How do I relax about the mess?

TriciaChick

I feel like I am in a constant game of "catch up."  As soon as I get home, I stat cleaning up toys, crumbs etc.  Within an hour it's messy again yet I feel anxious that if I dont keep up with it as it happens the mess will get completely overwhelming.  I am really crabby when I feel the house is messy and I know I snap at the kids/dh more.  I feel it is hard to sit down and play with them when there are toys/clutter everywhere.  I feel like I should be cleaning instead and feel horribly guilty about this.  How do I relax (reilize I have 3 soon to be 4 kids) and allow a little clutter in my life so I can enjoy my family more?

kcisthebombdotcom

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

numeria11

Honestly for me it's been a couple things:

Accept that you have a kid and your house just isn't going to be perfect

Talk to your kids and your DH and set ground rule.  For our two and 1/2 year old that's if you get 2 toys out you need to put 1 away before any more come out or the toys get put away by mom (meaning they go away for a while).  She helps clear her space at the table or put her glass in the sink. She still needs prompting but it leaves me free to grab other stuff or to start setting that example now.  For my DH it's I need you to do X,Y and Z and setting a specific timeline (during her nap can you throw in a load of laundry, etc).  You are not alone in your house making the mess so you shouldn't be alone in picking it up.

Hire a cleaning lady to come in every 5-6 weeks to do a good through cleaning if you can afford it.  It leaves you feeling refreshed and it's easier to fight the battle again.  Plus it's good because you can tell your kids/DH hey we need to pick up the clutter the cleaning lady is coming over. 

seahorse102410

Hire a service?  I am being serious.  Some things are just worth it.  If you need a clean house for your sanity then maybe this is something you should look in to.  Might be worth it to cut back on something else in order to feel better.

kmm2150

I have the same stress and I only have one kid so don't feel bad! How old are your kids? Could a little clean up be something that you incorporate into your evening routine not that they'll get the house spotless, but maybe if all of you spent a few minutes tidying up it would help you feel better. It helps me to set a time limit and clean all I can in say, 20 minutes, and what I don't get to can wait, and then just trying to keep on top of things as we go dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper, etc..

I think you just have to do the they are only little once thing and know that eventually it'll get easier.

jess60

KC_13:

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

This was my first thought as well & what works with my 2 year old.

 

jess60

Scout2005:

The other thing that has helped is a really easy to use toy storage system; we have this one from Target:

 https://www.target.com/p/kidkraft-sort-it-store-it-bin-espresso/-/A-13939792#prodSlot=large_1_9

I just bought one of these for $20 on craigslist last week.  We love it.

shadypines

Scout2005:

Part of it really is just accepting that there will be clutter. What's that saying, cleaning with kids is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.

The other thing that has helped is a really easy to use toy storage system; we have this one from Target:

 https://www.target.com/p/kidkraft-sort-it-store-it-bin-espresso/-/A-13939792#prodSlot=large_1_9

We actually have two of them, and two low bookshelves, in the play room and toys just get tossed in there at the end of the day. Clean up takes five minutes, and we're done. 

I have my priorities at the end of the day: kitchen clean, no laundry left in the washer (dryer is whatever), garbage out, toys mostly picked up. Other than that, I get to what I can and if I'd rather have a glass of wine and turn in early, okay. I refuse to let my house stress me out. 

This was a sanity saver for us.

myself1nme

We are terrible about cleaning up the house during the week.  By time I get home from picking LO up from daycare and get home it's 6:30 and I am ready for bed by 9/10.  We have started setting a timer for 15 min. after dinner and just spending that time cleaning/tidying up.  The first time we did it I looked at the timer thinking it should be going off any second now and it had only been 6 min!  Perhaps you could impliment this as a family activity/rule.  Then if you start to get stressed about the mess, try to keep in mind that everyone will be pitching in for 15min. at XX time.

FezzesAreCool

I only clean up during naptimes and after bedtime.  Any other attempts to clean (except for gross messes like food or milk) is an exercise in futility.

I've accepted that and I look forward to my clean house every night. 

