Recovery time and Christmas

mejane123

Hi, ladies. I'm a FTM with an EDD in the first week of December. Every year, DH and I join my family for Christmas Eve at my Grandmothers with the rest of my family, which is about two hours away. It's the one thing I look forward to all year because its the only time the whole family is together, so I had a question about recovery time.

If I go on timeish, within the first two weeks of December or so, do you think I'll be ok for travel by then? I don't know anything about the healing process, other than the amount of time I'll be bleeding, etc. I'm worried I'll be too uncomfortable or in pain to travel that far and be sociable, but this is going to be the first time I'll get to introduce LO to the family.

How did you ladies feel in the two weeks or so postpartum? The latest I'd deliver, if I max out at two weeks late, would be the 21st. Also, how do you think the baby will be? I know they sleep a lot when they're that young, but is that too soon for a long car trip like that?

Sorry for all the questions, and I really appreciate any thoughts!

penguingrrl

I was up for going 1-2 hours away immediately. My kids didn't love the car (read: screamed nonstop) but we would speak in soothing voices and make sure they were warm, dry and comfortably fed before we left and dealt with it for things that were important. When necessary I would pull over and hug them for a bit and I was constantly making sure they were comfortable, but I personally would make it to Christmas. Your husband may need to do the  driving depending on how you're feeling (I'm usually our driver, so that's a change for us) but otherwise you should be fine!

heyitsme

I was due 12/2 with my son and he came on 11/29. As far as how I was FEELING, I think I would've been OK to go to someone's house by Christmas. (We stayed home in our jammies all day.) BUT we were struggling a lot with breastfeeding in those early weeks. So I'm not sure how it would've panned out--you know, being all dressed for the festivities but then having to figure out nursing in a different place, etc.

 I think it's unique to any situation. Do you need to RSVP? Or can you play it by ear? 

MrsSR

I had a c-section and although I had a pretty easy recovery, I would not want to have been in the car for that long.

I say play it by ear.

MrsWindyCity

Physically, I was fine to go somewhere at about 2 weeks, despite a horrible tear. That said, I couldn't go 2 hours away by then for other reasons, like my hormones were insane, we were having BFing issues (and DS was eating ALL the time at that age) so I wouldn't have really been the most social person.  It depends so much on each individual's situation.

tarebear9891

As long as there are no complications for you or the baby I don't see why you couldn't.

mejane123

heyitsme:

I was due 12/2 with my son and he came on 11/29. As far as how I was FEELING, I think I would've been OK to go to someone's house by Christmas. We stayed home in our jammies all day. BUT we were struggling a lot with breastfeeding in those early weeks. So I'm not sure how it would've panned outyou know, being all dressed for the festivities but then having to figure out nursing in a different place, etc.nbsp;I think it's unique to any situation. Do you need to RSVP? Or can you play it by ear?nbsp;

It's a play it by ear thing. I could show up in my pajamas if I wanted to, it's a really comfy and laid back family gathering. We could decide the day of if we're up for going.

I hadn't really thought about breast feeding. If I have a lot of issues with it, I may want to skip just because I won't want to be stressing about that, plus if each time I feed takes forever, it'd keep me away from the family, anyway.

DH always drives, so that wouldn't be an issue. I could always ride in the back if need be. Ideally we'd leave when LO goes down for a nap, but I realize that may be overly optimistic for a newborn.

It's annoying because I can't even talk to my mother about this. The way she remembers it, her pregnancy was painless and stressfree, and she was aok immediately after. The last time I brought this up, she basically told me to suck it up. Sooo, I don't talk to her about these things anymore. Fortunately the rest of my family isn't at all like that.

hopecounts

there's no way to know.m2 weeks put from my c/s I was barely getting around and DD was barely sleeping and nursing every 2-2.5 hrs, but a friend of mine had an easy delivery and baby and was at target on the way home from the hospital with no problems.

you coukd have an easy delivery and be feeling great but have a baby who is nursing all the time (which is not unusual) or you could both be doing great, or you could have a rough delivery but baby is easy.

i'd say just tell them that you want to be there and if you can be there you will. they should understand that you won't know how things sre going to go until baby gets here. 

penguingrrl

I'm sorry your family is not being understanding. The first few weeks of breastfeeding can be a bit stressful, but mostly in that the baby wants on you a lot. If it's a laid back, you can show up in pjs, thing then I would think nobody would be put off by you nursing around them (using a cover or blanket if you're/they're more comfortable). I will also say not to let anxiety about the stress of starting BFing stop you from BFing if you want to (I'll end there since that's not the point of your post, but please feel free to ask more on this if you're interested, I've done both and found BFing much easier long term).

