Child Support Help

cole2144

gin9874:

cole2144:

bebe11:

What is your current custody agreement that the CS was based on?  Is there anyway that BM would be willing to accept a lower payment?

I am sorry this is happening, but unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  If you want to maintain your current life style, you may just have to go back to work and help support your family as well.  It sucks, but I'd rather do that, and keep my house.

Really, I do support my family. I take care of my son and save us from having another childcare bill. I also take care of the house and all that involves. Have you ever been a SAHM? I can`t believe people especially women still think like this.

Do not turn this into SAHM /WM debate that is an entirely different argument in an intact family versus a blended family.  She was more than likely referring to FINANCIAL support and the argument about taking care of a home can also go on the WM side, BTW. You were talking about not being able to afford your mortgage, logic then says you need to find another way to fix your finances and that could include cutting out other expenses, getting a job or your husband could get a second and be subject to more CS. Logically, you getting a job would most likely have more of an impact than the other choices.

IMO telling me I need to support my family implies I don`t already. I have stated before I have a high school diploma, I would work to pay daycare and that is about it. Like I said before I will do my best to make our situation work but excuse me if I am not thrilled about having my child go into daycare. It is a personal choice.

kimmygirl77

cole2144:

gin9874:

cole2144:

bebe11:

What is your current custody agreement that the CS was based on?  Is there anyway that BM would be willing to accept a lower payment?

I am sorry this is happening, but unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  If you want to maintain your current life style, you may just have to go back to work and help support your family as well.  It sucks, but I'd rather do that, and keep my house.

Really, I do support my family. I take care of my son and save us from having another childcare bill. I also take care of the house and all that involves. Have you ever been a SAHM? I can`t believe people especially women still think like this.

Do not turn this into SAHM /WM debate that is an entirely different argument in an intact family versus a blended family.  She was more than likely referring to FINANCIAL support and the argument about taking care of a home can also go on the WM side, BTW. You were talking about not being able to afford your mortgage, logic then says you need to find another way to fix your finances and that could include cutting out other expenses, getting a job or your husband could get a second and be subject to more CS. Logically, you getting a job would most likely have more of an impact than the other choices.

IMO telling me I need to support my family implies I don`t already. I have stated before I have a high school diploma, I would work to pay daycare and that is about it. Like I said before I will do my best to make our situation work but excuse me if I am not thrilled about having my child go into daycare. It is a personal choice.

My family needs 2 incomes in order to make ends meet. i also, did not want my DD in daycare. So, i stay home during the day and work in the evenings and weekends. Yes it sucks sometimes when i cant be with my family on the weekends, but we sacrafice so that we can afford our home. Just saying, you dont have to put your DS in daycare. There are other options.....

cole2144

kimmygirl77:

cole2144:

gin9874:

cole2144:

bebe11:

What is your current custody agreement that the CS was based on?  Is there anyway that BM would be willing to accept a lower payment?

I am sorry this is happening, but unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  If you want to maintain your current life style, you may just have to go back to work and help support your family as well.  It sucks, but I'd rather do that, and keep my house.

Really, I do support my family. I take care of my son and save us from having another childcare bill. I also take care of the house and all that involves. Have you ever been a SAHM? I can`t believe people especially women still think like this.

Do not turn this into SAHM /WM debate that is an entirely different argument in an intact family versus a blended family.  She was more than likely referring to FINANCIAL support and the argument about taking care of a home can also go on the WM side, BTW. You were talking about not being able to afford your mortgage, logic then says you need to find another way to fix your finances and that could include cutting out other expenses, getting a job or your husband could get a second and be subject to more CS. Logically, you getting a job would most likely have more of an impact than the other choices.

IMO telling me I need to support my family implies I don`t already. I have stated before I have a high school diploma, I would work to pay daycare and that is about it. Like I said before I will do my best to make our situation work but excuse me if I am not thrilled about having my child go into daycare. It is a personal choice.

My family needs 2 incomes in order to make ends meet. i also, did not want my DD in daycare. So, i stay home during the day and work in the evenings and weekends. Yes it sucks sometimes when i cant be with my family on the weekends, but we sacrafice so that we can afford our home. Just saying, you dont have to put your DS in daycare. There are other options.....