FrickandFrack

I always make DS pick up whatever toy he is done playing with before we move on.  Sometimes I get a little lax and then it's a cluster. 

numeria11

kmm2150:

I have the same stress and I only have one kid so don't feel bad! How old are your kids? Could a little clean up be something that you incorporate into your evening routine not that they'll get the house spotless, but maybe if all of you spent a few minutes tidying up it would help you feel better. It helps me to set a time limit and clean all I can in say, 20 minutes, and what I don't get to can wait, and then just trying to keep on top of things as we go dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper, etc.. I think you just have to do the they are only little once thing and know that eventually it'll get easier.

I saw someone mention something similar on here the other day, make it 15-20 minutes whatever put on some good music and make it family cleaning time that way everyone is pitching in helping for a solid 20 minutes.  You would be amazed what 5 people can accomplish in that time even the little ones.  You can make it a sort of competition if you want as well (who can get their tasks done fastest).  DD's also all about "helping" clean so I let her do stuff like "play" with the swiffer sweeper, I shorten the handle down to her size, plop a dry cloth on it and let her go to town.  Is it perfect?  No but she can pick up quite a bit of dirt/pet hair before she gets bored with helping. 

FezzesAreCool

EllaHella:

IrishCoffee7:

jess60:

KC_13:

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

This was my first thought as well & what works with my 2 year old.

 

LOL my first thought was does your 2 year old do the laundry and dishes and clean the baseboards too? 

I feel like toddler toys are the least of my issues.  And her reference to crumbs.  Oh, the crumbs.  And jelly fingerprints on windows.  And buttery chair backs. 

DS doesn't wipe those up yet.

Hand that child a paper towel.  DS loves to clean his mess.  I owe that one to daycare.  They have the kids wipe down their spot at the table.

Yuppers.  Our youngest will go get her own towels from the dishtowel drawer to clean up spills and messes.  give her a paper towel with some windex or vinegar/water on it and she will clean the windows. 

kcisthebombdotcom

EllaHella:

IrishCoffee7:

jess60:

KC_13:

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

This was my first thought as well & what works with my 2 year old.

 

LOL my first thought was does your 2 year old do the laundry and dishes and clean the baseboards too? 

I feel like toddler toys are the least of my issues.  And her reference to crumbs.  Oh, the crumbs.  And jelly fingerprints on windows.  And buttery chair backs. 

DS doesn't wipe those up yet.

Hand that child a paper towel.  DS loves to clean his mess.  I owe that one to daycare.  They have the kids wipe down their spot at the table.

Gotta agree with Ella here. Kids even at 2 can do simple chores like wiping up their mess and picking up toys.

jess60

KC_13:

EllaHella:

IrishCoffee7:

jess60:

KC_13:

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

This was my first thought as well & what works with my 2 year old.

 

LOL my first thought was does your 2 year old do the laundry and dishes and clean the baseboards too? 

I feel like toddler toys are the least of my issues.  And her reference to crumbs.  Oh, the crumbs.  And jelly fingerprints on windows.  And buttery chair backs. 

DS doesn't wipe those up yet.

Hand that child a paper towel.  DS loves to clean his mess.  I owe that one to daycare.  They have the kids wipe down their spot at the table.

This!  Anytime DS gets a hold of a paper towel, washcloth or even a baby wipe, he loves to wipe the table off with it.

kj07

EllaHella:

IrishCoffee7:

jess60:

KC_13:

I would make your kids clean up the toys they were playing with before they move onto other toys.

 

This was my first thought as well & what works with my 2 year old.

 

LOL my first thought was does your 2 year old do the laundry and dishes and clean the baseboards too? 

I feel like toddler toys are the least of my issues.  And her reference to crumbs.  Oh, the crumbs.  And jelly fingerprints on windows.  And buttery chair backs. 

DS doesn't wipe those up yet.

Hand that child a paper towel.  DS loves to clean his mess.  I owe that one to daycare.  They have the kids wipe down their spot at the table.

I love daycare.  DS spilled some water at a birthday party 2 weeks ago.  I got him a paper towel to help clean up the puddle and his classmate Rebecca cheered him on as he cleaned up the puddle.

