Marriage=Work

catycate

It's really nice to hear that other women find it marriage to be hard work. I love DH and while we aren't in a rough patch right now, we have definitely been there (recently, actually). 

What "triggers" a rough patch for you guys? What "cures" a rough patch? Do you think that it's inevitable to have rough patches?

*My lame attempt to pick the board up... 

tarebear9891

Hard patches and good patches happen. I think in a good marriage the good outweighs the bad.

Bad patches for us are triggered by excess stress. I'm a full time nursing student and I work about 10 hours a week plus the two kids so time wise, my husband takes low priority at times. And money wise we are strapped. When I'm on breaks or have caught up on school things get better.

JourneyToBaby

Any significant amount emotional or financial stress causes my husband to go into his shell for a bit to "figure it out". This is they way he deals.  This always puts us into a bit of a "rough patch" because I am very much the opposite.  Time always heals...

 

We are in a bit of a patch at the moment.  Gets better everyday.

 

startingover10423

We don't have many rough patches. We have both had issues (he is a recovering gambling addict, hasn't gambled for 3+ years), I have bi-polar II and OCD. The only issues we have are when I get in a cleaning mood, and I tell him he should help out more. He really does a lot, but when I'm in one of those moods, I get irritated very easily. He knows it and understands it, but it still hurts. We make up. We talk openly about everything. He loves us. He is awesome!

KJmashup

Triggers: financial strain, my depression, parenting stress

Cures: time, therapy, a happy DS 

Libby1978

Ok.  I just saw this on Pinterest and feel this is the perfect thread to use it in.

I've got this covered BTW.  haha

But seriously, all marriages go through rough patches and there is no single "cure."  Every couple works through their issues in different ways.

kcisthebombdotcom

I think any good relationship goes through rough patches. If it's always status quo there's some passion missing.

I think rough patches are usually triggered from work stress. They're cured from spending extra quality time together.

Helenahhandbasket

Being a wife and a mom are by far my hardest roles.

DH and I went through a really shaky time two years ago when his father passed unexpectedly and I miscarried (both occurred within a few weeks of one another).  We did couples counseling for about a year, and it helped, but it's not perfect.

Sadly, my MIL passed in August, so we are dealing with some of the old stresses again.  I wouldn't say we are in as bad of shape as we were in 2010, but there is some tension.

aglenn

I think life is just hard and complicated and there are times when we are all going to feel like our partner doesn't get it and we are missing that connection and support.  Recognizing that and asking for what I need in a productive way helps.  I think there is no way that every day will be easy peasy because life just isn't like that, but it's important to talk to each other about what you need from day to day and work through it as you go.  Everything changes all the time, especially with kids, and what worked yesterday probably won't work tomorrow.  So it does take work, in my opinion, to keep that we're-in-this-together feeling going, which is key to me feeling happy with my marriage.

This is why when I have single friends involved in all kinds of relationship drama and strain, I tell them that life is only going to get harder, and even the best relationships are going to be stretched and pushed to their limits over the course of normal life, so if you can't get along in the beginning it is not a good sign.

seahorse102410

Oh I'm definitely the crazy one!  I'm better when I try not to make everything perfect.  Not that I'm a perfectionist or anything.  Just have to let things that are not that important go.

pepomntpat

We've been in a rough patch for a while and it has been a lot of hard work. I love DH and we both want to make it work. While it's been draining at times, I think it's actually been a positive experience for both of us. We have grown a lot individually and as a couple as we work through our issues.

Our rough patch was actually triggered by my miscarriage.  So, yeah, when I say a while it's been a while. Ups and downs during the rough patch for sure, but definitely a rough patch. 

WellersBo

For us, our rough patch is triggered by my lack of attention on DH. Before DD, everything was really centered on DH and it worked just fine. Now that DD is here, I don't have time to sit and rub his feet like I used to, or lay his clothes out every day, or pack his lunch for him, and he really misses all those little niceties.

But the problem is, he doesn't help out at all with DD, so even if I *did* have a little extra time, I'm not so inclined to do those little nice things for him. Because he doesn't help me, even when I ask. So we've been going round and round.

We did have a great trip to Vegas for our anniversary and we reconnected wonderfully. But as soon as we were driving home from the airport he ruined it by saying, "headed back to our miserable life". We're just really trying to find that balance of doing the day to day, but still finding time for each other. For some reason, it's been really hard for us.