I will try to figure something out but my husband is an engineer and often works mandatory overtime until 10 at night.

cole2144

wendilea:

What about doing daycare in your home?  You could care for just a couple of other kiddos - your son would get interaction with other kids, you would get some extra income, and he wouldn't have to be cared for by anyone else.

There are also reputable work from home companies.  I worked for Alpine Access for 7 years - you are a W2 employee, you have a set schedule, they take out taxes, it's completely legit.  I don't know if they're hiring in your area, but there are other companies out there that have similar work structures.  When I was first separated, I went to school during the day, took care of the girls in the evening, and worked overnights (from home) for Alpine.  My grandma watched the girls while I was in school.

There are ways to make it work, even if the amount of CS seems incredible.

That is a great idea, I will look into that thanks.

wwnbw

cole2144:

wendilea:

What about doing daycare in your home?  You could care for just a couple of other kiddos - your son would get interaction with other kids, you would get some extra income, and he wouldn't have to be cared for by anyone else.

There are also reputable work from home companies.  I worked for Alpine Access for 7 years - you are a W2 employee, you have a set schedule, they take out taxes, it's completely legit.  I don't know if they're hiring in your area, but there are other companies out there that have similar work structures.  When I was first separated, I went to school during the day, took care of the girls in the evening, and worked overnights (from home) for Alpine.  My grandma watched the girls while I was in school.

There are ways to make it work, even if the amount of CS seems incredible.

That is a great idea, I will look into that thanks.

That is the only way I can make it work. I work retail one day a week so that I can get my discount to dress all of these kids and then I watch two sisters out of my home. I don't have a day care and I'm not listed or anything and it works out great because she pays me in cash!

AmeliaKris

We have dh 3 kids full time and haven't seen a dime from bm. She keeps jumping jobs. I would be happy to have 200 a month to cover school lunches for all 3. I work 2 jobs and my husband works extra. It sucks and we keep trying to collect. I agree some set amounts are too high...just a broken system.

kirbear

Here it is based on what both parents make and they do not take expenses into consideration.  And I agree, if they did so many people would start living outside of their means in order to have lower child support payments.  In some situtions CS may not seem fair.  It can go both ways- there are people who may pay too much, and there are others who barely receive anything, and then those who never get a dime.  It isn't always the best formula, but it's one of those things that is what it is and has to be accepted or it will cause a lot of stress in life. You may not think it is fair, but you knew when you married your husband that he had financial obligations to his daughter. Fair or not, it's a state court calculation- not much can be done. And you couldn't honestly have thought that BM would never change the agreement they had?  CS changes all the time. And especially if he has been paying so much less all along that this comes as such a shock to you. 

As for knowing how much it costs to raise your SD.  I agree with the previous poster that said you are thinking of spending money and extras- not what it costs to truly raise a child- that money helps to pay for the house, the school district (in our school district houses are a lot more and taxes are through the roof but no way I'd let my dd go to a bad school and xh agrees), gas, a vehicle, insurance etc...  It's not all going to the fun stuff.  I get a decent amount of CS per month and it doesn't cover everything, a good portion of my income goes to my daughter as well- as it should.  I have my daughter 99.9 percent of the time (xh takes her maybe 2 hours per week) but ours isn't adjusted based on the amount of time.  Our incomes are evened out so dd has the same lifestyle at both houses--- problem is- she hasn't been to his house in over six months!

I don't think it's fair to think that DH should get to pay her less money so you can stay home.  Unfortunately many of us have had to return to work whether we like it or not.  And when someone mentioned supporting your family they meant in a financial way.  All of us, whether we work or not support our families in the way you describe.  Many of us have worked, gone to school, and raise our families at the same time.  Where there is a will, there's a way.  Where does your son go when you go to class?  

Look into babysitting, look into getting a weekend job, see if you qualify for any reduced price daycares for you ds due to your financial situation.  Also check into being a paraprofessional- around here you need your high school diploma and have to pass a test but they start around $12/hour. I'm not sure how much you are needing to bring in to be able to keep your house and living the way you have been. You will also have to adjust your budget and things will be tight until you adjust.   I know when i paid a in-home (their home) babysitter 4 days a week I used to give her about 160 dollars per week.  So even if you watched two kids you could bring in an okay amount of money and wouldn't have to put you ds in daycare of pay that extra expense.  I guess it depends upon how much you need to make.  Perhaps with a change in your financial situation you will qualify for financial aid, or else take student loans.  That's what I had to do and it was so worth it in the end.  Things may be rough for a bit but they will settle down and work out in the end.  

