Nanny issue

cindybaf

My nanny doesn't listen to me. She is very good at what she does but tonight reflected what happens when she just does what she wants. I'm tired, have a horrible work week schedule so finding a nanny is a nightmare and I don't know how to handle this. If I tell her how to do something she goes out of her way to prove that I'm wrong so I try avoiding except on a few points I won't budge on. One example is I ask her to cut up hot dogs, and then she doesn't, claiming its better for my 2 yo to learn to bite off her food. This is what we run into every day. She's over feeding my ebf baby, letting my toddler have much longer naps than usual, and not feeding her dinner before I get home after her usual dinner time. She's giving my toddler a huge snack before her nap at 3, lets her sleep 3 hours, then she does not want to eat dinner until 7:30 and She wasn't tired until 9!!! She usually sleeps 2 hours, plays an hour, then eats at 6, goes to bed at 8.
My 3 month old ate so much during the day she didn't want to nurse at night, leaving me to pump. I pump all day long I want to nurse when I'm home! Then the baby woke up at 3 am to eat. She has been sttn for a month. Idk what to do.... The nanny works really hard, does special things for the kids, but has a major problem with listening to me when I've asked her not to give big snacks, or long naps and not to over feed the baby. I even specifically told her to use the bag of thawed BM instead of the fresh milk because the frozen goes bad after 24 hours. She told me yesterday when i brought it up that she didn't need the frozen milk since there was enough fresh. Wth?

shannm

Sounds like you need a different caregiver.  If you don't have time to interview a new nanny, perhaps you could look into a center, take a tour and maybe they have slots?

laurakaz13

Well, I think some things like not cutting the hot dog up are minor and you should just let it go.  But overfeeding, large snacks and not giving dinner on schedule would annoy the crap out of me. 

I think it's time to say that these things are non-negotiable now.  You're fed up and she needs to follow your rules.  Tell her she's on probation and if this doesn't change you will be looking for someone else. 

Or ditto PP, why not a center?  I LOVE my center.  DD is such a social little girl and she has a blast.  Is it a convenience thing to have a nanny? 

LoCarb

You are the employer.  Treat your nanny like the employee.  Talk to her about the issues, give written warnings and discuss consequences.

mae0111

We had some similar issues with our nanny. I would address them, she would be better for a week, and then go back to doing things her way. We finally had to let her go. I realized that this was her personality, and that she wasn't going to change. Sorry to say it, but you probably need to find someone else. 

EastCoastBride

For the fact that she actually seems to be almost defiant w/ your wishes, I would just find someone else.  I don't know that I'd bother w/ giving her a warning, quite honestly.  For her to purposely go against your wishes and tries to prove you wrong, she isn't going to change. 

cindybaf

Dh is against center dc, and the in home dc ive looked into charge 1600 a month per child. We looked at a center and the cost for two is double what a part time nanny is since we need her only three days a week. The problem is the days alternate, the day itself is 8 to seven at night.
The reason why I want to give warning is because I'm guilty of being so particular and I don't want to be so rigid that I will never be able to find someone willing to work for us. I thought at first it was just me but now I see that it's her too.
She's very competent with children and my toder is a very strong willed child. The nanny is trying very hard, the reasons why the toddler didn't have dinner on time was because she had a 3 hour nap and usually plays a bit before eating, and the nanny made something new, she didn't want it, so when I came home I had to fix her something else when she did get hungry. Argh.,,

honeybee111

EastCoastBride:

For the fact that she actually seems to be almost defiant w/ your wishes, I would just find someone else.  I don't know that I'd bother w/ giving her a warning, quite honestly.  For her to purposely go against your wishes and tries to prove you wrong, she isn't going to change. 

I agree with this.  Bottom line, you are the employer and the parent.  You have final say.  If you want the hotdogs cut in pieces, the nanny should just do it.  And honestly, if she's purposely not listening to you because she thinks she's right, I would wonder what other things she's doing that I don't agree with.

EastCoastBride

cindybaf:

The nanny is trying very hard, the reasons why the toddler didn't have dinner on time was because she had a 3 hour nap and usually plays a bit before eating, and the nanny made something new, she didn't want it, so when I came home I had to fix her something else when she did get hungry. Argh.,,

Hold up.  In your OP, you make it sound like this is a regular occurence.  But here, it sounds like a one time issue.  Which is it?

One time issue and she learned her mistake - I can deal with that.  Ongoing issue where she keeps doing it when she knows this isn't how you want it done - she needs to go.

526SadieSadie

Honestly if you told her once or twice and she's still doing her own thing, it's time to tell her that its your way or the highway. 

She should do as you request but have you said "When she has a big snack before her nap xyz happens" and such?  Maybe if you tell her specifically how the schedule is altered for the rest of the day, she'll understand that it's not all the same.

snicksnack

Here is what I do with breast milk I don?t leave thawed bags I put the milk in bottles and those are the bottles my caregiver uses to feed DS; she does not know if they are thawed, fresh etc..  I have extra in the freezer just in case. Maybe that approach will work for you.

