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Working Moms
bethann3181
member
Please help with meltdown central everyday after work...
bethann3181
member
in Working Moms
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I am need of serious help. My 2 1/2 year old has meltdowns EVERY NIGHT when I get home from work (even though he's home with a nanny all day - she watches them at our house). My 6 month old is starting this behavior too. I always get a GLOWING report from our nanny..."They were content, happy, and well behaved all day! They played well together, ate great meals, took long naps..." (which DH can confirm, as he works from home when he?s not on the road), and the MINUTE I walk through the door, the whining, crying, and meltdowns start. I know the real issue is that they missed me all day and just want my attention and to reconnect with me, and I definitely want that too. However, with two children to divide attention between, a husband to at least say hi to, and dinner to get on the table, it feels impossible. I also like to have a quick chat with the nanny to find out about their day. She does keep a journal of their routines and activities, but I like to get details about their day, and also not just rush her right out the door. I have tried giving DS1 my undivided attention for 10-15 minutes as soon as I walk in the door in an effort to reconnect before moving onto evening routines, but it?s not enough for him. Plus, I don?t want to ignore DS2 ? he needs the same attention. DH and I do try to work together on this ? I have suggested us talking turns with each kid every other day, giving each one our full attention for a period of time right after work before we start with dinner, night routines, etc. However, the meltdowns from DS1 are immediate when I walk through the door, and DH has a schedule that changes daily, so he?s not always right there or available at the moment I come home. DS1 is also in a mommy phase, and even hanging out with Daddy doesn?t please him.
DS1 is happy on the weekends, and on vacations, etc (where we are with him for extended periods of days/time), but then the weekdays come, and it?s all back to the same thing. DS1 has been acting out a lot in general ? throwing, screaming, etc, and I know it?s a cry for attention, but I can?t just focus on him in the evenings. I get that this is also an age thing, but as I said, this behavior drastically reduces on weekends, etc.
I am starting to dread evenings and coming home from work. I am so happy to see my little guys each day, but every day after work is the same, and it?s stressing me out.
Please help...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Please help with meltdown central everyday after work...
first of all *hugs*
are you really giving him your full 100% attention when you come in - or are you changing clothes, chatting w/ the nanny, sorting through the mail, THEN giving him your full attention? Have you tried holding his hand/sitting him on your lap, giving him hugs while you change clothes/chat, even pee? When you do spend time w/ him 1 on 1, make sure there is A LOT of physical contact - lots of hugging, kisses, tickles, wrestling, and lots of "I missed you so much!!" Have you tried a special snack?
I wouldn't worry too much about your younger LO right now, work things out w/ your older one first. If he sees Dad all day, I'm sure he wants you.
ETA - we do TV too, but it can become a bad habit and then trying to get them off the TV for dinner becomes another struggle.
I like the idea of the nanny fixing them an easy dinner (leftovers, etc.) and then you sit w/ them and you and DH eat later.
My son has always had a "witching hour" before dinner time...even when I was on mat leave! While I was nursing him, as soon as we got home, we'd cuddle up on the couch for a nursing session and he'd calm right down. After he was weaned, I needed to make sure we had a snack ASAP (milk and veggies) and if I need to make dinner, I assign him jobs (throw things in the trash, put napkins on the table, help me stir), or if dinner is ready to go (crock pot, leftovers), we cuddle up on the couch with his snack and read books or watch an episode of Sesame Street. He really does need some time to unwind at the end of each day or he is a terror.
As PP noted, if I really need to get stuff done when we walk in the door, I'll set him up with a healthy snack and an episode of Sesame Street (he doesn't get any other TV all day), and he'll chill out while I get stuff done, and then we'll all sit down for dinner. Hope this helps!
Suggestion from a nanny that has 3 charges that do exactly this (and they're 8, 6, and 3.5, surprisingly the worst behavior meltdowns come from the 8 & 6 year olds):
If you can, call the nanny and give her a heads up when you're about 15-20 minutes away so she can start preparing him. "Mommy's almost home! What do you want to show mommy that you did today? Let's surprise her!"
That should help at least with the initial walking-in-the-door meltdown. Maybe he can pick a toy or game he'd like to play with you AND his sibling (getting down on the floor with baby in lap and building a tower/cars/animals/anything that actively engages him) and talk about his day for a minute or two and then tell him step-by-step what else you're going to do. "Alright, I can play for a few more minutes, but these work clothes feel yucky, so I'm going to go change so we can have more fun. Are you getting hungry? We need to make dinner soon, can you help me? (napkins on the table is the 3.5 year old's "dinner job" in my nanny family) After we eat, maybe we'll read a book/play a game/etcetc."