How much time are you requesting in custody court?  How much of a difference will it make in child support if you get what you want?  Enough of a difference to not affect your house and you staying home?   

TwinkieFiend

I know it sucks, but it sounds like you need to financially contribute to raising your child as well. You state CS doesn't allow your husband to financially support his child with you. That's not correct, it doesn't allow him to support his child with you ALONE. BM sounds kind of crappy, but it sounds like she and your DH both contribute financially to their child. So you and your DH must both contribute financially towards yours.

And it is quite possible to spend over 1000/month, depending on the child's age. Like you stated, child care is expensive. I'd say the average I hear is 8001000 alone. Not counting food, clothes, health expenses, etc.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I would focus more on looking at options for you to bring in income than on trying to lower CS. Good luck!

cole2144

kirbear:

Here it is based on what both parents make and they do not take expenses into consideration.  And I agree, if they did so many people would start living outside of their means in order to have lower child support payments.  In some situtions CS may not seem fair.  It can go both ways- there are people who may pay too much, and there are others who barely receive anything, and then those who never get a dime.  It isn't always the best formula, but it's one of those things that is what it is and has to be accepted or it will cause a lot of stress in life. You may not think it is fair, but you knew when you married your husband that he had financial obligations to his daughter. Fair or not, it's a state court calculation- not much can be done. And you couldn't honestly have thought that BM would never change the agreement they had?  CS changes all the time. And especially if he has been paying so much less all along that this comes as such a shock to you. 

As for knowing how much it costs to raise your SD.  I agree with the previous poster that said you are thinking of spending money and extras- not what it costs to truly raise a child- that money helps to pay for the house, the school district (in our school district houses are a lot more and taxes are through the roof but no way I'd let my dd go to a bad school and xh agrees), gas, a vehicle, insurance etc...  It's not all going to the fun stuff.  I get a decent amount of CS per month and it doesn't cover everything, a good portion of my income goes to my daughter as well- as it should.  I have my daughter 99.9 percent of the time (xh takes her maybe 2 hours per week) but ours isn't adjusted based on the amount of time.  Our incomes are evened out so dd has the same lifestyle at both houses--- problem is- she hasn't been to his house in over six months!

I don't think it's fair to think that DH should get to pay her less money so you can stay home.  Unfortunately many of us have had to return to work whether we like it or not.  And when someone mentioned supporting your family they meant in a financial way.  All of us, whether we work or not support our families in the way you describe.  Many of us have worked, gone to school, and raise our families at the same time.  Where there is a will, there's a way.  Where does your son go when you go to class?  

Look into babysitting, look into getting a weekend job, see if you qualify for any reduced price daycares for you ds due to your financial situation.  Also check into being a paraprofessional- around here you need your high school diploma and have to pass a test but they start around $12/hour. I'm not sure how much you are needing to bring in to be able to keep your house and living the way you have been. You will also have to adjust your budget and things will be tight until you adjust.   I know when i paid a in-home (their home) babysitter 4 days a week I used to give her about 160 dollars per week.  So even if you watched two kids you could bring in an okay amount of money and wouldn't have to put you ds in daycare of pay that extra expense.  I guess it depends upon how much you need to make.  Perhaps with a change in your financial situation you will qualify for financial aid, or else take student loans.  That's what I had to do and it was so worth it in the end.  Things may be rough for a bit but they will settle down and work out in the end.  

How much time are you requesting in custody court?  How much of a difference will it make in child support if you get what you want?  Enough of a difference to not affect your house and you staying home?   

Actually I am not just talking about the fun things, I have a child, and I have been in SD`s life since she was 16 months, I know her expenses. SD does not live in a good district with high taxes because her mother moved her out of one to move in with her boyfriend. BM lives with her fiance in his house so whether SD is his child or not she is living in a two income household there. SD`s portion of household bills is nominal. I know what it costs to clothe her as we do not share clothes so we keep a wardrobe for her. As for her daycare, I know what that costs as we have always paid half of daycare expenses. I am not asking that he pay less so I can stay home, I am asking that he pay less because the amount is ridiculous and more than what SD needs. So if we are paying more than what she needs, what is left for BM to pay for? When I am in class, my son is with me because I take online courses. We have looked at what it would cost to put my son in daycare against what I would likely make and it does not make much sense, not to mention that I like being home for my son. We do not live beyond our means and have been careful to make me staying home a viable option for us. Yes, I will do what I have to do but it pisses me off to have to give up what I want for my child so DH can pay more than what SD needs. We are requesting 50-50 custody which would have a significant reduction in CS. Our CCES report said serious consideration should be given to 50-50 if we moved closer to SD, (her mom moved her 40 minutes away in 2011) so we bought our 1st house 15 minutes from where BM lives.

