How do you make friends?

Nala37

I feel like it sounds ridiculous, but I am at a loss on ways to meet people and make friends.  Work isn't a place to meet people (there's two of us) and I joined a couple of mom's groups on meetup.com, but it seems like they're all stay at home moms.  Almost all of their activities are while I'm at work, so I can never go to anything they do with the kids.  I also can't attend their kid-free activities in the evenings because DH works at night and I almost never have a babysitter. (My MIL babysits occasionally, but waitresses in the evenings as a second job). 

 I'm fairly shy, so it's always been somewhat difficult for me to make new friends.  It doesn't help that we moved here last year shortly before DS was born, and then I started my job, so I never had a real opportunity to meet anyone before my life was consumed with the baby and work. 

Does anyone have any suggestions on ways to make friends?

laurakaz13

Mainly through work and I have become friends with several of my husband's friends wives.  Why can't you find a sitter?  Use care.com or sittercity.com and find some, so you'll have some freedom. 

runrinserepeat

I had the same problem with a meetup group. Every single event was during the day, idk why they thought it was for working moms, too.

im trying to get more involved with my church. DHs friend's sig others are potential, too. 

LoCarb

Is your LO in DC?  Introduce yourself to some of the parents during drop-off/pick-up, compliment their child, discuss a future play-date.  Its harder when they are young but as they grow older and are invited to b-day parties and class field trips you will meet and develop better relationship with other parents.

Also, I would look for a sitter your are comfortable with on the occasion you want a date night or girls night out.

Nala37

LO isn't in daycare, DH watches him during the day and then he leaves for work about a half hour after I get home from work.  I'm friendly with a few of DH's friends/sig others, and I could probably make more of an effort to hang out with them.  A lot of their activities involve drinking, which isn't really for me, but maybe I could suggest we do something else sometime. 

I know I need to find a sitter, but we just haven't had the time to look and interview anyone with our schedules.  I'm a FTM and get nervous leaving him with people I don't know well anyways, but if I want to get out every once and awhile, I'm going to have to.

 

aeh72

In addition to the suggestions pps have made, what about signing up for a baby gym or music class on the weekend?  I have girlfriends nearby but they either have older kids or no kids so I don't have any "mom" friends to have play dates with.  I'm going to join a weekend class (I work during the week) because besides being a great activity for DS and I to do together, I'm hoping it will give me the chance to meet moms nearby who have little ones around the same age.

July_2009

I find it hard to make mommy friends as well. My single friends and friends without kids have slowly started to distance themselves, justifiably so due to my changed schedules around DS. DH and I work F/T and we live in a townhouse complex, but never been able to make friends before. 

DS goes to day care and I met some moms there and invited them for DS's birthday, I joined a meetup group where they have some events for working moms on weekends and through that group, I made some friends. Every time I host an event, I make sure I invite moms I am close to from that group. I keep in touch with them via email, IM weekly. I really have to make an extra effort to put myself out there with my schedule as well. Also I found a decent baby sitter who can come on short call, which has helped me a lot in getting social with other moms. Trust me, none of this came naturally to me, so many times I kept thinking trying to make new friends is ridiculous, yet I pushed myself and even now it is hit or miss. But I keep trying. 

mylittlesunshine

I also have a hard time making friends as I work very traditional hours. I tried the whole meetup.com thing and got "kicked out" twice b/c I couldn't make the events they had during the day. Finding mom friends at work is out since I am the only young mother here...everyone else has grandkids it seems.

I just made a working mom friend through someone my DH works with. She has two girls that are the same age as my two girls. We are also throwing a birthday party for DD1 this weekend and I invited some of the children from DD's in-home daycare. I figure it would be a great way to connect with other moms...and a bonus is they are WM as well so we have something in common.

The other thing is don't be afraid to write places that do things during the day to see if they can also host them at night. I wrote our library and brought up that they need to have an evening story time for working parents. The next month they had family hour at the library where they read a book to the kids and have an arts activity to go with it. It was nice meeting other families that have working parents. I also did this with the local YMCA regarding having a weekend mom and me swim class.

Netty_3

I joined a meetup group of moms too that was supposedly for working moms, but it seems to have been taken over by SAHM...so most of the events are during the workday anymore. 

