DH doesn't wake up when he's on baby duty!

abbyful

We've been trading off sleeping in the guest bedroom. I'm breastfeeding, so I still have to get up to feed baby even when I'm not on baby duty (I do get slightly more sleep because I don't have to change diaper and then get LO back to sleep), but DH gets to have uninterrupted sleep when he's off baby duty. DH gets the guest bedroom at least every other night, often 2 nights in a row; yet DH says he's too tired. (I would love to have even 4-5 hours sleep in a row! I get maybe 3 consecutive hours since baby was born!)

The past couple times it's been DH's turn on baby duty, he doesn't even wake up! Last night, first wake-up of the night (midnight) I heard the baby loudly crying for 5-10 minutes before I went to check, and DH was fast asleep. Poor DS had tears streaming, which I rarely see, and was shaking because he was so upset; I felt bad I didn't come check sooner and was a little ticked off at DH. I woke up DH and asked him to change the diaper while I went to the bathroom really quick before feeding baby; when I came back, DH was back asleep and baby still had a dirty diaper. I changed the diaper, and kicked DH out to go sleep in the guest bedroom and took over baby duty even though it wasn't my turn. 

How can I get DH to wake up?! A baby screaming 18 inches from his face (we have a little co-sleeper basket in the bed) apparently isn't enough! Frustrating!

APendola

I remember when I took evolutionary psychology in university, they talked about some of the differences between men and women.  Women have more sensitivity to high pitched vocal sounds ie. crying.  Men don't have a problem sleeping through it!

My hubby sleeps through it all too.  I'll wake up even when the baby is downstairs with him. 

brunertara

I have to wake up my husband when it is his turn, I feel like I NEVER get to sleep through an entire night either. It is sooo frustrating. I get so mad at him. My husband is in such a deep sleep that when I wake him I have to tell him every little detail to do. i.e.- change his diaper, he is in his crib, give him his pacifier, etc. We even sleep with a video monitor.

And yes he is sooooo very tired too. Sometimes he asks me to help him with just a simple diaper change when its his turn. I don't even wake him when its my night!

I wish I had great advice to offer, but all I do is complain about it till I'm blue in the face. But it never changes anything. 

 

nataliekristin

There isn't much you can do. I am in the same position. DH is a deep sleeper. I take most of the baby duty during the night. I only wake him up if I cannot find the energy to do whatever needs to be done like change a diaper. I have DH help more during the day when he can with chores or to watch baby while I run an errand or clean. remember you arent alone, a lot of women dont have help

weddingnewbie2011

you're definitely not alone. DH is exactly the same way. He always tells me if I need help during the night wake him, but for the effort I need to put in to wake him and the time it takes for him to fully wake himself up, I may as well just get everything done myself. He too doesn't hear the baby cries when he sleeps, I've finally accepted that 

danieliza1127

weddingnewbie2011:

you're definitely not alone. DH is exactly the same way. He always tells me if I need help during the night wake him, but for the effort I need to put in to wake him and the time it takes for him to fully wake himself up, I may as well just get everything done myself. He too doesn't hear the baby cries when he sleeps, I've finally accepted that 

Same here.  I just don't see the point of struggling about it. If I'm getting up to feed the baby anyway, why does he have to get up too just to change a diaper?  It's much quicker and quieter if I just do it all myself.  Changing the diaper only takes a minute when I do it and much longer if I wait for him to get up and out of bed and oriented and all that.  I guess I don't see the point in making him get up just so it's fair.  He helps in other ways during the day and I'm just quicker and more efficient at night.

jrsmama2010

Haha ur lucky to take turns! Ds2 woke up at 2 and 430 this morning and wouldn't go back to sleep. He just ate, spit up and went back to eating for an hour. At 530 my MIL came in and got him so I could get some sleep. I was on the verge of tears and wanted to shove a pillow in my dh's face bc he was sleeping so soundly.

theaterchick1897

DH never woke up once with our DS either. I asked him once to do it and it was so frustrating when he didn't get up and then left the crying baby in the room while he went a prepared bottle and everything. Its just easier for me to do it myself.

twoitalians

It's frustrating and DH and I have gotten into arguments over nightly baby duty. My DH is a night person though, so we've worked it out that he will stay up later to tend to the baby until midnight if necessary and I go to bed earlier. I will get up with the baby between 1am and 6am but at least if I get to bed around 9:30ish I get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. DH will get up after 6am when the baby wakes. That way from midnight to 6 he gets a good stretch of sleep and around 6 his hearing gets a little better too (I think cuz he's gotten more rest). Maybe you could try an arrangement like that? I must say though, neither one of us has gotten the amount of sleep we were used to before DS came. The lack of sleep has brought us both to our wits end and we've gotten at each other, and I've wanted to strangle DH sometimes for not hearing the baby. But things have gotten better since this new shift schedule we adapted. Good luck!

daisy662

My DH doesn't hear him most the time either. He sleeps right through it and snores so loud I am almost certain our neighbors can hear him!