xmaryrickx

cole2144:

gin9874:

cole2144:

bebe11:

What is your current custody agreement that the CS was based on?  Is there anyway that BM would be willing to accept a lower payment?

I am sorry this is happening, but unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  If you want to maintain your current life style, you may just have to go back to work and help support your family as well.  It sucks, but I'd rather do that, and keep my house.

Really, I do support my family. I take care of my son and save us from having another childcare bill. I also take care of the house and all that involves. Have you ever been a SAHM? I can`t believe people especially women still think like this.

Do not turn this into SAHM /WM debate that is an entirely different argument in an intact family versus a blended family.  She was more than likely referring to FINANCIAL support and the argument about taking care of a home can also go on the WM side, BTW. You were talking about not being able to afford your mortgage, logic then says you need to find another way to fix your finances and that could include cutting out other expenses, getting a job or your husband could get a second and be subject to more CS. Logically, you getting a job would most likely have more of an impact than the other choices.

IMO telling me I need to support my family implies I don`t already. I have stated before I have a high school diploma, I would work to pay daycare and that is about it. Like I said before I will do my best to make our situation work but excuse me if I am not thrilled about having my child go into daycare. It is a personal choice.

maybe I missed it in the slew of insane posts in this thread, but what does your states CS calculator state your H should pay based on his income?

If you are only going to bring in enough to cover the added day care expense why would you work? It's not going to accomplish anything. Can you take a retail job that has opposite hours of your H eliminating the need for childcare? It's the holiday season so there are a lot of part time jobs available, maybe weekends if your H is off.

OP this isn't directed at you, but many of the posts in this thread make me want to scream. The selfishness is outstanding.

cole2144

xmaryrickx:

cole2144:

gin9874:

cole2144:

bebe11:

What is your current custody agreement that the CS was based on?  Is there anyway that BM would be willing to accept a lower payment?

I am sorry this is happening, but unfortunatly there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  If you want to maintain your current life style, you may just have to go back to work and help support your family as well.  It sucks, but I'd rather do that, and keep my house.

Really, I do support my family. I take care of my son and save us from having another childcare bill. I also take care of the house and all that involves. Have you ever been a SAHM? I can`t believe people especially women still think like this.

Do not turn this into SAHM /WM debate that is an entirely different argument in an intact family versus a blended family.  She was more than likely referring to FINANCIAL support and the argument about taking care of a home can also go on the WM side, BTW. You were talking about not being able to afford your mortgage, logic then says you need to find another way to fix your finances and that could include cutting out other expenses, getting a job or your husband could get a second and be subject to more CS. Logically, you getting a job would most likely have more of an impact than the other choices.

IMO telling me I need to support my family implies I don`t already. I have stated before I have a high school diploma, I would work to pay daycare and that is about it. Like I said before I will do my best to make our situation work but excuse me if I am not thrilled about having my child go into daycare. It is a personal choice.

maybe I missed it in the slew of insane posts in this thread, but what does your states CS calculator state your H should pay based on his income? If you are only going to bring in enough to cover the added day care expense why would you work? It's not going to accomplish anything. Can you take a retail job that has opposite hours of your H eliminating the need for childcare? It's the holiday season so there are a lot of part time jobs available, maybe weekends if your H is off. OP this isn't directed at you, but many of the posts in this thread make me want to scream. The selfishness is outstanding.

Exactly, we have to figure out a way to even make it worth it because the jobs I am qualified for are minimum wage jobs. I will have to try and pick up weekend work because my husband is an engineer who is salary and has been on mandatory overtime for most of the past couple months. He often works until 10 at night during the week.

I don`t want to get into this again but a lot of the posts here seem to go back to the whole is the first child or children more important debate.

xmaryrickx

I'm not quoting for the sake of space but again, have you looked at the child support calculator for your state?????


