What did you/will you do on your year mark?

may2806

Hi, I was on this board last year when I lost my daughter Samantha at 17 weeks on October 28. I have since moved back to my 'home' board, IFV, to pursue additional fertility treatments. Unfortunately my last IVF resulted in another (early) miscarriage. We will be trying again with our remaining 2 frozen embryos and then we will move on to adoption.

But I hope it's ok for me to come back here as our year mark nears - I don't really know what to call it - birthday? anniversary - that doesn't seem right? I am having a lot of faith issues so I don't want to call it an 'angelversary' or something like that either. Anyway, I don't know what to do to mark the day. It seems strange for me to plan to set aside one day to remember her - I remember her every single day. I think that DH and I might plan a special day for ourselves - maybe go into the city, do something a bit fun. But I feel guilty, like I should want to spend the day being sad.

I know everyone grieves differently and everyone needs to do what's right for them, but how did you (or plan to) spend the day? 

karebear57

You can come here anytime, we are always here

For Brianna's 1yr birthday I made vanilla cupcakes from scratch with strawberry frosting (also from scratch) and we all went on a picnic. We made sandwiches to take along. The boys had fun climbing the tree and running around. They tried flying a kite but it was too windy. The wind died down enough so I could light her candle and we sang (half-heartedly) happy birthday but the wind blew out the candle before we could finish. Surprisingly I didn't cry at all that wknd or her day. I just wanted to do something fun as a family on her birthday. 

dandywarhol

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on October 28th of last year too.  

I've been struggling with how to mark the anniversary of her birth and haven't really come up with anything too great. I'm not judging others but the birthday party idea doesn't really work for me or my beliefs. We're much more low-key and private in our loss.  

DH and I purchased a red oak tree and will be planting it on my parents' property on the 28th. DH and I will also be spending the weekend in NYC as a chance to get away and do something special.

 

may2806

dandywarhol:

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on October 28th of last year too.  

I've been struggling with how to mark the anniversary of her birth and haven't really come up with anything too great. I'm not judging others but the birthday party idea doesn't really work for me or my beliefs. We're much more low-key and private in our loss.  

DH and I purchased a red oak tree and will be planting it on my parents' property on the 28th. DH and I will also be spending the weekend in NYC as a chance to get away and do something special.

 

Hi Dandywarhol, I remembered that we shared the same loss day. I'm so sorry to also see that you lost Evie, how unbelievably sad and unfair ((HUGS)). I hope that you have a peaceful weekend with your DH for Oct 28. I will be thinking of you.

AmyG2b

We had our families over for lunch. Instead of birthday presents, everyone brought 10 small items for babies in the NICU (Ellie stayed two days there). We packed canvas bags with things like mittens, socks, bows, stuffed animals, etc., and everyone wrote a card to a NICU family. It was very nice, and I felt like we did some good in my daughter's honor. 

careyalis

I am so sorry for your loss.  We plan on having a birthday party for Avery at her one year mark.  We will attend mass in her honor with close friends and family, go to the cemetery to sing happy birthday and do a balloon release, and then probably go out to dinner and eat birthday cake.  I also plan on doing a teddy bear drive to donate bears to Molly Bears in her honor. 

dandywarhol

may2806:

dandywarhol:

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on October 28th of last year too.  

I've been struggling with how to mark the anniversary of her birth and haven't really come up with anything too great. I'm not judging others but the birthday party idea doesn't really work for me or my beliefs. We're much more low-key and private in our loss.  

DH and I purchased a red oak tree and will be planting it on my parents' property on the 28th. DH and I will also be spending the weekend in NYC as a chance to get away and do something special.

 

Hi Dandywarhol, I remembered that we shared the same loss day. I'm so sorry to also see that you lost Evie, how unbelievably sad and unfair ((HUGS)). I hope that you have a peaceful weekend with your DH for Oct 28. I will be thinking of you.

Thank you for your kind words, may2806. I'll be thinking of you on the 28th as well.  {{hugs}}