I feel your pain.  I'm initially shy as well. I feel like I come off as awkward the first few times around people because of it. My husband is the social butterfly.

 Good luck to you though!

Sunidaze

My local board on the nest is where I have met some of my more recent friends.  Other than that, it has been through work/school, DH or the friends I have had the majority of my life.

mexicolombiana

You know what? I don't make new friends.  I have all my old friends around because I grew up in Chicago and still live here.  

We moved into our house almost 2 years ago so I've made "friends" with some of the moms on the block, but not really because we only hang out with kids, we don't actually have dinner parties, though I think that would be really fun to do.  

And some of the new mom friends I have are the spouses of my husband's college friends so they were his friends first then we all hang out too and I consider the wives to be my friends.  

wychets

Work, school. sorority, I've also made friends through other friends.

Zimger

I am incredibly introverted. So I have to push myself sometimes to go out into the public (It is very draining for me).

I have a close group of friends here. I met them through volunteer work, drum circle, and book clubs. I have thought about signing up for an art class or an craft class as well.

My suggestion is find a hobby that you like and then pursue it. If you are forming friendships while pursuing something you like to do it may be easier.

LoCarb

Nala37:

LO isn't in daycare, DH watches him during the day and then he leaves for work about a half hour after I get home from work.  I'm friendly with a few of DH's friends/sig others, and I could probably make more of an effort to hang out with them.  A lot of their activities involve drinking, which isn't really for me, but maybe I could suggest we do something else sometime. 

I know I need to find a sitter, but we just haven't had the time to look and interview anyone with our schedules.  I'm a FTM and get nervous leaving him with people I don't know well anyways, but if I want to get out every once and awhile, I'm going to have to.

 

I would create an event or throw a party or intimate dinner party inviting your H's friends, SO's, and any neighbors you would like to know better. Serve limited alcohol b/c you know that's a hit and maybe suggest an activity. Group charades or involve the holidays-ugly sweater contest, white elephant gift exchange,etc...Make follow up plans with someone you click with.

Hire a sitter to watch your LO (at your house) and maybe even others kids if they're welcome.  This will allow you to become comfortable with the sitter and focus on hosting the event.

Another idea-I belong to a gym and take group classes.  I have met several friends this way.  Same applies for a hobby you are interested in. 

semdkm

I moved here two weeks after having a baby and went back to work three months later, so it has been VERY difficult to find friends!  After I had my second child, while on maternity leave, I would organize walks to the coffee place, around the block, even hosted a couple of coffee-time play dates, etc, with the other moms in the neighborhood (most of them stayed at home).  We even invited the dads one time and had five families crammed into our house for pizza and drinks while the kids played (in our tiny house!).  Since I've gone back to work, I try to keep up those relationships (not as frequent, obviously, as I'm now back to work), but I join one of the moms for campaign related events when I can, and have even organized a couple of moms' nights out where we had our husbands babysit and we went out for dinner and drinks.  Another time, we did brunch.  Now our husbands are looking to organize something for THEM .  I couldn't call these ladies my closest friends or anything, but I do enjoy their company and it's nice to get out with other women once every blue moon.  (And for what it's worth, the moms groups didn't work for me, either.  Everyone in them around here is a SAHM so I wasn't actually welcome .)  It can be tough when you're shy but just do your best to put yourself "out there" and you'll be surprised how many people you can meet.  I strike up an insane amount of conversations with people at the grocery store, park, etc.--it helps!

KL777

Since your husband works evenings, I would definitely get a reliable sitter for any type of Moms Night Out events or even Me time Night out events.  You need a break too.

I have friends from my church (we do fellowship dinners) and my mother's group (for Moms Night Out/In).  My mother's group does have a Working Moms' subgroup in it where we meet on occasional Saturday mornings. 

