Coming over from the Dec '12 Board

MinaE01

Hi Ladies! It's been quite a whirlwind these past few days, but here I am! Pardon my lack of preemie terminology; I will learn, though!

I delivered my son on Saturday at 32w3d. He is 4lb 6oz and 17" long. He had a CPAP for a day and was in an isolette for 2 days. Today, he is breathing room air and regulating temperature. He's a little jaundiced, so they have him on a lamp. His feedings are being increased every day and we're working on getting him to suck.

I am so happy he's doing so well, but I am an emotional basketcase since being discharged yesterday! I cannot believe how much it hurts to be away from him. I also miss being pregnant, and I wonder if there was anything I did to cause this. I thought I took excellent care of myself. I'm sure these emotions are completely normal. I just didn't expect to suddenly be in this situation (as hardly anyone does!). I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

CTbride79

Hi there!  Welcome and congrats!  What is your son's name?

First of all, all of what you are feeling is completely normal!  I went through the same guilt about wondering if I caused my son's prematurity (he was born at 32 weeks also and was really tiny - 2 lbs. 9 oz. due to IUGR), and I thought I took excellent care of myself during my pregnancy and was dilligent about avoiding everything I should.  What my doctor told me is that sometimes these things just happen, and we may never know why.  I also missed being pregnant (it got a lot easier once he due date came and went) and had a hard time dealing with being away from him while he was in the NICU, knowing he should still be growing inside me.  It got easier everyday though! 

Are you doing K-care?  That really helped me get through each day, knowing I could snuggle DS as long as I wanted when he wasn't under the lights (my DS had jaundice too). 

Please feel free to ask any questions...there is a wealth of knowledge on this board! 

jcsntms06

Congratulations on the birth of your LO. Sounds like he's doing wonderfully for a 32 weeker. Praying that he figures out the feeding soon. All your feelings are totally normal and with time they will ease. Praying for a short and uneventful NICU stay.

Pips09

Congrats on your baby!

AndBabyWouldMake5

Welcome!  I had all of the same emotions and feelings.  I physically hurt when I was away from DD and everyone thought I was nuts except for the ladies here.

Thoughts and prayers for your family

 

kelly321

Congratulations! It sounds like your son is doing really well!

What was the reason for prematurity (preterm labor, pre-e, etc)? No matter what it was, there almost certainly was nothing you could have done to prevent it - unless you were bungee jumping and it caused a placental abruption or something. Still, that feeling is entirely normal and in most cases will fade with time. If you find yourself really struggling with guilt or if the birth situation was particularly traumatic (doesn't have to be the birth itself, but just the circumstance), then you could consider seeking counseling to help you. Many people don't realize how traumatic having a preemie unexpectedly can be. I hope that your support system is good, and you've found your way to the right board! The women here are very knowledgeable and helpful!! 

starrdiva211

Congratulations on the arrival of your son! I am glad that he is doing well.

I am also from the December '12 board. My Ethan was born 9/25/12 at 29w6d and weighed only 2lbs, 5oz (varying number of factors for my emergency c-section). 

The feelings that you are feeling are completely normal as everyone says. You will have your up days and you will have your down days (I am having a down day right now).

The women in this group are truly phenomenal and provide a great wealth of information.  

Sept30Madison

Congrats!  Shounds like he is doing great and I hope that he comes home soon!

PhillyGal34

Welcome... and let me start off by saying that you DID NOTHING WRONG! it is normal to feel that way but I can already tell how much you care about your son and it is obvious that you would do nothing to harm him. 

leaving my son in the hospital is by far the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  I was an emotional wreck.  I also went through stages of it for weeks afterward and even after he came home with us.  Be aware that many NICU moms go through PTSD (some women on here can speak more to that if you need it) but keep an eye out for those things.  and please come here with any questions you have.  We've all been there and understand that most people do not know the correct terminology... once upon a time we didn't either.  Also, this may not apply to you but I had to stay away from my BMB for a few months. Only now am I really able to go back there. Seeing all the "am I in labor" posts broke my heart and hearing about people having their babies and taking them home killed me.  I posted and told them that I had my son and that we were doing well, posted updates every now and then but didn't read any other posts.  it was far too hard for me. 

megs2011

Congrats on the birth of your little one. I could have written this myself. I have been a wreck since my girls were born at 34w4d and I miss being pregnant as well. It was definitely hard to leave the girls every time we leave the hospital. I thought there had to be something that I did to make this happen. I had Pre-E and HELLP syndrome which caused IUGR. I know it's easier said than done but tell yourself there is nothing YOU did wrong.. sometimes these things happen and we don't know why. Hang in there momma.

bellavita79

You are not alone. I'm also here from the Dec. 12 board! I was hospitalized at 31 weeks and was monitored 24/7 for fetal heartrate deceleration. I ended up delivering at 31 weeks and 5 days to our little one. She came out 2 lbs, 3 oz (because of IUGR). I'm also dealing with guilt, fear, sadness, etc. But it sounds like your little one is doing so well! We're in the journey together and pray that our little miracles will be home soon.