying their best.

klondikebar

That child is behaving horribly. I'd be livid and embarassed if one of my children acted that way. Most of that response is a load of garbage IMO.

pepomntpat

fredalina:

I probably wouldn't have said it so strongly, but the bit about control is really valid. Children are not an extension of their parents, and parents cannot control the actions of their children the way they can control the actions of their right arm. The original letter writer seems to think if the dad were to just spank the kid exactly 32 times, or ground him for exactly 17 days, or yell at him at exactly 90 decibels, well that will be the exact right combination of things to suddenly make the child "behave" in the way the letter writer deems acceptable. It just doesn't work that way.

Also not loving that there is absolutely no mention of things that may be going on with the kid. Maybe it's presumptive of me to wonder, but there's no talk of his mom. Are they together or divorced, and for how long? Is the kid's only time with his dad for the next 2 weeks going to be with this man who clearly doesn't like the kid? (Of course the kid would know all of that). Does the kid have any medical issues like ADHD or ASD? or could he? The letter writer wants the kid to be X. The kid is Y. The letter writer needs to learn how to accept Y for who he is (and I'm betting he'll start being respected more in return), or stop hanging out with the two of them.

I agree with parts of this. Yes, a child cannot and should not be controlled. However, it is not at all unreasonable on the part of the letter writer to not want to be hit, mocked or have his glasses grabbed.  That's where the responder loses me...that somehow the guy is a jerk for not wanting to be bullied.

And while it is good to be sensitive to what a child is going through, there is sensitivity and there is permissiveness. You do a child no favors by saying, "It's okay to be mean to people, you are hurting." No, that is not okay.

 

RondackHiker

I would lose my temper if I was told to accept a kid grabbing or touching me and my things as a way to learn patience or to live in the moment or to release my own need for control or whatever the exact phrase was. The imitating, asking questions stuff... That stuff the letter writer may need to let go of. He or she needs to realize kids will be awkward.

But the touching? No. Not okay. If the author had responded saying "some of your complaints are valid, others are not. Let go of the little things. Remember kid could be upset about XYZ like PP stated, divorce, that callin the kid a brat would not help, that the kid likely knows he is disliked, and could have a diagnosis. And try to play or interact with the kid as appropriate." I would accept that.

But just to say, essentially, not only to suck it up but that this is a wonderful opportunity? Bull ***. The kid is grabbing an touching an adult and does not back off when asked. If the kid did not listen and the parents didnt intervene, I wouldn't be in that situation.

mom2pottamus

The response was completely off base.  He advised this man that he could basically heal all wounds from his past by seeing this wonderful opportunity to get to know this child better and accept who he is.  The guy basically wrote in saying he couldn't stand to be around his friends son, the dad wasn't disciplining, and he didn't like being hit. 

If there were other issues surrounding this child, I would hope the father would have shared them with someone who was being exposed to his son for that level of understanding.

The advice would have made some sense if he said the kid wasn't a brat, he was a kid, but that some discipline was needed.  The father said basically oh you are getting used to it.  I wouldn't expect another adult to have to get used it, just as I wouldn't tell another child to get used to it.

violaplayer

My guys are almost 2 and what the letter writer describes is behavior I would expect from them. (And dang straight I would correct such behavior)

 

But the child in the letter is 11. Nuh uh. This does not fly. What if the letter writer were an 11 year old girl? Most likely, the police would be involved and the kid would be in juvie. 11 year olds are by no means stupid. They certainly are capable of understanding appropriate behavior, if it has been taught.

 

The kid in the letter, the father of the kid, and the letter writer all have serious issues. The kid's are obvious. The dad is a douche who has no concept of setting needed boundaries and getting the kid help. (Which he obviously needs) And the letter writer is a doormat. The kid picks on him/her because the kid knows he can. 

outnumbered

I have to admit that I laughed at the kid asking him "why are you always blinking?".   

RondackHiker

Cate1234:

fredalina:

And this totally may not be the case at all and there was no evidence to suggest it, but I do wonder if the kid is lashing out at the man because he's "stealing" his time with his dad. The letter says the boy must be the center of attention. Maybe he is just desperate for his dad's attention but his dad is too busy giving wilderness instruction or whatever the heck these paid weekends are, and meanwhile his dad keeps bringing some guy who clearly hates the kid with him. Kid can't lash out at dad because it's dad's affections he wants (if my hypothesis were correct here). So he lashes out at the man, desperate for his dad to pay attention (negative attention is better than none for most kids), but his dad does nothing, completely ignoring the child's behavior, so the child then escalates.

This was my thought as well.  It sounds like the kid is trying to get the dad's attention anyway he can. 

Oh, I feel bad for him. Really bad, actually. But I am blown away by the author implying it is normal behavior or that the letter writer should take it and appreciate it. I think dad sounds like an ass.

sadsadie

Fluck the columnist. That kid is acting like a brat. Brat is precisely the word we use to describe children who regularly engage in such mean-spirited, manipulative, bullying behaviour. The kid is doing it because he knows the letter-writer won't (or can't) retaliate, therefore making him the perfect target for such cruel acts. The fact that the dad and the columnist both see the kid's behaviour as "normal" or something to be tolerated says a lot about the overly-lax state of child rearing today. I would never allow any child of mine to treat anyone in such a manner; even kids need to learn respect, dignity and etiquette, despite how old they might be (I think 11 is plenty old enough to be expected to act like reasonable human being).

If the kid has jealousy issues, he needs to learn how to verbalize his feelings and deal with them appropriately. The only lesson/behaviour that the kid is learning right now is that it is okay to use social aggression against others. Not cool at all. His dad is a total *** for not educating his kid about respect and kindness and for allowing his kid to abuse the letter-writer.