Potential match - need some insight

lafayettegirl

I'll state that I am NOT looking for medical advice. Just need to know what else to think about. We've been approached to show our profile. Everything is great with BM and BF. the only thing that worries me is that BM has a bipolar BM (she was adopted at 6) and a biological brother with bipolar and multiple personality disorder. 

I know that heredity does play a part in mental illness. BM has been treated for depression a couple of times, is not currently being treated, and all the meds she has taken in the past are ones that do not concern me. (I've done prior research on these drugs). However, she has not ever been diagnosed with bipolar, shows now signs of it and certainly does not have multiple personality disorder. She also has another biological brother who has no mental health issues. BF is mentally and physically healthy, as is his family.

Our homestudy says we do not want a family history of schizophrenia, but I'm not so sure that we should rule this case out. What questions should I be asking? Also, I have a call in to a family therapist, so again, I am NOT asking for medical advice. Just want to get some thoughts from people who have been looking for the right match too.

jillianmb

I would want to do some more research if it were me, but I can honestly say I think I would move forward.  I would look at it this way: there are no guarantees in life and most likely the baby will grow up healthy.  That said, when it comes to mental health, both genetic and environmental factors play a role and when it comes to providing a good environment (emotional, physical, spiritual health), support, resources etc., I have access to everything my DC would need if the need arose.  I think basically what I am saying is that my biggest question to myself would be: am I equipped to handle the mental health issues if they arose?  My answer is yes and so I would move forward, praying they never did arise but confidant that DH and I have the resources to address it one step at a time if they did. 

lizlemon2

Bipolar honestly doesn't worry me that much, especially two generations up.  Multiple Personality Disorder is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder.  It is usually a result of prolonged exposure to extreme trauma.  Of course having a predispositioin to mental illness can play a role, but that is not a disorder I would worry about when it comes to genetics.

There are many effective treatments for BiPolar disorder, and by the time your child is a teen and young adult it may be even better.

 Like you, we ruled out a bio parent with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.  Those are very strong genes, and there isn't as much that can be done for people with that illness to live a healthy, productive life outside an institution.

ycristina84

My mother is bipolar and my father is schizophrenic, so I totally understand your worries! We spoke to a genetic consultant and he told us our odds of passing it on to our children is less than 3%. And it does tend to skip a generation. My brother and I don't have any of these issues. The thing with mental illness, is that it's really the flip of coin. Even if you have no mental illness in the family tree, your child could have clinical depression or schizophrenia (my father, for example. We have no other cases in the family). 

If it were me, I would just weigh if I could handle the worst case scenario but prepare for the best. Bipolar disorder is EXTREMELY different than schizophrenia, and it is manageable with therapy, exercise, and medication. People live full and normal lives. So personally, I would go forward, but it's just what you can handle.

firecracker8

I have personal experience with this and our son's birth family. Feel free to PM me if you want details on our experience. I don't want to share too much on a public forum..... 

That being said. I personally wouldn't hesitate to move forward.  

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silliestbunny

You've got to go w/your gut...

I've seen this discussed here and on our FB page.... and there are many members of our group that don't see this as an issue... and others that do see it as an issue. 
People are definitely split on it.

 My advice-- talk w/a pediatrician and a family doc that has experience treating a child/teen with bipolar to see what it could look like for you. 

As you know, it's not a sure thing... but if you look at what it might be like to parent a child with mental illness, you can weigh your choices.  Adoption is a strange journey where we have to make decisions that aren't always easy.

Don't feel pressure one way or the other.

FWIW-- my cousin's daughter has suffered greatly with bipolar and it's been a very expensive journey for them (financially and of course emotionally).   It's been tough on them as sa family.    I share this only because I see the other side of the issue shared quite often and I think it's important to be real about how a diagnosis can affect a family.

lafayettegirl

Thank you all so very much!! I know this is a very personal and very hard decision. We spent the evening talking to a therapist and physician and have decided to move forward in showing our profile. I have mental health issues on my side of the family - mainly depression and anxiety - so I have a bit of experience.

Just hearing the number of different views has been so helpful in knowing we are not the only people out there having to make these choices. 

Your support and thoughts are, as always, tremendously appreciated!!

kekis

Our agency recommended OTIS (https://www.otispregnancy.org/).  They also have toll-free number where you can speak with a counselor to get some sound advice - not just medical advice but more genetic counseling.  It might be worth the call just so you can make an informed decision that you & DH feel is best for your future family.  GL!