Normal acting out or behavioral problems? Please help...

cs1007

I am not sure if DS is acting out as a normal 3 year old, who also happens to have a new sibling, or if he has a 'behavioral problem'. Some days I feel like he does everything in his power to push my buttons. Every day I tell myself it will get better/I will do my best to be patient/calm, etc....Then he starts...

The moment he does not get 100% attention/get his way he throws things, hits or swats his hand in the air as if he wants to hit me, throws things-whatever is closest to him, screams at the top of his lungs. He cries when I put him in a time out and says he 'wants to be nice' (???) It just seems like we have these explosive bursts that can last 15 minutes of crying, yelling, tantrums, and then he goes back to being sweet (until he does not get his way again.) He fights EVERYTHING from what he wears, what he eats, washing hands, taking off shoes...it is soo exhausting-not to mention that I have a 4 month old with reflux. I try to remain calm, but it almost always escalates to me yelling, particularly if something is thrown in the direction of the baby-THAT I cannot tolerate. I am at my wits end. I feel like I need anxiety meds to get through this period with him-he is driving me crazy!!!

Please help. Is this normal jealousy/acting out? He does not do this at preschool and only acts this way to me, occassionally DH. Should I try 1-2-3 Magic, or are we beyond that?

eh2006

I have no answers but I literally logged on to write this exact post almost word for word.  My son is almost 3 and my baby is 2 months and I relate to every thing in your post.  Unfortunatley, I have no clue what to do about it either.  I'm at the end of my rope.  Everything is a constant battle and drama.

aglenn

Oh, I have been there....I think it is partly the age and definitely exacerbated by the new sibling.  DD was an absolute terror for the first few months.  We are kind of stabilizing now, but DS is also just getting mobile and I hear that can start up the crazies again when the younger one starts to get into the older one's stuff, etc.  Anyway, two things:

1.  Love & Logic and the Positive Discipline books helped us a lot.  There is also a Positive Discipline app for iPhone with flashcards that is handy to have.

2.  Know that it will get better; you will find your groove.  It is sooooo hard.  Ask for help, take care of yourself, and get together with other moms going through the same thing if you can.  You really need some outlets during this time so you can vent a little.

Hang in there, and know you are not doing anything wrong!  It's just something the older child has to get through and it is totally normal.

Erinmmo

My daughter just turned 2 and I only have her BUT when I held my friends baby about a month or so ago she flipped out, screamed and was so mad until I put the baby down- and it was like I turned off a switch or something bc once the baby was out of my arms she walked away and it was like it never happened. 

So I am thinking since this behavior is with just you- he's acting out with just you.  When my husband held the baby she could care less!

Are you his favorite otherwise? Does he only go to you for things at home usually- like does he want you to put him to bed, etc? 

To help calm you- at least he doesnt do this in school so thats a little less stress.  Maybe just keep telling him over and over how much you love him and how its okay that the baby is there. What if you give him jobs to help you with the baby so he feels just as important? 

I know its gotta be hard- I cant imagine two kids!  I always think I have my handful with one but you will get through it- I honestly think its just the new baby and he is just having trouble handling it.

stever

Can't help, but I think it's normal.

stever

Can't help, but I think it's normal.

Jerayskin

Oh my goodness, we are dealing with the exact same thing!!!!

JoannaJes

123 Magic helped a lot for DS, for things that were obvious no-nos like pushing, throwing things, etc. I was getting so tired of repeating myself for something he knows not to do. And I have totally been there with the little reflux baby to add some extra stress to the mix. 

I think ultimately, I lean towards natural consequences, but there are times when I just want obedience and am not in the position to carry out a natural consequence, i.e. we have to take DD to the doctor and he throws a fit about getting in the car.

Also, I try and focus on giving him a lot of control in other areas. Most of his misbehavior is a desire for control.