New here - first steps?

MrsMcC.10409

Hello all! I hope you don't mind me peeking in. Due to IF, DH and I have been having the beginning discussions about adoption. If we go that route, it will be a state funded domestic infant adoption. I plan on visiting the two agencies I have heard good things about to request more information, and look to see if they offer informational/orientation classes. Are there any other specific resources you recommend?

I appreciate your help, and I hope you don't mind if I do some lurking around here. Most of my IF history is in my siggy, but the basics are that DH and I have been married for 3 years, just bought our first home, have unexplained IF, and failed IUI#1. I am pretty well decided at this point that I'd rather put my emotional investments into adoption, DH is still processing.

Thanks again in advance!

CaptainSerious

Hi, and welcome!  There's lots of information in the FAQ's at the top of the board, so you'll probably want to check that out.

I'm not sure what you mean by a "state funded domestic infant adoption."  Do you mean adopting an infant from foster care?  I'm not sure of any other types of adoption in which the prospective adoptive parents don't have to pay the costs themselves.

MrsMcC.10409

Thanks! I will read through them. I should have looked for a link like that!

I may have the terminology wrong, it's just what the friend telling me about it called it. Maybe it is adopting from foster care, I have a lot of learning to do about the proper ins and outs of adoption.

CaptainSerious

No worries!  I just wanted to be clear on what path you were talking about, because adopting from foster care (or foster to adopt) is a bit different than domestic infant adoption.

The children in care are there because their parents can't adequately take care of them, and the system's primarily purpose is to help those families be reunited.  That means that the children's parents will have chances to get the help they need and get their lives back on track so they can raise their children, and it also means that you may have children in your home that will be reunited with their families.  It can be a very difficult process.

You can choose to only foster children whose parental rights are already terminated (which means they are available for adoption and are not "legal-risk"), but this may result in a much longer wait, especially since you are seeking to adopt an infant.  In some places, I believe you can adopt waiting children from foster care without fostering first, but this is not usually an option for families wishing to adopt a baby.

If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask.  We're all happy to help!

MrsMcC.10409

What we're leaning towards is fostering/adopting children whose parental rights have already been terminated. I know the wait for this is potentially much longer, but we're more willing to risk that then risk having to give a child back. That's how we feel today though. If I've learned anything through the TTC/IF journey it's that you never know what you're going to decide until the moment actually comes.

Thank you for your responses. Even though I've been on these boards for a few years now, I feel like a newb again!

DaisyZH

Welcome to the board!!  I believe we are doing a similar program as you, we are looking to adopt a waiting child from foster care who has had parental rights terminated. 

I will say in our state at least that none of these children would be infants, the youngest I have seen are nearly a year old.  Also, again at least in my area most very young children have some type of special need or may have an unknown prognosis - ie some type of genetic illness or traumatic event are confirmed but the effects aren't known yet since the child is so young. 

The wait can be long and unpredictable, we have a young son so we will be looking for a child under 2 or 3 so our plan is to be available on the waiting list, raising our age limit as DS gets older and if after a few years we have not received a placement we will become foster parents and do foster-to-adopt once DS is in kindergarten or pre-school.

Also just to clarify I don't mean to say that there is definately not a program for infants in your area, there may very well be, this is just based on my personal experience, I know each state can vary quite a lot.

I hope this helps, welcome again!!

CaptainSerious

If you will only be open to children who's parental rights are already terminated, it is important to recognize that it is highly unlikely a healthy infant will become available.  First, it takes time for the parent's rights to be terminated.  During that time, the child is usually placed in a foster home.  In most states, the foster parents are given first priority when the child becomes available for adoption.  If the foster family does not wish to pursue the adoption, the child then becomes available for adoption (or a waiting child) to other licensed families.  Since the foster families are given priority, it is not often that children without significant special needs become available for adoption by other families.

I adopted two older children with special needs (although internationally), so I'm not trying to in any way suggest that this is a bad path to take, but I think you should know that realistically, adopting an infant from foster care without opening yourselves up to legal risk likely means the children that will become available may have significant special needs.