 

My toddler I leave food premade for most part with instructions.  So she gets up between 8 and 9 has breakfast right away, plays, goes for a walk etc?, eats lunch between 11 and 12 and then down for a nap.  After nap she has a snack but not large enough to be a meal.  We eat dinner as a family between 6 and 7 and she is in bed by 9.  It will change to 8 once clocks go back an hour.  Sometimes her naps are three hours sometimes an hour it depends on how much sleep she needs.

 

As the PP poster said I would not be so anal about the hot dog to be honest I don?t allow DD to have them anyway due to the choking hazard and they are not healthy so maybe the answer is to remove them from the menu options.

wychets

LoCarb:

You are the employer.  Treat your nanny like the employee.  Talk to her about the issues, give written warnings and discuss consequences.

This. Your requests are not extreme I think she should be following your rules or she needs to find another job.

jasminelorraine20

At the end of the day YOUR the mom, you make the rules about your children's everyday routines- what they eat, how long they should sleep, ect. It's not her job to do what she wants to do. I would let her go. Regardless of the hard work she does, if she can't follow simple instructions then she's not the right one for the job. I would've let her go after the BM situation- that's like liquid gold, way too precious to just throw away. Good luck!

cindybaf

526SadieSadie:

Honestly if you told her once or twice and she's still doing her own thing, it's time to tell her that its your way or the highway.nbsp;
She should do as you request but have you said "When she has a big snack before her nap xyz happens" and such?nbsp; Maybe if you tell her specifically hownbsp;the schedule is altered for the rest of the day, she'll understand that it's not all the same.

I was clear about this. Almost the same thing happened on Friday. Told her, and she didn't listen. I've only worked for week and a half so I thought I'd let some things go because my stress level is through the roof. But if she's giving her more BM than I can make, or even know about, wasting frozen, etc I'm screwed.

KathrynMD

put on your big girl pants and tell her what to do - you don't need to apologize for wanting to do something for your kids a certain way.  that's supposed to be one of the benefits of having a nanny.  It sounds like you're getting pushed around by your nanny - which is ridiculous.  Have a CTJ talk with her today/tomorrow and lay it out - get a little angry if you need to - and tell her you need to see improvements in the next 30 days. 

Now, granted, kids are kids and so she does need to be flexible, but the cutting up hotdogs, breast milk stuff is all within her control and shouldn't happen.  Deciding that your LO seems very tired and letting her nap longer, seems like something she could have some discretion on. 

Julz629

cindybaf:

I was clear about this. Almost the same thing happened on Friday. Told her, and she didn't listen. I've only worked for week and a half so I thought I'd let some things go because my stress level is through the roof. But if she's giving her more BM than I can make, or even know about, wasting frozen, etc I'm screwed.

I don't have a nanny, but the bolded part caught my attention.  This is likely a big change for your daughter -- is it possible that some of the change in routine is because her routine has been disrupted?

JessieJH

You said you've told her how to do things, but perhaps you need to look at 'how' you are telling her about issues. Perhaps she doens't get directions vs. suggestions. Have you said something about 'how' she responds to you rther than just each intance. Try telling her that you need her to follow your directions and that your instructions are NOT suggestions. Let her know that you appreciate her creativity, but that she needs to decide if she can follow your instructions or not and if she cannot then you and she will need to reconsider her placement. Let her know that you will give her immediate feedback and will provide her ongoing examples if problems happen, but that without improvement in this aspect of your relationship you will need to terminate employement.

cougarlicious

Let her go.  There are too many good nannies out there looking for work to worry about someone who can't follow your directions.  Like PP said, BM is liquid gold and is a PITA to pump, so anyone who over feeds or forces me to pump extra because she disregards my rules is a huge NO WAY in my book.

Dochas

I don't think you are being rigid.  Honestly - I think she's overfeeding them so they'll sleep more and then it's easier on her.  And you are the one that's paying the price.

LeahCK

You are not being rigid. It is your children, they are to be raised YOUR way. If she wants a job then she will listen. I just hired my nanny. The first week I kept an eye out on how she did things, the beginning of the 2nd week I subtly suggested some things by the end of the 2nd week I made it a point to notate how much to feed my baby frozen milk. I don't want her overfeeding because I have be able to keep up the stash and since she started I'm wayyyy down. I have had to tell her to make sure to keep the feeding times in mind (9, 12 & 3 - give or take 1/2 hour) and to start warming up the milk because I do NOT like when my son cries for food when there's no reason to. 

She makes it a point to ask when he starts to get fussy too early if it's ok to feed him (I work in the home full time) and I'll say yes or no and she listens now.

I ask once, I make a point of it the second time and the third time I say "Please remember to ...."!! I treat her nicely, pay for lunch when we're out, give her a quick break, come out to soothe him when she's at a loss and I'm lenient on the lengths of his naps so some of her days are truly relaxing but not due to overfeeding.

I have also hugged him and realized he's drooled too much and say "please change his clothes, I don't like him in that state". It's MY son, not hers. I chose to hire her so that he can be comfortable as an infant not so SHE can have a job or money.