This isn't about what child is more important. They are equally as important. This is about obligations. Take kids out of the equation. If your bills total 1000 a month and you make 1300 you shouldn't go out and buy a car with a 500 car payment because you can't meet those obligations. It's the same here. If someone has obligations In the form of child support for existing children and choose to take on additional obligations that will make it hard to keep up with the obligations they had first, then perhaps they are not making a wise choice.

cole2144

Are you really comparing my child to a car payment?

xmaryrickx

cole2144:

Are you really comparing my child to a car payment?

oh FFS cole. Really? It's about obligations. We all have them. And they come in different forms. When you have a child that is obligation number one. And supporting that child comes first, and being able to meet the existing obligation to that child should be a factor in deciding to have more children, in deciding whether or not you can take on additional debts house, car, etc, and obligations that relate to time, opportunities, etcit's not just about money, in this case it is, but speaking in general terms it's about more.

No I wasn't comparing your child to a car. It's a nonemotional way of looking at a situation.

Can you PLEASE answer my question in regards to the CS calculator? I have asked it three times.

cole2144

As I have stated before, my husband paid support this entire time but not this much, therefore money was not an issue before. Now that we a mortgage money is stretched tighter but SD also has her own room now with a backyard to play in. She does not have this at her mother`s as she chose to move in with her boyfriend now fiance in the inner-city. Yes my husband looked at the calculator but without knowing BM`s information it was hard to come up with an appropriate number. We also are trying to get her to produce tax returns as she claims she has not had a raise in 4 yrs which we find hard to believe especially with a relative in a very high position at the company.

Oh and before you say why not rent, rent was the same amount of money so it did not make sense.

cole2144

dbliesmer:

cole2144:

Are you really comparing my child to a car payment?

She clearly said, take kids out of the equation and was just using a generic example to get her point across.

I agree with her point.  My H doesn't pay CS since we have SD full time and we don't receive CS just because we've never pushed it.  However, when he did pay CS it was a major factor in any of our decisions together.  We were looking at getting married and buying a house together.  We factored in the aspect of possibly having to have our CS go up.  I agree the CS system is out of whack, but there is nothing we can do about it.  I would bring all of your points or concerns to your lawyer and he/she will know how to express those concerns at the hearing and will maybe sway the decision.

We sent our attorney an email about our concerns.

Kitttkattt

Reading all this, I am so glad I live in a 20% state. Thats it. Plus health insurance, which is the same no matter how many children on the policy. Plus half of childcare, which we ve been fortunate not to pay and in my state it only goes to age 12. SD is 10.5 so only 2.5 years to screw us with that. And we ve been lucky so far, maybe our luck will last another 2.5 yrs. In the states without set percentages, you can be screwed out of most of your income if BM decides to quit her job. I can see a situation where dad is remarried, bought a home in a good neighborhood, had a couple more kids, and then has to sell and move into a single wide in a crap school district cuz BM quit her job. Have the kids lives completely disrupted. That is not fair and such a scenario should never be possible. I think the flat percentage states have it right, dad knows his obligations and can plan his life accordingly. Instead of being jerked around by the actions of his ex wife years and years after the divorce. But that 20% even in my case does cause us to lose out, I had a choice to make, and I decided to give my children my time, and they are happy kids. I could have worked extra to make up the support $$ that was leaving the house, but I chose to do without. That is the reality of remarriage to a man with kids, you will lose out. That's why it is never ever a good idea to marry a man with kids when you have no kids. Hold out for a man with no kids. Don't even speak to a man with kids if you have no kids any more than necessary for politeness or work. Seriously.

Kitttkattt

Cole, I think you should seriously consider selling your house and getting a house you can afford under the worst case highest child support possible, which sounds like 55% of net if I read correct earlier. Because even if you dodge the bullet this time, next time you may not be so lucky. BM can screw you around til the kid turns 18. You don't want to be in a situation where your kids are settled in at school, have friends, activities, kids on the block and have to disrupt their entire lives because of BM. Maybe you can stay in the same school district and get a smaller older home or a fixer upper, especially in this economy. What we have done instead of moving when we needed more space which would have gave us a higher expense forever is we did remodeling. You pay for it when you can, and it's not a permanent expense like a mortgage. Especially in this economy you can get work done cheap.