Since I am on Mat Leave and he has to work in the morning, I do all the night feedings. I wouldn't expect him to get up in the middle of the night when I can nap during the day (which I don't do but whatever...)

My concern is when I go back to work. I travel for my job and if I am not home, DH will have to do the overnight feeds and I am worried he won't wake up. Also, my DS has bad reflux and often times I need to get up in the middle of the night to rock him back to sleep because he freaks out if he spits up. This concerns me a great deal...

As far as feedings go though - on the weekends, DH helps and we set alarms. DS is very scheduled and wakes every 4 hours on the dot to eat so I just set my alarm for every 5 hours in case he doesn't cry or if he doesn't wake up. He is formula fed and was a preemie, so we aren't letting him sleep through the night (that is if he would - which he won't...)

Hang in there - when you go from eating every 3 hours to every 4 hours, it is life changing. You will feel like you got your life back!

Gorillakisses15

I agree that DHs do not tend to hear babies at night because of psychological and physiological reasons, but I also think that when you make a conscious effort that you are much more likely to wake up.  It is like when you have a big meeting or interview and you are worried that you will not wake up in time and end up waking up every hour.  Not that you would wish waking up every hour on your DH, but I would make it very clear that he needs to be conscious of your baby.

MrsL0908

MH doesn't hear DD either. He's a very deep sleeper. So instead of fighting it he stays up late with her and I go to bed early. Often, her late night ends up being 1 or 2am (MH is a nigh owl) so I end up sleeping a good 6 hour stretch. Maybe you could try that? 

aishabyron

I totally feel the pain of DH not getting up. To make it worse though, EVERYDAY when DH comes home from work he always says how sleepy he is. He was taking an hour long nap, but I put an end to that. As far as not getting up when it's his night, its a battle that I chose not to fight because in the end someone has to tend to DD and I'd rather do it without being frustrated at DH. Besides when I'm mad or upset, DD can "feel" it and she cries

bearkatjen

DH had problems hearing DS when he was sleeping too. We took shifts, and DH's was for the first part of night, so we would stay up late for DS's last feeding, and then go to sleep, and then I would wake for the early morning feeding, go back to sleep, and then wake for the next feeding. We were each able to get at least 6 hours of sleep with this schedule.

tamararachel2

danieliza1127:

weddingnewbie2011:

you're definitely not alone. DH is exactly the same way. He always tells me if I need help during the night wake him, but for the effort I need to put in to wake him and the time it takes for him to fully wake himself up, I may as well just get everything done myself. He too doesn't hear the baby cries when he sleeps, I've finally accepted that 

Same here.  I just don't see the point of struggling about it. If I'm getting up to feed the baby anyway, why does he have to get up too just to change a diaper?  It's much quicker and quieter if I just do it all myself.  Changing the diaper only takes a minute when I do it and much longer if I wait for him to get up and out of bed and oriented and all that.  I guess I don't see the point in making him get up just so it's fair.  He helps in other ways during the day and I'm just quicker and more efficient at night.

Same here. I think he woke up once in the hospital and it was right after DS2 was circumsized so he screamed so loudly when he peed and my FI shot straight up on the couch and was like WTH?! Other than that, it's just me. I BF anyways and although we do have some milk in the fridge, I find it's better if I just take care of DS2 myself. Plus, he needs sleep since he has to go to work and take DS1 to school before work so I just have him help out when he's home while I either take a nap or get what I need to get done. I just feel that it's my job to to do it. 

chardonnay24

Just lurking here to remind myself that I actually don't want another baby...

Anyway, I still have to wake up H when it's his turn to get up with our 20 month old on weekends. I've never left him alone at night because I'm afraid he won't get up in the morning.

lupineaura

Have him sleep with his cell phone by his head, and if you hear the baby cry from the guest room, call him :