To OP - for the crumbs and stuff, limit eating to the kitchen/dining room and don't bother cleaning up until all food/drink time is done.  For toys - get the kids involved with putting things away.  My son also loves to 'help' me dust; he uses a damp paper towel while I use a pledge wipe.  I might have to tidy up over his section (the lower shelves) but it's more about getting him involved and used to chores so that it's routine when he's older.

kcisthebombdotcom

EllaHella:

KC_13:

Gotta agree with Ella here. Kids even at 2 can do simple chores like wiping up their mess and picking up toys.

I'm waiting till he's 5 to send him up the ladder to the gutters.

He's not doing that already? Girl, you gotta get working on those gross motor skills and get him up that ladder.

TriciaChick

Thank you all so much for your relpies!  We actually have a cleaning lady once a month.  It is amazing....but as you can see I still get anxious lol.  I love the toy organizer that was posted!!  I will get one.

I do have the boys clean up their toys but as others mentioned the crumbs, smudges, streaks and fingerprints/peed on toilet seats are another story.  That is my deal.  I need to have it done right if it's getting done lol.

Thank you all again...it helps to know thers are going through the same thing!

ridesbuttons

If you figure it out, can you tell my husband? Because seriously, all day, particularly on the weekends, we clean.  We do yardwork, we do laundry, we constantly pick up, tidy and clean.   

The upside: house is always company-ready. The downside: we can't just 'be' at home. Perhaps you could allow the clutter to exist in certain areas (kids rooms/playroom) and maintain the adult areas to your satisfaction. That might help.

ETA: I am kind of a Nazi about food.  Eating happens in the kitchen/at the table only.  Outside ok as well.  Kids do not take food into their rooms, they don't snack while they watch tv, they don't walk around with drinks. 

And, to add to this, I declare the kitchen to be closed after meal times and snacks.  It keeps the kids from constantly asking for food/snacks or just going and helping themselves.  I literally tell my boys "the kitchen is now closed until (name next eating period here)".  It helps.

KLMFBP3

Have hoarders playing in the background, that takes the guilt away of feeling like you are not keeping up on things


I have 3 kids, 2, 4, 6 my 2 oldest are boys, who do not clean up after them selves...ever. if I have to tell them more then twice to pick it up, and I have to pick it up, its mine...which means it either goes to goodwill or I keep it from them for a while. I obvi don't want to give away their good toys books etc. Away..but if its rinky dink toy they donate it to goodwill and I make them put it I'm the box. So when I say help me clean, they pick it up usually on the first ask.

My 6 y/o just started getting real chores. Taking bathroom garbage out and dusting all tables that have 4 legs he's doing well with it..but sometimes your house will just be dirty and that's why I watch hoarders

klondikebar

I have duplicates of all of my cleaning supplies. I do have a cleaning lady, but there is always spot cleaning to do and messes. I find it's easier if each room has a supply bucket so you aren't running back and forth. A whole bathroom can be freshened up with clorox wipes. I have a tub of homemade premoistened towels to wipe spots off of walls, chairs, doors etc.

gimmietimmies

What mess? I see nothing!

stdldb29

When I get home from work, DS's homework comes out (DH does that usually unless he is out of town), I unpack lunch boxes and DD plays. I cook dinner while the kids play. Before dinner is about to be ready, the kids clean up their toys.We eat, then bath time. Normally DH or myself will clean the kitchen while the other one gives the kids a bath. We read books after bath, and then bed.

DS and DD (4 and 2) both take their shoes off right when they come in, back packs go straight to their closets (by them) and shoes go straight to their closets.  We don't go to bed with dirty dishes or anything out of place. Laundry is done when it needs to be done and we both pitch in and fold it together.   We have had this routine for nearly 4 years, so it works well for us. 

Also, DS is responsible for bringing his and DD's laundry in to the laundry room and putting it in the washer, gathering trash from his room, restrooms, and office, as well as clearing the table of his dishes and setting the table.  

I will also add that DS started bringing his laundry in when he was 2, DD helps him most of the time as well. DD also helps unload the dishwasher--we don't really call any of that "chores" because it has to be done in our home and if you want to eat off clean dishes or have clean clothes....you help. 

 Those are the things that matter to me, does the tub being a little dingy bother me? No. But books out of place do---so, pick what bugs you, make that a priority and let something else go.