Struggling...

mae0111

I've been struggling a lot recently, and not sure if this is a vent/looking for advice/looking for encouragement/looking for a kick in the rear to get my mind in the right place...

Work has been difficult since January.  We had a huge reorg, and my boss just announced a second reorg - no additional layoffs, just that the current organization isn't working.  This has been positive for my career, but there's just so much work and so many challenges.  My colleagues and good friends are not seeing positive results out of this reorg, and folks are miserable - even crying regularly at work.

We hired a new nanny on Monday, and DD is not adjusting well.  At all.  Screaming, crying, complete meltdowns - not at ALL like her.  She's clinging to me and tearing at me as I leave, or if I WAH, she screams and cries until I come up to calm her down.  The nanny is doing her best, but it's been really hard.

I'm going to be working a lot and traveling over the next couple of weeks, and I just feel awful leaving DD even more when she's having a hard time.  Nothing can be moved or postponed. 

I'm feeling more and more that work isn't worth it to me, and that I just want to be with DD.  I'm no longer fulfilled at work, and I just hate that she's been so sad lately.  Financially, we could do it now, but for a lot of reasons, it's better that I keep working for a few more years. 

I'm sure the pregnancy hormones aren't helping, but I'm just feeling awful about 90% of things in my life right now... ever feel like you're not doing anything well???

KathrynMD

I would like to give you a virtual hug

Is there a way you could make the transitions in the morning easier - like leave early and then your DH could stay for the hand off to the nanny? 

Can you take a day or two off and get your head around things?  Have you asked DD why she's so upset?  Can you give her a job to do while you are gone (take care of somethign special of yours?) or something of yours to hold when she's sad, etc.

I'll bet your DD is feeding off some of your anxiety - so I would try to see if you can try to minimize it. 

mae0111

KathrynMD:

I would like to give you a virtual hug

Is there a way you could make the transitions in the morning easier - like leave early and then your DH could stay for the hand off to the nanny? 

Can you take a day or two off and get your head around things?  Have you asked DD why she's so upset?  Can you give her a job to do while you are gone (take care of somethign special of yours?) or something of yours to hold when she's sad, etc.

I'll bet your DD is feeding off some of your anxiety - so I would try to see if you can try to minimize it. 

Thank you for the hug, and for the good advice.

I'm taking a 1/2 day today, and plan on taking some time at the tail end of the messy next couple of weeks.  Between my annual off-sites, my travel, and DH's travel, it's too tough right now.  I've also been looking for opportunities to switch with DH so he can do the "hand-off", but there's not shot in the next couple of weeks.  I did work an extra day at home this week, and that helped a bit. 

When I ask her why she's sad, she just says that she misses me and wants to be with me.  I've been asking her to make me a "project" while she's at preschool or home with the nanny, and she does, and I make a HUGE deal about the projects when I get home.  When DH gets home, she's happy.  She's just putting on the show for me, I guess... lucky me...

Thanks again!

azuremama

I'm sorry things are tough lately. It's hard now, but your DD will probably adjust to the new nanny soon and things will be better in a few weeks. I definitely have those weeks where everything seems awful and like it will never get better. I think you said you were pg. Maybe your DD is reacting to that somehow? My son went through horrible clinginess when I was pg. We had the worst daycare dropoffs ever--the teachers would have to pull him off of me while he was crying. I don't know what it was, but it was really upsetting to me. He was much better after the baby arrived, for whatever reason.

KathrynMD

Can you try some kind of a reward for keeping it together in the mornings?  I'm constantly shocked at how well DD responds to tangible rewards - like a sticker or just making a star on the whiteboard.  If you throw in a Barbie, hot chocolate date @ Starbucks on Saturday, bike ride AT the playground - its a slam dunk 95% of the time.

mylittlesunshine

azuremama:

I think you said you were pg. Maybe your DD is reacting to that somehow? My son went through horrible clinginess when I was pg. We had the worst daycare dropoffs ever--the teachers would have to pull him off of me while he was crying. I don't know what it was, but it was really upsetting to me. He was much better after the baby arrived, for whatever reason.

That is funny....I had the exact same problem when I was pregnant with DD2. DD1 was HORRIBLE when it was time to drop off. Every. Single. Day. she had a meltdown.

Maybe you could look at a different job after your next baby arrives? Or start applying now?

mae0111

Thanks again everyone.  We haven't told DD about the baby yet (almost 18 weeks) but it's very possible that she senses something is going on.  I'm going to try more rewards and promises of special time together.  I bought her a Hot Wheels car yesterday because the nanny said she did really well after I left. 

As far as looking for another job, I've struggled with that, too.  I'm fairly well-compensated at my current job.  My salary is low, but I got a 50% bonus last year.  In the asset management industry lately, that's pretty good.  I also WFH 2 days a week, and tons of flexibility.  My boss is of the mindset that as long as you get it done, you can kind of do what you want.  I have friends at other firms all over the city, and no one has an arrangement like this.  Things have just been so transitional for the past 10 months that it's wearing on me.  It used to be worth it to put in the crazy hours and miss DD, because I loved it.  I don't love it anymore.  I suppose it can't hurt to look, though...