How to handle 10 month old tantrums?

kashmir81

HI everyone! My LO has recently, at about 9 months, started throwing tantrums, either when I won't let him do something or don't do what he wants (like pick him up).  It includes thrwoing his body on the ground and crying, screaming at the top of his lungs, tensing all his muscles and yelling.  What are some approaches to this? TIA!

KateLouise

When my LO throws a tantrum (regardless of age) my general approach is to talk in a very soothing voice, to verbalise what they're probably feeling, and to explain the reasoning. eg. "I know you want to play with the socket, but it's dangeours to touch. I know that's frustrating for you, and you're disappointed. How about we look at x y and z"

I know some children don't like to be touched or cuddled when they're having a tantrum, but DD1 has always let me hold her. I've always used the words, "Listen to me, just relax and listen to Mum" or words to that effect, and she responds quickly to the words and the tone of my voice. Then I can talk through the situation.

Obviously at 8mths old they have no idea what you're saying, but to me the point is to help them calm themselves and to give them a calm base. 

vanceke08

I tell him that it is ok to be angry, but he needs to be angry in his room (because at that point, the sight of me paying attention to little sister, or seeing me not picking him up when he wants is what's causing the tantrum) I put him in his room and tell him I will know he is ready to come out when he is calm. Call it a time out if you want, but he never takes more than a minute to calm down, and then we play or read a book. Just removing him from the upsetting stimuli and creating a different scenario when he comes back into the room is all it takes to stop a tantrum. He just needs a little change in scenery. that's what has worked for us. hth!! 

fyrefairie

vanceke08:

I tell him that it is ok to be angry, but he needs to be angry in his room (because at that point, the sight of me paying attention to little sister, or seeing me not picking him up when he wants is what's causing the tantrum) I put him in his room and tell him I will know he is ready to come out when he is calm. Call it a time out if you want, but he never takes more than a minute to calm down, and then we play or read a book. Just removing him from the upsetting stimuli and creating a different scenario when he comes back into the room is all it takes to stop a tantrum. He just needs a little change in scenery. that's what has worked for us. hth!! 

Not sure this would be quite as effective for a 10 month old

 

aglenn

I agree with KateLouise. Basically all you can do at that age is pick him up, calm him down, and try to distract him with something else if you still need to put him down and do something.

PurpleDrewbie5

DD started this about the same time. She is a little over a year now. I never pick her up or cuddle her if she's throwing a tantrum. It would be rewarding negative behavior. I squat down to her level and say "I know you're mad I took your tooth bush but we're done in the bathroom. Let's find something else." She usually stops within five seconds and we find something else to do. Occasionally she'll cry for a little longer but never more than a minute. Once she realizes tooth brushing time is over and mommy is playing with the doll in the other room, she comes toddling in.

kashmir81

Thank you everyone for all your suggestions. I tried talking calmly to him last night, saying things like "I know you are very angry that I am not picking you up. I'm very sorry that I can't at the moment" or "I know you are mad because you want your food right now - I will bring it to you as soon as it has cooled down." Then I tried distracting by singing songs. He calmed down from screaming, tensing, throwing his body on the ground and sobbing much sooner than he was when I was ignoring the tantrum, sometimes stopping in the middle of it to hear what I was saying. I know a lot of it is because he misses me (he's in daycare for 10 hours) and just wants me to hold him or give him food.  I'll try putting him in a back carry tonight so he can feel close to me while I get the stuff done that I need to; hopefully that will prevent the tantrums!

I think there was a suggestion to put him somewhere quiet and leave him - with my LO, if I were to do that, he would go from tantrum to full blown terror screaming and sobbing. He doesn't handle not being in the same room as me well.  But thank you for the suggestion!

mrsmonak

My son will get in what I call a "tantrum trance" where it seems like he doesn't even know what's going on around him.  He'll throw himself all over the place.  When he gets like that, the only thing that usually calms him down pretty quickly is nursing.  But he will eventually relax if that's not an option.  I have not been able to distract him with anything when he gets like that, even if it's something he usually loves.  For more minor meltdowns, giving him something unexpected or something he usually doesn't play with, like a hair brush, tissue box, etc, usually helps.  I have read that babies at this age seem to overreact a lot, but it's only because they don't know how to express themselves properly and not that they are really acting out.  So it's better not to see it as a place for discipline, but rather try to diffuse the situation.  Of course, sometimes we just want to go hide and let someone else deal with them. ;]

Bride-hilda

fyrefairie:

vanceke08:

I tell him that it is ok to be angry, but he needs to be angry in his room (because at that point, the sight of me paying attention to little sister, or seeing me not picking him up when he wants is what's causing the tantrum) I put him in his room and tell him I will know he is ready to come out when he is calm. Call it a time out if you want, but he never takes more than a minute to calm down, and then we play or read a book. Just removing him from the upsetting stimuli and creating a different scenario when he comes back into the room is all it takes to stop a tantrum. He just needs a little change in scenery. that's what has worked for us. hth!! 

Not sure this would be quite as effective for a 10 month old

 

I think it would be fine. The key is consistency. 

outnumbered

I think it would be fine. The key is consistency.  

Really?  You think putting a 10 month old in their room for a perfectly normal reaction to frustration would be effective.  The pre-frontal cortex of a 10 month old is not developed.  They do not have the the brain matter  to control their 'tantrums'.  10 month olds are not being malicious or 'bad' they are just having an outburst of emotion and often need their parents to soothe them or distract them.    I also do not consider picking up a 10 month old who is having a tantrum as rewarding negative behavior.  I guess I do not even consider it negative behavior at such a young age.  Some babies cannot calm down on their own.