As far as leaving at nap time, that can be dicey. Many newborns aren't really on a schedule yet, so it may be what time they napped yesterday but that might not matter. But most kids (mine were odd) fall asleep the minute the car starts moving so it may give your baby a great nap before seeing family.

Arnegard

I was at a family Christmas party when DD2 was 5 days old.  I guess I'd do it.  Have fun!

EVM1216

I gave birth on 12/16 and we could have traveled the 2 hours by Christmas, but DD was bfing every 3 hours, and sometimes she'd be latched on for 45 min-1 hour.  I spent a large part of Christmas locked in our bedroom b/c I wasn't comfortable bfing in front of the IL yet.  Now a week later at New Years our feeding routine was much different, and it would have been less of an issue. 

GL

mejane123

penguingrrl:

I'm sorry your family is not being understanding. The first few weeks of breastfeeding can be a bit stressful, but mostly in that the baby wants on you a lot. If it's a laid back, you can show up in pjs, thing then I would think nobody would be put off by you nursing around them using a cover or blanket if you're/they're more comfortable. I will also say not to let anxiety about the stress of starting BFing stop you from BFing if you want to I'll end there since that's not the point of your post, but please feel free to ask more on this if you're interested, I've done both and found BFing much easier long term.As far as leaving at nap time, that can be dicey. Many newborns aren't really on a schedule yet, so it may be what time they napped yesterday but that might not matter. But most kids mine were odd fall asleep the minute the car starts moving so it may give your baby a great nap before seeing family.

The stress def won't stop me from BFing. I'll do everything in my power to be successful before giving up. I guess I was just thinking more about the amount of time away from family if it's still difficult for me.

I didn't even think about the car ride being soothing for the LO, and it's a mainly highway trip, so there won't be a lot of stops and starts unless we hit traffic, obv. It'd be perfect of he or she slept the whole way and was rested when we got there.

Oooh, that's the other thing that could be a problem. The beds in her guest rooms are all those giant air beds. They're not terribly comfortable. I'm a little worried that that will prevent me from getting decent sleep if I'm already in pain from delivery. I've been told at that point I'll be able to sleep on rocks and not have problems. Is that true for most?

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penguingrrl

mejane123:

penguingrrl:

I'm sorry your family is not being understanding. The first few weeks of breastfeeding can be a bit stressful, but mostly in that the baby wants on you a lot. If it's a laid back, you can show up in pjs, thing then I would think nobody would be put off by you nursing around them using a cover or blanket if you're/they're more comfortable. I will also say not to let anxiety about the stress of starting BFing stop you from BFing if you want to I'll end there since that's not the point of your post, but please feel free to ask more on this if you're interested, I've done both and found BFing much easier long term.As far as leaving at nap time, that can be dicey. Many newborns aren't really on a schedule yet, so it may be what time they napped yesterday but that might not matter. But most kids mine were odd fall asleep the minute the car starts moving so it may give your baby a great nap before seeing family.

The stress def won't stop me from BFing. I'll do everything in my power to be successful before giving up. I guess I was just thinking more about the amount of time away from family if it's still difficult for me. I didn't even think about the car ride being soothing for the LO, and it's a mainly highway trip, so there won't be a lot of stops and starts unless we hit traffic, obv. It'd be perfect of he or she slept the whole way and was rested when we got there. Oooh, that's the other thing that could be a problem. The beds in her guest rooms are all those giant air beds. They're not terribly comfortable. I'm a little worried that that will prevent me from getting decent sleep if I'm already in pain from delivery. I've been told at that point I'll be able to sleep on rocks and not have problems. Is that true for most?

I can understand all the anxiety, but I would plan on going and cancel last minute if you're not up for it. I was sleeping on an air mattress at my mom's for 3 weeks after DD1 was born (DH and I moved away three weeks before I was due, so I stayed behind to deliver the baby and didn't join him until I felt up to driving) and it wasn't awful. I will say my mom got a frame for it, which helped a lot since getting down to a low air mattress would have been tough. I would imagine if you made a few small requests like that people will be happy to help if it gets you guys there for Christmas (I know my family gladly would).

