Anyone go back to work after a few years of staying at home?

MrsGoody

I'm a SAHM with three kids - ages 6, 4 and 18 months.  I quit my job when my oldest was born and have stayed home ever since (so 6 1/2 years now).  I had a corporate job as an industrial engineer in the financial industry, and the main reason I quit was because of lack of job flexibility (i.e., no opportunity to go part-time or work from home), and the 1 hour plus commute.  

I really enjoyed staying at home for the first few years.  However, my third child was a preemie, so we had pretty significant medical expenses last year (and still do, with extra doctor's appointments, therapy, etc.).  Our finances are a bit strained and DH is starting to hint that he would like it if I went back to work.  We would definitely be somewhat better off financially if we did, but not significantly (it's not like we'd be clearing an extra $2K a month or anything after childcare expenses).  I'm also feeling a bit unfulfilled at home; I try to keep busy with some hobbies and seeing friends, but the day to day grind of caring for three children and cleaning up their messes constantly is starting to get to me.  I do miss the analytical and problem-solving nature of my work, and the adult interaction I had.  I miss contributing to the household finances.  I've considered a local part-time job (retail, etc.), but it would be harder on my DH to have to watch the kids while I worked in the evening and weekends since he already works 50+ hours a week and has a fairly stressful job. 

I worry though about the transition to working full time and how it would affect my children and the household.  We would most likely hire a nanny for child care.

Just wondering if there was anyone else who went back to work after several years at home, what made you decide to do it, how easy/difficult was it to make your decision, how did it affect your family, etc.  

Thanks for your input!

NicoleWI

I wish someone had advice for you, because I'm curious about this as I think about staying home for a few years. I do have one distant friend who I had lunch with just after she went back to work after several years off, just as I was started to consider SAH. It seems to be working well for her family. They have an au pair. She had no trouble finding a job and has been promoted. I actually would like to catch up with her now and get the latest post-promotion, b/c she was concerned about the extra time away and some international travel. When we had lunch, she was struggling with several things that you noted--how they would balance everything with both of them working. She really wanted to work part-time but at the time that wasn't an option with the great position she found. Working FT was really a bit too much, but despite that, overall she was happy with being back. She said that a few years ago, she was just where I am--wanting to SAH and feeling like everything at home is too out of control and rush and chaotic. She said that now, she just felt ready to go back the same way she had felt ready to SAH. She was just ready again for a new phase. I hope someone has some first-hand advice to share.

MarxieVonTrapp

I don't have any first-hand advice to share, but my boss did it.  She has an 8-year-old and a 3-year-old and stayed home until the younger son was about eighteen-months-old (she had a son in between, but he had severe health issues and died).  She was in our field somewhat before she Mom Tracked, and now she's back.  Here's my advice--only because I see what she didn't do.  

Before you go back to work, make sure you're up to date on all the latest software.  There's nothing more annoying than having to explain to her how to sort columns or how to send a meeting request.  

Good luck. 

bearkatjen

I did this. I stayed home for three years with DS before returning to work. I was a grad student while I stayed home, so I would be more marketable when I got ready to return to work, and so that I didn't have gaps in my resume. I volunteered in my field while I was a SAHM too, though I actually ended up going into a different field when I returned to the work force. I feel like my transition form SAHM to working mom has been pretty smooth considering I was 6 weeks pg when I returned to work. I think a lack of flexibility has been one of the hardest things to adjust to. DH and I both have excellent flexibility in our jobs, but it doesn't compare to the flexibility you have with a parent at home.

I would get your skills current for your field, and start looking around. 

LanaM

I returned to working full time after 3.25 years at home. My kids are now 7.5 and 4.5.
First day was really tough, but it had been great so far.
My kids are loving their schools, that makes it easier for me, of course.

There is not much flexibility at my job.... But its been ok so far.

Good luck!

hansa11

With the exception of having a premature baby, your situation sounds very similar to mine.  I stayed at home for three years and went back to work a few months ago.  Fourth things make it worth it/doable:

• Having a job I really like - I enjoy what I'm doing and look forward to going to work.
• Working close to home - I had a long, stressful commute at my old job and I appreciate not only the shorter commute, but being close to home if the kids get sick, I need to run home for something, or I want to attend something at the kids' school during the day.
• Somewhat flexible schedule - I wish I could work part-time - that would be perfect for me as far as work/life balance - but just being able to set my hours or work a flex schedule was huge for me.  Being home in time to make dinner makes the post-work day so much less rushed and stressful.
• Having a nanny - No daycare dropoff or pickup equals a lot more time in the day and just less to organize.  The downside of a nanny I was most worried about was having to find back-up care if she gets sick, but being childless, she rarely gets sick and on the flipside, I've rarely had to stay home because the kids are sick.  She'll take care of them if they have a fever, or any of the other symptoms that would have kept them out of daycare.

Like you, I was really worried about the transition to work.  Although my husband was gently pushing me to go back to work, I sat him down and had a very frank discussion with him about what my going back to work would mean for the kids and for HIM.  I reminded him of everything I did around the house, for the kids and for him as a SAHM and made it clear that I wasn't going to be expected to keep doing all that AND work.  I'll be honest and say that housework and such is nowhere near split 50/50, but he at least has stepped up.

I was also worried about how I'd be emotionally about going back to work, but I think the advantage of having been home and not having such a brand new baby is that I don't romanticize what it's like to be a SAHM and since my kids were older, I was a seasoned enough parent to know they'd be okay.  The first few weeks were a little rough getting used to someone other than mom at home, but I was confident it'd just take time, and I was right.

Good luck with your decision.  Take your time to find the right job and talk to your husband about how he can help in the transition.

 

nosoup4u

I recently went back to work after 4+ years at home, and I'm very, very happy I did. My kids are 4.5 and 2, and I work "part-time" (though it's 30+ hours/week with commuting). We hired a babysitter to watch them for six hours a day, and DS1 goes to preschool during that time.

The kids have transitioned well to me working, though they can get a bit crazy on Mondays when DH and I get back home. I think it's helped me deal with them more, I was slowly losing my mind by being with them pretty much 24 hours a day.

I am definitely more stressed, but it's not in a bad way at all. I relish the time I have to think about my job and non-mom related things all day. We've been good about staying on top of housework and planning out meals for the week. 

I would say, make sure you really do a good job finding a nanny. We're in the process of finding a new one, as our current one turned out to be really flaky and unreliable. It's seriously stressful looking for a new one!