MrsSDgirl

I don't have many mommy friends either, but one suggestion I have is to make friends at the park.  I take my boys to the same park every day after I pick them up from daycare/ preschool.  I've been doing this for almost a year, so I see the same people there often.  I recently started chatting with a mom who is there around the same time as me.  She has two boys around the same age as mine, and we chat while they all play.  I'm pretty shy too, but I finally got up the nerve to ask her if she wanted to set up a play date, and she was more than thrilled!  We've meet up a few times since then, and I'm hoping this develops into a friendship.  I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to take the first step.  Good luck!

terpsfan

Most of my more recent mom friends have just been neighbors...we're always out playing with the kids in the yard after work and everyone is out in their driveway doing the same thing.  Also the suggestion the poster above had with the park is good too...get into a routine of going to the same places at the same time with your kids and you are bound to run into someone doing the same.  And they like doing the same things as you with their kids so maybe you'll connect!  I've also made some friends through other friends...it's kind of like dating LOL.  Like if I have a friend that I know would get along with another one of my friends I introduce them to each other and vice versa...

clo1982

You could check out local women's groups. I belong to one that is both social and philanthropic. It takes up as much time as you want. We meet once a month for 9 months out of the year then there are numerous groups within the club that you can get involved with, whether it is play dates, 'power lunch' (for working women), lunch groups for stay-at-home, book clubs, wine clubs, etc. It has a great mix of married/single, kids/no kids, young/older.

Nala37

Thank you for all of the suggestions!  I really appreciate the positive input; DH and many of my friends from school are much more outgoing and don't understand the problems I have meeting people now.  I think we're going to join the Y and do some classes there and I'm also going to get involved again in some activities I used to enjoy.  Oh, and definitely find a babysitter!  Thanks again!

EmilyStL

I feel ya.  I haven't moved, but I'm pretty shy and have never had a huge group of friends.  I've grown apart from a lot of my long standing friends, especially since DD was born.  I do belong to a mom's group that formed naturally after we all went to the same weekly breastfeeding moms support group.  Many of those moms do SAH and a lot of events are 9-5 M-F, but we also have monthly Saturday playdates, two book clubs that meet on evenings or weekends, and an active Facebook group.

I like the ideas of going to the same playground regularly, finding a Mommy and Me class that meets on Saturdays, or forming your own Meetup group for working moms.  It's hard, I know.  Even though I have made some mom friends, those friendships aren't as close as some I've had in the past.  Particularly as a working mom, I just do not find this stage of life conducive to nurturing female friendships.  I'm just too consumed with work and home responsibilities.

groovygrl

I also relocated recently and my main friends right now are in my neighborhood and I mainly meet ppl at the park that is in our neighborhood so I also suggest the regular park visits...but the caveat with most things is that you actually have to take the step to start talking to people and if you don't see the same people regularly you'll never make a friend that way so I'd suggest a park close to home & go at the same time regularly.

DD goes to ballet & I chit chat w/ the moms while the girls are in ballet & have hit it off w/ one mom who also relocated recently, I could see us getting the kids together or something like that down the road. 

I knew one person here when I moved & she knew I liked to read and was in a book group previously so she invited me to join hers which was really nice, so I've met the people in that, although I don't hang out w/ them outside of book group, I would, everyone just lives kind of far apart and most are working so time is limited for getting together.

I liked the idea about hosting something- I would suggest something like a chili contest or appetizer contest or something- I find those types of parties really fun, friends of ours used to do a chili one- guys get into this also- everyone brings a crock pot, they number them and you go around sampling... many ppl also bring beer or wine but the host provided beer/wine, cornbread/muffins and a couple desserts (everyone is usually really full on chili tho LOL) and a prize for the most votes (they always did a gift card to local wine store). You do need 5-6 couples at least though. 

GL! It is hard. I have relocated with and without kids & it is easier with kids IMO b/c you have something in common w/ people automatically (parents anyway) but either way it is still tough.

NJinAustin

Hi. Even though your LOs may not be elementary school age, you can find out what is happening at the school they WILL go to. I'm a teacher and there are always evening or weekend events. Fall festivals, winter festivals, continuing education classes, etc.... Sometimes there is a babysitter, too. It's also a good way to get to know other responsible parents who have kids that could either babysit or be a Mommy's helper (you are at home but, they watch baby so you can get things done... Good way to test drive them!)... Some schools even have a Parent Support Specialist who can hook you up with parent groups. Ask about the PTA.... Just an idea... There might be people right around the corner from you! Good luck.