How did I get here?

littlebeansmama

I am pretty sure my H and I are headed for a separation and probably a divorce.

This is pretty much all my fault. I have been a horrible wife...he does not feel connected to me, appreciated, respected, and he feels like he does everything and I do nothing. All true.

Yesterday I asked him why we didn't just get a divorce and I guess that was the last straw. I said it out of anger but he was very hurt by it and now he thinks that is what we should do. He said he is raw from pain I have caused him and he doesn't know if there is any love left for me inside of him.

I am currently in counseling dealing with my own demons from the past, trying to improve myself, and be a better person. It is helping but it is a slow process.

We have a 2 year old daughter and I am 23 weeks pregnant with our son. I do not want to separate or divorce but at this point, it may not be up to me. We had a long talk into the wee hours of the morning last night and I have vowed to improve our relationship if he will give me another chance. He said he needs to think about it.

I just ordered a marriage fitness audio CD set that a friend recommended to me and I have contacted a marriage counselor hoping that he will be willing to give it another shot and repair our relationship.

I know this is my fault and I would give anything to go back and do things differently. Now I just have to wait to see if he thinks he can forgive me and wants to salvage our marriage.

My question is...what do I do if he wants to separate? I don't think I can support two children on my salary and I have no family here to help me out. My family is in Virginia but I also know I can't take my children that far away from their father.

I have no idea where to go from here. Any helpful advice?

DarthNBJenni

You are pregnant and have a 2 year old - cut yourself some slack. Were things this bad before you got pregnant again? 

littlebeansmama

No, not as bad but we still had some of these same issues. I think it's just gotten worse during the pregnancy.

rlyttle

My mother always told me that marriage is very hard & sometimes you are going to think about divorce. She said when that happens you should give your relationship a year before you call it quits. Many people throw in the towel to quickly when all you need is to buckle down, make some changes, and recommit to your relationship. So, maybe just give it some time. Have the baby, see how things go, continue to go to counseling both together & separate. GL!!

Watergirl21

I was lurking on here and I just wanted to comment on your post. I am having issues with my dh so I can relate. I see a lot of good things about your situation you can still talk, you are seeking help it just sounds like sometimes you say things out of anger, there is a good book that I think might help its by John gottman. The other one that might be helpful is the love dare.
I know in my situation my biggest issue is I cannot communicate with my husband I would have a lot more hope if we could talk and he was willing to get help.