Should I start thinking about a new job? (long)

monica92603

I'm a retail general manager and H is a restaurant general manager so that means we both have funky schedules.  It really has been useful b/c we minimize daycare by a lot.  We also still get a pretty decent amount of family time.
Right now, I'm on maternity leave so it's easy for him to manage his schedule around mine.  He wants to move up in his company and is probably looking to get promoted around the time I go back to work.  Right now, I make about 20% more than he does base salary and when you throw in my bonus, it's 30% more.  I have absolutely NO desire to move up in my company.  I make good $$ w/out having to advance and it's fine by me.  My company is high stress and so is my position.  I do have a decent amount of flexibility.  H does not, in fact, his company is not very understanding of his family responsibilities.  They schedule things very last minute and he'll get stuck at work.  That doesn't fit our schedule when I have to work a night shift and he's supposed to leave to pick up the kids.  He also sucks at speaking up to say he HAS to leave and will usually call MIL and have her do pick up. 
I have no idea how this is going to work if he gets promoted bc the last minute things and impromptu late nights will happen more often.  He'll be in even less of a position to speak up bc he'll have so many more expected responsibilities at work.  I also don't think he'd be making any substantial $$ that I could take a lesser job/big pay cut.  I do not want to SAH.  I won't always be able to change my schedule at the last minute.  It's not fair to my assistants.  My company is 80% men and while they tolerate me bc I produce very good results, I'm sure I get side eyed a lot.  I don't want to rock the boat too much.
I don't know if I should look for a Mon-Fri job (which would KILL me lol.....I've never worked those hours nor have I wanted to) or find a very good flexible babysitter that would be able to fill the gaps when needed.  I don't like the babysitter idea b/c A) paying extra $$ would suck b/c we'll already be paying a TON for daycare and I don't like random people watching my kids.
I don't know what to do but since I have 3 months to go of maternity leave, I figured I'd start thinking about it now.

brewcitybride

I would take a 9-5 position. I have friends who have dual income households where both parents work retail or catering/restaurant jobs, and it has created MUCH marital and family stress because their lives are so at the mercy of their work hours, and they are not family-friendly work hours.

I love my 8-4 position. I love knowing I will be the one feeding the kids dinner, giving them their baths, putting them to bed, and then having two hours of kid-free time after they go to bed. I wouldn't change that stability, for them and for me, for anything. But that's just me!

jenn_darrin1515

do you want to stay at your current job?  If you do, then I would have a very long conversation with your husband about what this promotion will mean to your family life and what you would need to do to make it work out.  It sounds like their is minimal $ and a whole lot of extra headaches...would a promotion after that put him in a better place for fleibily, family time and/or money?  and when would that be?

Is MIL on board with last minute pickups?  Perhaps a nanny (who wouldn't be a stranger after a short time, with excellent references) would be an option?  if not, then it sounds like a 9-5 type job would be your best option - would you be able to secure a job at your current pay at those hours?

It sounds like you guys have a lot to consider. GL!

rubber_chicken

Honestly, it sounds like your Husband should be the one to look for a new job.  If getting a promotion at his current place would make your lives worse instead of better, then what's the attraction? If your husband is ambitious, then there's no reason he can't take his ambition to another company that's a better fit

monica92603

jenn_darrin1515:

do you want to stay at your current job?  I DON'T PARTICULARLY LOVE IT BUT THE $$ IS REALLY GOOD AS WELL AS THE BENEFITS.  If you do, then I would have a very long conversation with your husband about what this promotion will mean to your family life and what you would need to do to make it work out.  It sounds like their is minimal $ and a whole lot of extra headaches...would a promotion after that put him in a better place for fleibily, family time and/or money?  and when would that be?  NO THE PROMOTION COULD DEFINITELY MEAN LESS PREDICTABILITY BUT NOT AS OFTEN. 

Is MIL on board with last minute pickups?  YES, SHE LOVES IT ACTUALLY WHICH IS A PLUS.  Perhaps a nanny (who wouldn't be a stranger after a short time, with excellent references) would be an option?  if not, then it sounds like a 9-5 type job would be your best option - would you be able to secure a job at your current pay at those hours? I DOUBT IT.

It sounds like you guys have a lot to consider. GL!

As far as someone else stated....he's been w/ the company for 10 years and he's got a lot going for him there plus he wants to have that particular title he'd be promoted to for his resume if he were to ever leave.  He's very well liked. Also, we made it work w/ minimal headaches for about a year 1/2 with one kid, but I've seen the circumstances getting worse recently. 
There is definitely a lot to think about.  I could easily leave for another job bc I have a pretty good resume but taking a 9-5 (ish) job, I believe I would take a pay cut.  Not sure what type of job either b/c I've never used my college degree but I've got a ton of management experience.

BeckyTheEngineer

rubber_chicken:

Honestly, it sounds like your Husband should be the one to look for a new job.  If getting a promotion at his current place would make your lives worse instead of better, then what's the attraction? If your husband is ambitious, then there's no reason he can't take his ambition to another company that's a better fit

This is what I was thinking.  You like your job, make good money, and have some flexibility.  Why would you leave that?  It sounds like all of your concerns are with your husband's job, not yours.  And it sounds like he doesn't actually need to be flexible in his job, since both you and MIL are supporting his ability to work that job.  I think that you have concerns that HIS job isn't working for your family, and I think that you need to address that with him.  Getting a different job won't help that in any way.

saraboston

If your MIL is on board with helping, why can't you just utilize that resource? Let him take his promotion and feel good about himself and his career and also stay in the job you enjoy. I both options of you taking a job just for the hours and him refusing a promotion have the potential to lead to resentment down the road.

monica92603

saraboston:

If your MIL is on board with helping, why can't you just utilize that resource? Let him take his promotion and feel good about himself and his career and also stay in the job you enjoy. I both options of you taking a job just for the hours and him refusing a promotion have the potential to lead to resentment down the road.

I thought I had put this in the OP but she lives over an hour away.  It drives me nuts when he asks her b/c she's not just around the corner.  She loves to do it and works about 40 minutes away from us so usually she will go straight from work so it's a little better but still....plus the cost of gas?  It's just a lot.

daisy662

I am an HR exec for a large national retailer. Our Store Managers pretty much work a set schedule. It of course isn't 9-5 or M-F, but maybe if you found a retailer like this, it could be a way to go for you so that you would have a better idea of when you would need help. Also, our SM's only work 45-50 hours a week. They are paid well also... Something to think about! Good luck!