While the baby may spend a lot of time nursing and sleeping, the sleeping can be done in grandma's arms or with his/her aunts and uncles which will give you a bit of a break (and maybe a nap too!)!

pepomntpat

Play it by ear. Don't make any promises. I know my MIL was a total witch about Thanksgiving, so I get it. She was completely unreasonable asking for weeks if we were coming or not. What part of I don't know didn't she understand? DD was due on the 12th. If she'd been on time we'd have made it, but she didn't come until the 22nd and I had a c/s, came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving and picked up food from Boston Market on the way. It just wasn't in the cards. 

quidditchcapn1120

I went back to school parttime at 1 week and then fulltime plus work at 2 weeks. My drive to school was around an hour and I never had a problem. The only thing that was hard was pumping 45x a day at school/work that early. I will say I had a vaginal birth with only a second degree tear so I think it really depends on the type of birth you have.


That's physically, though. I was still a mess emotionally at two weeks I think. I could function at home and work fine but I was really just in "fake it to make it" mode. Keep that in mind when making plans. Good luck!

FleursOfPhire

MrsWindyCity:

Physically, I was fine to go somewhere at about 2 weeks, despite a horrible tear. That said, I couldn't go 2 hours away by then for other reasons, like my hormones were insane, we were having BFing issues (and DS was eating ALL the time at that age) so I wouldn't have really been the most social person.  It depends so much on each individual's situation.

This. Physically I was fine but emotionally I couldn't really handle going many places besides the pedi's office, etc. DS was either on the boob or he was screaming for the first 6 weeks of his life. I thought I'd never see the light of day again at times!  Okay, I'm being dramatic, but really, we really avoided going anywhere with him for a month or two because he was so discontent all the time. 

klondikebar

I really think it's a game time call. I had one bad recovery and two great ones. I had two awesome eaters/sleepers and one unmanageable baby. I don't have any great advice other than to play it by ear. You may be feeling great and wanting to show off the new arrival.

sunandsand

I wouldnt go. Plus, we told our family now that we have kids, we spend xmas day at home. Start our own traditions. 

mejane123

Thanks for all the advice, ladies, I really appreciate it!  Eventually we'll start our own traditions, but this has been a tradition for so long now, and it's one DH and I really enjoy because, of all the sides of our family (there are 4 due to step families), this one is the most relaxed and crazy/stress-free, so it's a surprisingly relaxing holiday get-together.  It only ends up being 10 people, max, and the house is really big, so we're not all cramped and I'd definitely have privacy if I need it.  I'm just concerned about myself, physically and mentally, the baby, and DH's frame of mind.  He won't be healing physically, but it'll be a big change for him mentally, so I definitely want to take that into consideration, as well.  

I know every birth is different, but I was looking for a general idea of what to expect.  Thanks again for all the help/advice!

chardonnay24

My recovery was very easy. I didn't need anything stronger than Advil for the first couple days and by the time I left the hospital, I was completely fine. I also had a newborn that slept a lot, only waking every 3 hours or so to eat.

I would have been completely fine to take the trip but you never know. You could have a really tough delivery and a baby who needs to be held and cries all the time. Can you tentatively plan to go and let everyone know it depends on how everything goes?

Wannalitter

I agree with deciding after birth. Physically i could handled the drive finr but being in another house for hours would be too much for me. Nursing was still hard and took forever. Plus baby was still waking during the night so much i was not in a state to socialize for.more than a few minutes/day. And the packing would have overwhelmed me. Plus i would have been worried about exposure to germs at that age. I'm kind of lazy though and like things easy. If its really important to you, do you think tbey could delay by a couple weeks to make it easier for you to attend? For me there was a huge difference between 2 weeks and 1all month.

Littledeer84

I had DD on 12/7. Had a long labor, vaginal birth. Breastfeeding was exhausting. My parents visited us for Christmas, and pressured me into going up to visit a cousin 3 hours away, a few days after Christmas. It didnt kill me, but I wouldnt do it again. I was worried about feeding DD, and was just not up for visiting for long periods of time with family. We ended up spending about 6 hrs in the car for a 3 hour visit that day, and my H and I were very frustrated and tired in the end. Here I am almost 2 years later, and I still regret it!

Everyone is different, but I would not reccommend it.

nosoup4u

Ugh. I dunno. As a FTM, I don't think I'd be up for it, assuming your baby would be two weeks old at Xmas. Though you would have help once you reached your destination! Parenthood was 1000x harder than I thought it would be,quire frankly...