Any book recs on boys or 2u2?

melaniedel

I am having a second boy and very excited, but a bit worried. My H and his brother are two years apart and astranged (his brother is a weirdo, too...didn't come to our wedding, never visited us-they live three hours away, and never even came to see my DS when he was born, he actually tells us to stop sending pictures of him).My family is very close so this is all just crazy to me. I'm not blaming anything on their parents, but wondering what went wrong. I just want to absorb as much information as I can so I can raise two sweet, loving, good-natured boys into men. My Dad is a twin, and although he and my Uncle are competitive, they always loved each other and are attached at the hip (meaning they get together and golf at least once a week, etc).

Also, any books on raising two close in age would be great. TIA for any recs.

smerka

I really don't have any book advice, but my DH doesn't get along with his brothers either and I'm really close to my family.  DH just doesn't have much in common with his brothers and they've pulled some crap over the years.  I don't blame the parents.  The brothers are all just different.  I don't know that there's much you can do to make them like each other.

MitoRachel

DH is close to his younger brothers but not his older. I could totally see his older brother doing the same things as you are describing your BIL doing. Turns out he has aspergers that went undiagnosed until quite recently. So, you never know what additional things might be playing into the strained relationship.

brighteyes2123

My mom is roughly 18 months older then my uncle, but their relationship is rocky. I don't have any book recommendations, however, I think it's all in how you raise your sons. My mom and her brother we're always competitive and while both smart, and athletic, they each had their strengths and weaknesses. I think it's how my grandma raised them, cause even though there six years between my brother and I, we were never like that. Good luck! I'm only coming up to my eleventh week, so I'm not sure what I'm having yet.

melaniedel

brighteyes2123:

My mom is roughly 18 months older then my uncle, but their relationship is rocky. I don't have any book recommendations, however, I think it's all in how you raise your sons. My mom and her brother we're always competitive and while both smart, and athletic, they each had their strengths and weaknesses. I think it's how my grandma raised them, cause even though there six years between my brother and I, we were never like that. Good luck! I'm only coming up to my eleventh week, so I'm not sure what I'm having yet.

I guess there could be competition with either sex. Thanks for replying. I have a book on raising boys, and hopefully they touch on this.

sweetpea2003

One book I have read that helped a little (though, isn't really applicable until they are older) is "Siblings Without Rivalry".  It gets into discipline and how to make sure you don't pit one against the other. 

Though, I think that what makes siblings close/not close is more of a temperment and situational things (and luck!) than what parents do.  My DH has 3 brothers and they are VERY VERY close.  My in-laws didn't do anything special to foster that - they just happen to have a lot in common and really are all just cool, normal, laid back guys.  No drama.  My sister and I TRY REALLY HARD to be close, but we have very little in common and it is a labor of love.  Again, our parents didn't do anything wrong or special, we just have different personalities and interests that make our relationship more work to maintain.

With my kids we try to not punish one on behalf of the other.  If they are fighting over a toy we put the toy in timeout (not one of them) so that it is more about they BOTH lose something - not one or the other.  And as they get older, we will employ some of the other strategies I read about that keep siblings from feeling competative.

As for temperments, I really think my kids would get along better if my son was the older one.  My daughter is very territorial about her toys, her space, and is very very sensitive.  It makes it hard because DS is a baby and doesn't understand this stuff.  DS is very laid back and I think he would have been a good big brother and less territorial/tempermental about a little sibling in his space.  They are definitely getting along better as they get older, but when DS was 6 months and DD was 22 months it was a NIGHTMARE.  Nothing I did...  Just the way they are. 

melaniedel

sweetpea2003:

One book I have read that helped a little (though, isn't really applicable until they are older) is "Siblings Without Rivalry".  It gets into discipline and how to make sure you don't pit one against the other. 

Though, I think that what makes siblings close/not close is more of a temperment and situational things (and luck!) than what parents do.  My DH has 3 brothers and they are VERY VERY close.  My in-laws didn't do anything special to foster that - they just happen to have a lot in common and really are all just cool, normal, laid back guys.  No drama.  My sister and I TRY REALLY HARD to be close, but we have very little in common and it is a labor of love.  Again, our parents didn't do anything wrong or special, we just have different personalities and interests that make our relationship more work to maintain.

With my kids we try to not punish one on behalf of the other.  If they are fighting over a toy we put the toy in timeout (not one of them) so that it is more about they BOTH lose something - not one or the other.  And as they get older, we will employ some of the other strategies I read about that keep siblings from feeling competative.

As for temperments, I really think my kids would get along better if my son was the older one.  My daughter is very territorial about her toys, her space, and is very very sensitive.  It makes it hard because DS is a baby and doesn't understand this stuff.  DS is very laid back and I think he would have been a good big brother and less territorial/tempermental about a little sibling in his space.  They are definitely getting along better as they get older, but when DS was 6 months and DD was 22 months it was a NIGHTMARE.  Nothing I did...  Just the way they are. 

Thank you for all the info, advice and book rec. I'm looking it up on Amazon right now. I like your strategy on putting the toy in time out. Was that it your book rec? Thanks again!