Don't usually post here but need advice?

PnkDingo

I've been a nanny to a family for several years now, through the births of 2 out of 3 kids. The youngest is now 3.

Mom decided to place her in preschool this year because I'm pregnant and wants to be able to use the daycare portion of the school for my maternity leave. She started off really rough with school, but has done fantastic for a few weeks, now, suddenly, the 3 year old can't so much as leave the house without a major meltdown. 

This means our weekly activities we've always done, like dance and storytime, and school (she only goes for 3 hours on 2 days out of the week) drop off has been a nightmare. 

Dad is less than helpful because he'll tease her about making her live at school when she misbehaves and reminds her how much she hated it the first few weeks (I don't ask why anymore, this is just the type of person he is, he torments the older 2 similarly), and mom has been outright telling the 3 year that it's my fault she has to go because I'm pregnant which has led to a complete behavior change in all three kids. 

I just don't know what to do to help ease any of the 3 year old's anxiety. I do all the drop off/pick up exclusively for now, and obviously I'm the one bringing her to activities. We do not just stay home and veg out, ever, we haven't since she was about 6 months old, so this anxiety about being anywhere other than home is really throwing all the kids for a loop. 

It doesn't seem to phase her when they're going up to their camp, or to a rental house for a weekend, it's just during the week when mom and dad are at work. She asks multiple times a day when mom and dad will be home, even though our schedule has been the same since she was born, more or less. Mom has an extremely busy work schedule, and makes time for activities with the older two, so I suggested she might be able to spend some one-on-one with the youngest, but she all but said she was too busy. Dad spends a day with her until the older two are out of school, but like I said he's one of those people with a tormentor's sense of humor, and he picks on her until she gets visibly upset.

  I know pre-school age kids go through some weird phases, and it may just be that I'm pregnant, hormonal, and easily overwhelmed by the multiple daily tantrums, but this is really getting to me and I don't know what to do to help her.  Anyone have any advice?

Brewtowngrl

My kids have a really rough drop off.  We read "The Kissing Hand" when school started and drop of is so much easier.  DS1 is older, but it might help.  

LoveEeyore

I would have a serious chat with the child and pointblank tell her Dad is teasing.  It would never happen because children live in their homes.  Schools don't have beds or nightlights or whatever she has in her room.  Daddy's being ridiculous.  I'd do it playfully and dramatically. 

I would have a chat with mom and tell her that if she continues to badmouth me to the child that I will leave.  It is unacceptable.  And it tells the child that she is not important enough to have a nanny that is loved and respected as a family member.  Pulling a child into a grown-up issue is a passive aggressive way of punishing you and it inevitable makes the child wonder what's wrong with you.

 It could be LO's personality reacting to change.  It could be a completely normal developmental stage (the threes can be awful!!  I had one with the twos- it was tough but not exasperating.  I had one go through the threes and I was close to seeking professional help with her.  Love is the best answer  either way.  Sounds like she needs you!